Things that mostly only happen on mumsnet

[Imyourvenus]

Heres mine;

You must love MIL even if she is a bitch toad from hell

You must never say anything negative about anyone on benefits

Admitting to having no friends

Every 3rd person is NC with their family

Having a nanny

I’m sure I have more

Cash as a wedding gift, which has been wanted, welcome and socially acceptable for millennia, is beyond the pale in MN land. Asking for cash is even worse - though apparently discussing the details of your PIL will - despite them both being 58 and running marathons - is fine and dandy.

Going on the SEX topic to say how 'grim' and 'desperate' posters are for having an interest in sex. Same with Style & Beauty - yes I actually saw someone the other day on S&B ask why people cared about clothes.

Aside from that I've never seen a spa day seriously offered as a solution and I will NC, LC and LTB all day long.

Anyone's husband or partner who tries it on is a sex pest

What's even more depressing is that the criticism is necessary in the first place

Constructive criticism directed at the right people ok

Scattergun criticism blaming everybody of the same gender/sex/shape/colour not ok.

No one should ever visit any Middle Eastern country (which extends to the entire gulf and North Africa).

Stepfathers are expected to take step children on financially, step mothers are being taken advantage of if they pay for half a meal out

Not opening your front door to someone who hasn’t arranged a visit at least a month in advance and completed an in-depth vetting procedure.

Husbands helping around the house and are generally loving and kind.

Anyone caring how others feed their baby.

All children are impeccably behaved at weddings and relish the opportunity to go to them, and without them the wedding is heartless, costly and only for the bride and groom to try and cause maximum distress to all their guests.

Having a second glass of wine is tantamount to alcoholism.

That it’s perfectly OK for parents to disinherit their kids and leave all their money to the Donkey Sanctuary because ‘It’s their money to do as they like with’.
And you’re grabby and VVU if you think otherwise.

I never knew the term being Wendied existed until a year ago.

Everyone should own a hotel chocolate velvetiser

MASSIVE SALADS.

Lots of veggies.

That when something doesn’t go your way on AIBU you say it’s causing real life issues and get it taken down.

@Imyourvenus

Heres mine;

You must love MIL even if she is a bitch toad from hell

You must never say anything negative about anyone on benefits

Admitting to having no friends

Every 3rd person is NC with their family

Having a nanny

I’m sure I have more

Everyone suffer from MH issues

Thinking that middle name has to go perfectly with the first name, as if anyone will ever even know it.

@Tittyfilarious81

Anyone's husband or partner who tries it on is a sex pest

This is one that always makes me chuckle. Obviously no man is allowed to have urges on MN. And if they do they're 'deviant' or 'grim'.

Women should squirrel a divorce or running away fund but all DH earnings is 'family money'.

If a women earns less then her DP then all rent and bills should be split proportional to relative incomes. If the women earns more then her DP then everything should be split 50/50 as he would be a cocklodger if he does not pay his way equally.

@Interrobanger

Everyone has a spare room.

Yep. There's no one sleeping in the kitchen or bathroom here... I think that counts as having a spare room. In our five room flat. There are only three of us here so two spare rooms, possibly three if you count the hall, stairs and landing.

I never knew what a cocklodger was before I joined MN

Turning down wedding invites that had the audacity to not invite their precious offspring. Having zero time or inclination to put themselves out to attend someone they apparently likes wedding.

Even if your husband has kicked your dog, set fire to your house, held you at gunpoint and stolen all your money, you MUST come and check on here first just to make sure you should leave him, then don't leave him any way.

@Tittyfilarious81

Anyone's husband or partner who tries it on is a sex pest

But the husband or partner that doesn't try it on is clearly gay.

You mustn't say anything negative about step children even if they're utter shit bags

People on MN don't answer their door in the evenings. I have no idea why.

No one on MN has a cross breed except me. And I must have bought him from a puppy farm. Even though I really didn't.

When ds was a ravenous teenager, I moaned on here about how much he ate and was told he was obviously heading to a life of obesity. Apparently no teenager can eat between meals without piling on weight, even though IRL those of us with sporty teens know they really can.

People on MN all have cleaners and gardeners.

Everyone's child is either super bright or has SEN (and yes I know they're not mutually exclusive).

If you spend more than £50 on a weekly shop for a family you are highly extravagant.

If you're married, you can't have friends of they opposite sex and certainly can't be alone with them

If you're a stepmother you must make it clear that your stepkids are at best an annoyance.

Only on MN did I learn that someone should cancel all social events for 6 months after getting a kitten. Kitten should never be left alone until it is minimum 9 months old.