Things that mostly only happen on mumsnet

[Imyourvenus]

Heres mine;

You must love MIL even if she is a bitch toad from hell

You must never say anything negative about anyone on benefits

Admitting to having no friends

Every 3rd person is NC with their family

Having a nanny

I’m sure I have more

You must not let a teenager have a phone at nighttime

All the family must leave their phones on charge downstairs at night this includes the adults. No idea how that works when your phone has your alarm on but never mind.

The most important thing in a relationship is whether and how the partner acknowledges Special Days. Your partner may be anything short of actually abusive most of the time, but if he makes a big fuss of your birthday, anniversary and Mother's Day, all is forgiven. On the other hand, if they forget your 'special day' or even just give you an insufficiently 'thoughtful' present, then this automatically means that they don't care about you, however they behave in general,

A wedding is the bride's Special Day (not the couple's special day), and the pictures are the most important part of it.

Posters "sit here sobbing".

People think the OP will send a text they have written for them.

@Sparklingbrook

I have managed to get to my age and never smelt period blood on anyone at all. But I have walked past the feminine hygiene section in the supermarket and smelt the scented towels. Bleurgh.

Yes, I can believe you got a whiff of them as you walked past an entire shelf of them.

Yes @DrSbaitso, never smelt them on a person . I imagine it was quantity.

@blyn72 it's on much older threads I've definitely seen it and I think that's where the mumsnet chicken comes from too .

Definitely the typo thing. Any thread with a typo in the title or OP must be derailed with painfully unfunny replies.

But the decorating chicken genuinely was hilarious. I’m in stitches every time I see a check a trade logo.

You must de-rail a thread by arguing over coffee. grin

But that's just because coffee is surely the most important thing in the world! (drinking one now!)

@Ionlydomassiveones

If you have the temerity to be a size 12 then you are disgusting and unhealthy. Anything over a size 12 is just God’s punishment for stuffing your unworthy fat obese face and you are not welcome on MN. MN will tolerate size 10s and below only.

But if you say that you're a size 6-8, then you're just stealth boasting. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Being ‘screamed at’ on a regular basis, including by strangers and even friends.

They take this as PROOF that most people secretly prefer instant coffee

Don't know about most people, but I do! Though it's never occurred to me to have to keep it a deep dark secret!

Everyone lives rurally when in reality less than 20% of people do

People say they live ‘in a SW city’ as if it’s outing to say they live in Bristol along with almost half a million other people

People can’t fathom spending less than double the average on the weekly shop and getting more than one meal out of a whole chicken is a trope to be mocked rather than a very normal thing to do which is discussed on many sites beyond this one

Everyone has anxiety and/or can't cope with confrontation even though the supposed confrontation is not remotely confrontation.

Getting whacked out on pain pills and spending the night nursing a cushion tassel back to health, thinking it was a baby hedgehog.

Have not read whole thread so I am sure this has been said:

Everyone should leave their husband even if they have made one little mistake... oh and that little mistake will alway be abuse.

Oh and social anxiety!

The almost shaking at bad news like kids being killed by their parents etc.

Screaming at the Sistine chapel 🙄

Oh and everyone on here has health anxiety. Everyone I know irl puts off going to the doctor as much as possible!

Just remembered another thanks to a poster on another thread..

Kids being overly boisterous are 'feral' 😂

The only undisputed sympathy/compassion you get on MN is, if your DDog has died.

@Chuechebache

The only undisputed sympathy/compassion you get on MN is, if your DDog has died.

I don't think that's true anymore either. There was a thread the other day where a puppy died and the OP got a bollocking about where she got the puppy from/why did her dog get pregnant/why was there only one in the litter/why are you doing xyz etc. etc.

@MrsTimRiggins

Thinking ‘a tinkly laugh’ makes you look anything other than fucking unhinged

Especially when coupled with a head tilt.

A Paddington Bear Hard Stare stops everyone misbehaving in their tracks such is it's power, perhaps the people in Ukraine should deploy it against Putin.

I forgot the time I was called “obscene” when I said I did a load of washing a day with my 3 DC and a DH with a manual job which requires a clean set of uniform per day. Apparently it’s perfectly normal to just do 1 load per week.

It is LOL. Making good coffee is cheap - get a caffetiera which you can get for 30 pounds and will last forever, ground coffee and you have a fab expresso in 5 mins.

Making good coffee is not cheap. A single teaspoon of instant makes a mug of coffee. It takes far more to make a cup of 'real' coffee.

Per cup, instant is a fraction of the price. So of course many people can't afford it. It's insulting to imply that they can't work out the maths themselves.