Things that mostly only happen on mumsnet

[Imyourvenus]

Heres mine;

You must love MIL even if she is a bitch toad from hell

You must never say anything negative about anyone on benefits

Admitting to having no friends

Every 3rd person is NC with their family

Having a nanny

I’m sure I have more

You must go no contact with your pil if they are slightly flawed human beings.

You must go low contact if they are reasonably nice but not your own parents.

You must ltb if he doesn't go NC or LC with his parents when you are according to the rules above.

Kids must be treated the way kids were treated in Victorian times otherwise all your friends and relatives And their father must go NC with you

You should leave your partner for any reason!

@DillonPanthersTexas

In Mumsnet Land people seem to posses a weird design of toilet that literally blasts 'poo particles' into the air like Krakatoa exploding. If you keep your toothbrush in the same room you might as well brush your teeth with turds because the 'poo particles' get everywhere, EVERYWHERE.

In fairness that is an actual fact as proven by science that I can’t be arsed to Google right now.

All my friends and work colleagues actually use parents or grandparents for childcare

Yes. All my retired friends do a couple of days a week childcare and often travel a long way to do it.

A high proportion of people self diagnose with social anxiety or are introverts. In times gone by they'd just have been a bit shy or naturally reserved.

People tie themselves in knots texting people back and forth instead of having conversations with them.

Loads of people are liars but they think outright untruths used as avoidance are "white lies". No, you're just liars or desperate to avoid anything remotely confrontational.

In fairness that is an actual fact as proven by science that I can’t be arsed to Google right now.

It's a miracle that everyone does not have cholera

@RedCandyApple

Another one.. 16 year olds can’t be left home alone and leaving a teen under 16 home alone is neglect, you shouldn’t leave your children home alone until they are 18.

And that's when you kick them out to live alone in their own home.

You make owl noises at people to stop them talking

Becoming completely intolerant of your child once they turn 18 and throwing them out or not supporting them financially

Getting ducks in a row. Nobody says this IRL

Simultaneously claiming not to be judgemental whilst berating someone for not doing something in exactly the same way you do it

Identifying 'red flags' at every available opportunity

Holding a 'senior management position'

Using a forward slash at every / available / opportunity. Usually to say two words which have identical meaning.

@DillonPanthersTexas

In fairness that is an actual fact as proven by science that I can’t be arsed to Google right now.

It's a miracle that everyone does not have cholera

www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/home-news/bacteria-toilets-flush-lid-closed-b1535481.html?amp

www.menshealth.com/health/a23024345/never-flush-with-toilet-lid-up/

microbiologysociety.org/news/society-news/does-putting-the-lid-down-when-flushing-the-toilet-really-make-a-difference.html

@danadas

Everyone has a hobby that is so unique it cannot possibly be identified because otherwsie we will immediately know who you are due to said uniqueness of activity.

😅

@TheKeatingFive

Washing towels after every use

At 90 degrees. Because bacteria

Poo crumbs!

Haven't RTFT but:

London is the centre of the universe and living anywhere else is tantamount to a slow death

Every third person has a gifted child who is more intelligent than than Einstein.

If you voted for Brexit or read the Daily Mail you're the spawn of the Devil

No.

@ChickenStripper

You make owl noises at people to stop them talking

🤣🤣🤣 that was a bizarre thread

Narc behaviour.
No body ever has sex.
Read Lundy Bancroft.

@ChickenStripper

You make owl noises at people to stop them talking

What?! 😂

@adulthumanfemalemum
Exactly this

You can see a clear line in your pregnancy test, nobody else can (apart from two people that have laser vision), you post multiple tests with the invisible line but never update as to whether you’re pregnant or not.

Want a very small dog? Get a greyhound.
Want a really fluffy dog? How about a greyhound?
Want a cat? Nope, must be a greyhound.

🤣

@Thatsplentyjack

*Want a very small dog? Get a greyhound. Want a really fluffy dog? How about a greyhound? Want a cat? Nope, must be a greyhound.*

🤣

And make sure it's a rescued one

Penises get washed in beakers

@PriamFarrl

Yes but the point is you’re literally in the room breathing the poo particles, so how does it make a jot of difference if it’s on your brush?!

@KKslidoff

A cleaner and leaving your husband are the solution to all of life's problems.

They are though 🤷‍♀️

[quote Bonnealle]@PriamFarrl

Yes but the point is you’re literally in the room breathing the poo particles, so how does it make a jot of difference if it’s on your brush?![/quote]
I close the lid when I flush and therefore the particles don’t get thrown up into the air.