School "lost" my vulnerable ADHD/ODD son today!

[3Daddy31982]

Head was nice to me. That in itself isn't normal. She said XXXX played a game with us today. I was a bit lost. Turns out they'd lost him for quite some time. He'd hidden in cupboard. Other child told us they'd been out shouting his name. Class children were also searching for him!

He has ehcp and meant to have a one to one. I've previously not been happy with TAs not watching him.

He also came out in huge sobbing tears.

When he'd calmed down he told us noone found him. He didn't want to go to assembly and they'd said he had to. He said he was on his own! Which he must have been if they didn't know where he was.

Gut feeling is he isn't safe at this school. Felt that way since Sept when my Dad went to pick third child up and saw him solo and unwatched.

Some situations you just can't move past, years back when my nephew was a toddler his nursery left him on the mini bus taking him between the nursery and his half day at the primary school. It was July, and that day happened to be the hottest day of the year. It had been high twenties even reaching 30. The whole situation was heartbreaking, he had been left for nearly two hours and was in a complete state. It could of been so much worse. The person responsible was fired but the trust was just gone so he didn't go back to the nursery. My sister said she would of spent every day anxious that he was on that mini bus screaming again.

You both need to feel like he is safe and protected, especially as he has additional needs.

@OwlinaTree

So did he go and hide in a cupboard? Did he hear people calling him? How old is your son?

I don't think the staff can be blamed for 'losing' him - they know he was missing and were looking for him. They were probably really worried about him.

Do you expect him to be followed everywhere? Like to the toilet?

The staff most certainly can be blamed for losing him. 1.1 means just that - accompanied at all times, so the opportunity for him to hide in a cupboard should never have arisen. Seems to me that if the 1.1 is involved with other things that take the focus away from him, even for a short time, you need to get to the bottom of it because it shouldn’t be happening.

I wish all these posters saying 'report to Ofsted' would spend a week in a mainstream class.

OP, your child hid himself because he did not want to follow the (reasonable) expectation of going to assembly. Staff were searching for him, calling his name. He did not come out.

He was not lost, or trapped. He hid.

Those staff members will have been beside themselves with worry.

You need to have a very serious talk with your child. As another poster pointed out, unless you address it immediately and clearly, he will think he can just hide to get out of something he doesn't want to do in the future. That might be trying on new shoes or visiting Grandma or getting on a plane, when you are meant to be supervising him.

I would ask the school to have a meeting, so you can write a risk assessment that includes what happens if your son hide to avoid school activities. You need to work together on this, not blame school for your son's choice.

@dorkfink

That’s plenty of time to slip into a cupboard.

of course but surely the logical thing to do if you're in/near a room with a big cupboard & child A slips in whilst child B asks for help, you check said cupboard when after a few minutes you can't locate child A? Which isn't want happened so the circumstances need to be investigated by the school & risk assessed.

If the class was on the move ie off to assembly you might be forgiven for thinking he'd gone with them and not realise he wasnt with them til you got to the assembly hall. In my children's school that would mean you had a whole corridor and the rooms off it to search.

They should have rang you after he was missing for 10 minutes. What if he had hot out of school and wondering around alone? He is clearly not safe there. Look for other options.

@polkadotcatears

I wish all these posters saying 'report to Ofsted' would spend a week in a mainstream class.

OP, your child hid himself because he did not want to follow the (reasonable) expectation of going to assembly. Staff were searching for him, calling his name. He did not come out.

He was not lost, or trapped. He hid.

Those staff members will have been beside themselves with worry.

You need to have a very serious talk with your child. As another poster pointed out, unless you address it immediately and clearly, he will think he can just hide to get out of something he doesn't want to do in the future. That might be trying on new shoes or visiting Grandma or getting on a plane, when you are meant to be supervising him.

I would ask the school to have a meeting, so you can write a risk assessment that includes what happens if your son hide to avoid school activities. You need to work together on this, not blame school for your son's choice.

The ableism in your post is painful.

Far too many posters in this thread seem to think it's such a simple thing assembly. Assembly is often an issue for many children with additional needs as they are busy, lots of bodies and lots of sensory overwhelm.

What is a simple request to you is an exceedingly difficult request to many.

He was not lost, or trapped. He hid.

It's irrelevant, so is whether he was naughty or whether staff were under resourced or stressed. He was missing & the OP needs to see the schools policy & find out how the situation was managed.

@liveforsummer in some instances it is easy. If you have seen a child be treated differently than the school behavioural policies require for rasicm or bullying, because they are ODD, would you not feel that was wrong?

TA here (general class, not 1:1). We have a child with ADHD/ODD in our class with no ehcp, and it is incredibly hard to manage. He bolts at the drop of a hat, and we are not allowed to physically grab or stop/obstruct him. We rely on every member of staff to report to the class teacher or head if they see him so I can get to him. Even if I was 1:1, it would require multiple team members to manage as I am fit but he is FAST. He makes decisions based on fear and the adrenaline that fight or flight produces, which I cannot compete with. Unless your school is a horrific nightmare, they will be working together to keep him safe. They were looking for him (thus calling his name). I think working with school to create a flight plan you are happy with will turn out better for everyone than you immediately pulling him out. This boy's mum needs him to be in school because home life is so hard. I imagine you need the rest/work and childcare to support him the other 18 hours a day.

