Things that mostly only happen on mumsnet

[Imyourvenus]

Heres mine;

You must love MIL even if she is a bitch toad from hell

You must never say anything negative about anyone on benefits

Admitting to having no friends

Every 3rd person is NC with their family

Having a nanny

I’m sure I have more

If you are short of cash you can grow crops in your massive garden. You might starve to death while things grow but whi cares!

Posters who drip feed information throughout the thread, so the first people who respond give very different advice to what they would have done had they known the full story!

@Ionlydomassiveones

MNetters earn six figure salaries because they “work hard”. The rest of us dribbling window lickers on ordinary salaries clearly don’t.

Aside from the humour of this thread,I wish people would stop using derogatory terms like this.

By all means, stand up and defend your position re whatever nonsense gets posted (ie salaries). But stop using terms like this.

@MrsToothyBitch

One that fascinates me is attituded to pregnancy. Having first baby over 30 being increasingly the norm but I've seen threads on here that imply that your uterus crumbles and your body can barely support itself the second you turn 30, and you'd be SO selfish to have a baby- dead by the time they're 12, guaranteed.

The same people will also judge: having a baby under 26 or so even if you're stable (so irresponsible, too young, you must be waaaay too poor) and having a baby with anyone you've known less than a decade; they might leave a loo seat up by mistake 6 years in, you might have to ltb. Even if, by their own logic you'd be soooo selfish & too old if you waited their approved amount of time if you don't meet your partner til late 20s and make sure you're stable and in a good financial position before ttc.

See also the faction of smuggers on mn who compete to have the cheapest, most dismal sounding wedding: all the ones they attend as guests are dreadful- no food, huge waits and the couple spent over £50 so they'll be divorced within 18 months anyway for such extravagance. Their own weddings usually involve a sarnie tray from Costco, a £3 dress from primark they got for £1.50 cause it had a hole in it and a sticky floored, particularly rough pub... yet everyone invited forced to attendalways says it's the "nicest wedding they've ever been to". I don't believe you need to spend a fortune but taking delight in scrooge level cheapness isn't attractive, and also suggests their guests had a very low bar of what passes for a good day out.

This is so true. Same with engagement rings, too. They always cost less than £200 but were “bespoke” from a local jeweller .

@HappyDays40

If you are short of cash you can grow crops in your massive garden. You might starve to death while things grow but whi cares!

Similarly over lockdown periods you can use butter in tea/coffee in lieu of milk.

@TheSnowyOwl

That no matter what has happened to you and you have done, you are almost always completely in the wrong and a terrible person. In your back garden and a drone falls out of the sky and hits you? Should have been paying attention and shouldn’t rub it in everyone’s faces that you live somewhere with a big enough garden that you can fit in it.

Haha - this.

@PizzaCrust - am sure I saw recently that this one was debunked? Lots of people “referenced” it, but apparently it was never stated in that manner (ie - no need to go out in pandemic to buy milk, you can put cheese in your coffee)

Expecting your DH of 30 years to remember your birthday makes you a spoilt, entitled cow and you deserve nothing more than a kick in the shins and a bird shitting on your head. Just be grateful you're even still alive by your 50th birthday and pipe down with your childish demands.

Nobody irons anything except school uniforms.
OP can't be a bit weepy, it's always floods of tears.
OP needs talking down.

Marrying a bastard who acts like bastard and then being told to leave said bastard.

I have never read a timble of alcohol on christmas post, but I have read plenety of those where it is quite normal to be drunk while child is asleep in bed (well, who drives when you don not have a car, I mean).

If you ad a little bit of coke on weekend, nothing wrong with that, There is au pair downstairs who will for 40 pounds a week take care of your kids while you're recuperating.

And then buy 30-50-100 presents for Christmas so that you can show on social media what a perfect parent you are (all while drinkning buck fizz at 7 am, because Christmas, continuing with bottle of vine while making lunch, becase you now Christmas and being totally wasted till afternoon, those Christmas memories of having drunk parents all day long are so unforgetable).

Tony's Chocolonely is THE only chocolate to eat , despite the fact that it tastes like shite
And I mean TRULY shite

This is not true! It’s great chocolate!

The view that all men hate women, it's just part of how they are.

Total rubbish. I've got lots of male friends from work, Uni, hobbies and a DS, Dad and DH. None of them hate women and would be pretty upset if they though women generally did

@KKslidoff

A cleaner and leaving your husband are the solution to all of life's problems.

Or "a nice spa day"

You are so sick you can barely walk, your temperature is over 39 degrees, you don't have a cold, you don't have Covid, your leg has red welts, you are almost passing out, you are alone and don't have a car....but don't call an ambulance. It's a waste of resources.

People absolutely crying/dying/shaking with laughter over things that (IMO) are worthy of a small smile at the most

[quote HelloFrostyMorning]@DrSbaitso

I can never see a line on pregnancy tests, but there are always a load of people insisting it's clear as day.

Oooooh, that is another one that does my head in! The 'am I pregnant' threads. 19 times out of 20 it's a bloody negative test, Yet 9 out of 10 posters say 'I see a second line!' There's not a second line there, and yet they all squeal how they can see it. 'Congratulations OP, you're gonna be a mommy! Woo hoo!'

The Emporers New Clothes, that's what it is.[/quote]
I actually can see a line when I say I can though. Just because you can't, doesn't mean it's not there. I'm not making it up for effect!

And to add an extra layer of annoyance to this post, I did have a total squinter test myself. And the result of that test is now 7! 🤷‍♀️🤣

The putting cheese in your tea / coffee was, IIRC, a response to a few posters who were insistent that milk wasn't essential and didn't require a shop visit if you ran out. As in, what shall I use in my tea / coffee then, cheese?

Oh, and I've seen OPs get told to go off for a spa day numerous times. It definitely has happened.

The proportion of children with SEN.
People who call their children ‘Sophie’ with the prescribed nn of ‘Lydia’ fir example - utterly bizarre.
No one seems to use heating, ever.

You shouldn't let your DP/DH know how much you earn, how much you have in savings or share money with him. But a DP/DH doing the same is financially abusive.

People who don't answer the phone or open the door to anyone.

It's impossible to be a mum and work full time because of all the 'life admin' and cleaning.

So many 30-somethings boasting about being asked for ID - you don't really look under 18, just the shop worker taking the piss or following orders.

The proportion of children with SEN

I’m not sure about that. I always assumed people would be more likely to post on here for advice/support etc if their children had SEN.

This is despite the fact that in my 50 odd years on this planet I have yet to meet any man in real life who is seriously good looking

You've never seen a handsome man in real life? Ever?

Sticking the word "fucking" into a reply to sound cool/hard/not sure why. It's even on this thread 😂

People citing the Mumsnet chicken, even though in all my years I've never seen anyone claim that a roast chicken lasts longer than a meal and maybe some left for sandwiches.