Things that mostly only happen on mumsnet

[Imyourvenus]

Heres mine;

You must love MIL even if she is a bitch toad from hell

You must never say anything negative about anyone on benefits

Admitting to having no friends

Every 3rd person is NC with their family

Having a nanny

I’m sure I have more

DH forgot the bar of chocolate you asked for from Tesco? This is clearly a sign of deeper issues and you must leave him now before things get worse.

This thread comes up at LEAST once a month, and it's ALWAYS the same things.

Always fun to read though. So I will pour a glass of wine and have a read. Probz not much point me adding anything, because I expect they're already all there. But I will if I don't see the ones I was gonna put!

If you DH has a female colleague then he wants to shag her. Female friend? It's not a friendship, it's an emotional affair. (and he wants to shag her). A female dogwalker he sometimes walks with while walking your dog? They're obviously shagging in bushes at the park. Your DH smiles at a random woman while walking past? He wants to shag her too.

If you don't agree then you're a "cool wife" and should be ashamed.

Also, nobody's child is 8 1/2, they're nearly 9. Your child is not 15, they're almost 16.

@TheKeatingFive

Refuses to give cash/ money as a wedding gift (considered vulgar)

Yes, but also seemingly hating/resenting anyone who's wedding you get invited to.

100%

@Bonnealle

You can see a clear line in your pregnancy test, nobody else can (apart from two people that have laser vision), you post multiple tests with the invisible line but never update as to whether you’re pregnant or not.

I can never see a line on those things, but there are always a load of people insisting it's clear as day.

I try not to be mean about it because we all know how crazy making TTC is. But sometimes you just have to wait. The outcome won't be changed by whether or not you can make out a line when you invert the colour and add 12 filters or whatever. Wait until you're due.

Also, MN is the only place I've ever known people to test negative after their period is late but be pregnant. In my world, everyone who tested negative when late was just late.

Also, discussing a problem with your friends is perfectly normal, your DH discussing a problem with his friends is a betrayal.

We currently haven't even got a lid on our toilet!!! The actual horror!!

@DillonPanthersTexas

In Mumsnet Land people seem to posses a weird design of toilet that literally blasts 'poo particles' into the air like Krakatoa exploding. If you keep your toothbrush in the same room you might as well brush your teeth with turds because the 'poo particles' get everywhere, EVERYWHERE.

^ This And the phrase "Mumsnet Land" brilliant!

Well these threads are USUALLY good. 2 pages read and they're all a bit 'meh' so far.. Ether bollocks, or just stuff that's been said before 1000 times. I will read another 2 pages but CBA to read any more if the thread doesn't improve.

Got a house so big and so expensive in the South I'm paying my mortgage until I'm 87 and DH says my online eBay business isn't proper work AIBU?

@HelloFrostyMorning

Well these threads are USUALLY good. 2 pages read and they're all a bit 'meh' so far.. Ether bollocks, or just stuff that's been said before 1000 times. I will read another 2 pages but CBA to read any more if the thread doesn't improve.

That's quite the announcement. Only on MN would you get an announcement like that.

@HelloFrostyMorning

Well these threads are USUALLY good. 2 pages read and they're all a bit 'meh' so far.. Ether bollocks, or just stuff that's been said before 1000 times. I will read another 2 pages but CBA to read any more if the thread doesn't improve.

Your input so far has been top notch 👌

@HelloFrostyMorning

Well these threads are USUALLY good. 2 pages read and they're all a bit 'meh' so far.. Ether bollocks, or just stuff that's been said before 1000 times. I will read another 2 pages but CBA to read any more if the thread doesn't improve.

A thousand apologies. Shall I peel you some grapes?

LOL

By page 5 it's improved, so I will grace you all with my presence a bit longer!

You're welcome.

@Aaaabbbcccc

Everyone has anxiety (non diagnosed)

God yes this. Feeling anxious about anything is spun into 'having anxiety' on here.

Have we had washing being darked on yet?

@HelloFrostyMorning

LOL

By page 5 it's improved, so I will grace you all with my presence a bit longer!

You're welcome.

You could always add something of your own to the thread...

@Millionairesshortbreadshort

Have we had washing being darked on yet?

Oh yes, and the hilarious 'spider willies'

I was wondering whether we'd had 'crying and shaking' as there's a lot of that goes on for no reason whatsoever.

MNers spent their youth taking class A drugs, raving and sleeping with inappropriate men. MNers’ daughters like studying and saving up for a house deposit.

Obscure strings of capital letters that stand for some illness, condition or medical procedure that apparently everyone has heard of (in its snappy acronym) except me 🤔

I find the MN obsession with not being able to say anything negative about people claiming benefits infuriating. I’m from Liverpool and I know many people (including family members) who claim benefits when they’re not entitled - claiming to be single when living with a partner, claiming for free school meals when they’re not entitled, lots of cash in hand work so they can claim they have a tiny income. And yes, they have flat screen tvs, multiple holidays abroad and a top end car. But on MN we have to pretend that doesn’t happen and is an urban myth

Everyone on Mumsnet hates London and could never imagine living there, even though 1 in 8 people in the UK do.

Everyone on mumsnet instantly vomits if someone eats near them on public transport, even though noone on Mumsnet lives anywhere with public transport.

On MN being divorced somehow makes you the font of all relationship wisdom, and so many posters are even though they had the MN-approved 'guaranteed to last forever' wedding in a registry office with witnesses off the street?

Thou shalt not question teachers, who have the single hardest job in the entire world and yet are completely infallibly perfect at all times.

I don't think MNers cry and shake as much as they used to, but they do cringe a hell of a lot.

Everyone has the right to have a child.