@Porcupineintherough again you are speculating but in that scenario how long would it take you? And what's the timeline in your school for calling the police if a child can't be found on site?

@RedHelenB

No one can watch a child constantly. He ran away and hid, talking about paedophiles in the neighbourhood is a red herring, he was in school.all the time. I hope you told him in no uncertain terms that he shouldn't ever hide in a cupboard at school again.

Why on earth can't they watch constantly? It's literally what they are funded for.

All this has happened I hope you can move on do you really think this is the right placement for your son.
You say you are not going to send him back can you really manage him at home will you home school or what are your plans .Its not as easy as you think.
1 to 1 to watch over him all day ...making him feel even more isolated.
Decide on your next step is mainstream really suitable for him and if it is maybe not this particular one.

He intentionally hid for a reason.

I'm not ableist in the slightest, @Mumofsend. Going to assembly can and should be adapted to suit the needs of the children. Some may need ear defenders, an arranged seating position or use of a chair, or to listen via a device/ screen.

It's unclear from the OP, but it doesn't sound like going to assembly has been an issue previously. But now it's been flagged, it needs to be addressed, and that involves work from home and the school TOGETHER to find a way for him to take part, without hiding.

[quote PupInAPram]@liveforsummer in some instances it is easy. If you have seen a child be treated differently than the school behavioural policies require for rasicm or bullying, because they are ODD, would you not feel that was wrong?[/quote]
No, why would it be wrong? Blanket behavioural policies are discrimination. It is essential adjustments are made for children with disabilities.

My DD has her own, bespoke, behavioural policy. I have zero idea what the overall school one is because it doesn't apply to her. My child can not be expected to behave and adhere to the same as the other children as it is effectively punishing a blind person for not being able to see.

That does not mean she gets a free pass and no consequences. It does mean it is bespoke to her and her needs.

I don't care what other parents think. They can whinge if they catch wind of it but I would happily trade positions.

@liveforsummer

That is exactly what a 1:1 should do.

I'm a 1:1 TA, due to covid absences meaning we have about 50% of staff I was doing the job of around 5 people today. I don't it's any different in any school i the UK at the moment

Then your school is acting unlawfully. I know it's difficult for schools, but taking an assigned 1:1 away from a child who needs it isn't an option.

@SparkleSpangle

1-1 means different things in different settings. If it is mainstream they are probably used as a general ta too

It doesn't, you know. The law is the same in every setting. The only variant is how it's expressed in the EHCP. If it is properly specified as 1:1 dedicated to the child in question, then that is what it has to be irrespective of the type of school.

School didn’t lose your son, he hid and ignored them calling his name

What age is he

And all primary schools I know , it is impossible to get out into school grounds and escape them , unless go past via the office which also has shut door

Ours had two gates. Both locked 9-310 roughly with padlock etc

So even if had got out of school building, he would be in the grounds , it def no way for local peads to take him

@Lalliella

He wasn’t lost though. He chose to hide, to get out of doing something, and he didn’t come out when they called his name. He needs to learn that he shouldn’t do that

He's got ADHD and ODD. I suggest you educate yourself on the full implications of that - as the school should have done.

@dorkfink

Because I work in a send school and as PPs have said this happens on a regular basis because the students aren’t kept chained up like animals.

Even a 1:1 cannot have their eye on a child for every second. If a child is going to jump into a cupboard it can take a split second- the 1:1 would only have to turn around to tie another child's shoe laces or have a brief interaction with another staff member and the child could disappear if that's what they want to do. He was safe at school because I assume the school is like most schools and children can't leave the premises as the perimeter is fenced and locked.

@WonderfulYou I have no idea what point you are responding to & no idea why you are referring to chaining up dc 🤷🏻‍♀️

This incident occurred because of your son's complexities rather than any failing on the school's part. You say 'He said he was on his own!'. Well yes, of course he was - he was hiding in a cupboard for crying out loud!

When this school was named in the EHCP, they must have been consulted and presumably agreed that they could meet his needs. Therefore saying that the incident happened because of his complexities is no excuse whatsoever: they knew all about his complexities, they had extra funding to deal with them. If they couldn't keep him safe they should have made that clear from the moment they were consulted.

No-one should be arguing that a 1:1 TA should be deployed elsewhere. But they also shouldn't be expected to have eyes on the child every second: the ECHP money pays for a supernumerary TA, not a superhero. It's bloody exhausting looking after a child with ADHD and/or ODD. I was kicked, shoved, evaded, threatened, sworn at - and for the same money (fractionally more than minimum wage) than the 60-70% of TAs in my school who had classes with no pupils with additional needs at all. Extraordinary that parents who won't have eyes on their child every second at home, expect us to - and we probably have them for more weekday waking hours. Do you follow your ODD kids to the loo? Do they not play in their rooms without an adult present?

I know you are upset at the situation as you currently perceive it, but how likely are you to get an accurate picture from him when he has ODD? In other situations would he blame others for his own misbehaviour and refuse to accept responsibility?

Falling in with the idea that him hiding for ages is somehow someone else’s fault doesn’t seem like it will help him to make better choices in future.

Hope there was nothing dangerous in the cupboard!

I thought that cupboards were generally kept locked!