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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

School "lost" my vulnerable ADHD/ODD son today!

367 replies

3Daddy31982 · 28/01/2022 20:13

Head was nice to me. That in itself isn't normal. She said XXXX played a game with us today. I was a bit lost. Turns out they'd lost him for quite some time. He'd hidden in cupboard. Other child told us they'd been out shouting his name. Class children were also searching for him!

He has ehcp and meant to have a one to one. I've previously not been happy with TAs not watching him.

He also came out in huge sobbing tears.

When he'd calmed down he told us noone found him. He didn't want to go to assembly and they'd said he had to. He said he was on his own! Which he must have been if they didn't know where he was.

Gut feeling is he isn't safe at this school. Felt that way since Sept when my Dad went to pick third child up and saw him solo and unwatched.

OP posts:
heartonthetyne · 29/01/2022 17:00

@Strictly1

So many unanswered questions and possibly drama. We have one who is watched constantly but can run faster than us and at times hides. Doesn't mean we are negligent or the child is unsafe.
This. The comment about the paedophiles was a bit much.
cassgate · 29/01/2022 17:17

I am a TA and last year was a 1-1 for a year 6 child with ADHD and ODD. He would hide when he didn’t want to do something. All the gates were locked so he couldn’t get out but it was still awful knowing he was missing and having no idea if it was a game or if he was hurt somewhere. Obviously, we always found him and no harm ever came to him but it was still nerve racking every time it happened. He went to a mainstream secondary and I often wonder if he still does it. Couldn’t imagine what it would be like trying to find him there especially as the gates are left open.

AnotherSillawithanS · 29/01/2022 17:20

He wasn't lost, he was hiding.

trunktoes · 29/01/2022 17:44

@Spikeyball I understand that - but that's not coping with normal life. If the child is in a mainstream school presumably the hope is that he will be able to function in the wider community - if he isn't told how to that will be difficult

Mumofsend · 29/01/2022 18:17

@trunktoes you can't just tell someone and expect them to cope. I live a functional life and successfully avoid the things I can't cope with.

Hospedia · 29/01/2022 18:36

Just tell him?

"Hey kid, have you tried... y'know... just not being disabled? It would make life so much easier".

I'm sure that'll work.

Needacuppanow · 29/01/2022 18:50

@Jammydodged and this is why so many people leave education.
We are sick and tired of people like you who complain or suggest to others to complain to ofsted about everything. Seriously.

Original poster
3Daddy31982 · 29/01/2022 19:14

@milkysmum

I don't think the school lost him. He ran off and hid, quite different. It's really important to know exactly what the care plan is regarding the one to one also. Is he funded for additional one to one support in lessons, or is he on an eye sight/ arms length one to one at all times ( which I think would be unusual in a mainstream school but others may have direct experience saying otherwise).
He did NOT run off. He stated that he was on his own. The TA is paid as per Section F of his EHCP to be his 1 2 1. She should have been watching him.
OP posts:
Original poster
3Daddy31982 · 29/01/2022 19:16

@Hospedia

Just tell him?

"Hey kid, have you tried... y'know... just not being disabled? It would make life so much easier".

I'm sure that'll work.

Thank you. We asked him and he laughed. The adhd does that.
OP posts:
Original poster
3Daddy31982 · 29/01/2022 19:17

@Spikeyball

"But there are only so many staff to go around"

Yes I get the staffing issue. I think the OP should be discussing the hiding incident with the school to work out how and why it happened and how to move forward from it including if the ehcp needs an early review.

His 1 2 1 is PURELY PAID TO BE WITH HIM - he was on his own. It's not on that she left him she's HIS TA not a class TA.
OP posts:
buckeejit · 29/01/2022 19:19

Have they given you an account of what happened?

Original poster
3Daddy31982 · 29/01/2022 19:21

@Kittensinthekitchen x TY xxx

PP it's 17 hours +6 . Either they can meet need or they can't.

Yes pp I am aware how hard my son is going to find life. Thanks for the reminder.

OP posts:
Original poster
3Daddy31982 · 29/01/2022 19:21

@buckeejit

Have they given you an account of what happened?
acting head said he was missing for 3 mins (I don't buy it)
OP posts:
kittensinthekitchen · 29/01/2022 19:22

So this was hours during which your child's one to one should have been with him?

Original poster
3Daddy31982 · 29/01/2022 19:24

@danni0509

He hid in a cupboard because he quite clearly doesn’t want to go to assembly. (Which I don’t blame a child with additional needs, some can cope, some can’t, he is obviously one that can’t, if he has 1-1 during assembly time then she should stay with him in the classroom and do an activity he likes, or take him to the outdoor area and he shouldn’t be made to go, I would figure this would be a common sense approach)
His Consultant Paed said he needed a specialist school. LA want the cheapest option. A half decent solicitor is 7K.
OP posts:
Original poster
3Daddy31982 · 29/01/2022 19:24

@kittensinthekitchen

So this was hours during which your child's one to one should have been with him?
Yes, she's also my neighbour. I'm genuinely surprised. I wouldn't have expected her to have left him.
OP posts:
MichelleScarn · 29/01/2022 19:26

His 1 2 1 is PURELY PAID TO BE WITH HIM - he was on his own. It's not on that she left him she's HIS TA not a class TA.

So TA went off and left him on his own with no adults present?

Original poster
3Daddy31982 · 29/01/2022 19:27

[quote newchance2]@kittensinthekitchen
Similarly, do you think the school can possibly live to parents’ frankly unrealistic expectations? SEN or not, I find many parents’ attitude unbearable. Even in the best of times, even in a “perfect” school, a pupil can’t be treated like the only individual on the planet. “My poor child!” “Complain!” is almost always the only reaction to any kind of incident. Please, people, go work and/or volunteer in one of your local schools, see the reality of it and come back to this thread.[/quote]
I worked in schools since 2000. Feel free to belt up.

OP posts:
Original poster
3Daddy31982 · 29/01/2022 19:27

@AnotherSillawithanS

He wasn't lost, he was hiding.
They didn't know that.
OP posts:
EKGEMS · 29/01/2022 19:29

@LetHimHaveIt You may disagree with what I posted but I guess I'm a little overprotective for my son who cannot speak, walk or use the bathroom by himself and couldn't advocate for himself or tell me what went on at school. He has had a 1:1 for his entire school career here in the US.
I'm disturbed by so many of these posters expressing such strong emotions against a little boy with autism. Would it be the same if it was an elderly dementia patient in a nursing home? They're usually understaffed and overwhelmed.

2reefsin30knots · 29/01/2022 19:29

What do you mean 17 hours +6? Even 23 hours is far fewer than the full week.

Of course your DS was on his own- he was hiding?

Original poster
3Daddy31982 · 29/01/2022 19:30

[quote 2reefsin30knots]He's in Y2 and not engaging well with school in general:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4456199-Any-Year-2-Teachers-Would-you-expect-a-childs-2-books-from-Sept-to-be-empty[/quote]
I know. It just cost 7-30k for a half decent solicitor.

OP posts:
Mumofsend · 29/01/2022 19:40

@3Daddy31982 you really don't need a solicitor. It is very parent friendly. Just read up and take it step by step.

Hospedia · 29/01/2022 19:41

You can appeal the named school without a solicitor, the forms are a bit of a faff but the tribunal is free and IPSEA have some good guides on how to navigate the process.

Hospedia · 29/01/2022 19:42

IPSEA also have a service where you can book a phone call to get free legal advice from a solicitor, they can talk you through the process and make suggestions of what issues to highlight and which points are the most important to get across.