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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

My dad goes out for a walk as soon as we arrive

164 replies

again2020 · 28/01/2022 16:03

Just a quick one. My parents are quite hands off with DD, thats fine.
We go to see them on a Friday afternoon but often meet my mum first on the park then drive to their house. So DD sometimes only sees my father for 2 hours, if that. Quite often, not every time but at least 1 in 3 he will go out for an hour long walk when we get there. It's clear DD wants to see him and play. I think it's rude as he could go before we arrive, or after.
Aibu?

OP posts:

Snowiscold · 29/01/2022 10:35

To my mind, your frame of reference is not typical. My DC’s grandparents, all of them, live over 250 miles away. None of their grandchildren from my siblings or DH’s siblings live much closer. Most live much further away. That seems relatively normal where I am - people move from their home towns to find work elsewhere and then settle there. So of course they can’t see

RedskyThisNight · 29/01/2022 11:23

A quick perusal of threads on MN will show you that there are quite as many grandparents who never bother with their grandchildren at all, despite living round the corner. And of course lots of grandparents that don't live close enough to see their grandchildren all the time and might only see them once or twice a year, or for a day every month.

But the absence of something is much harder to spot.
If your dad was refusing to see his GC at all, you would have more of a point. But he's seeing her every single week. That's more than enough time to build a bond, and you might find as your DD gets older they will want to spend more time together.

Mummadeze · 29/01/2022 11:30

We see my parents about once a year due to geography and when we visit my Dad spends most of the time in another room on the computer. Playing solitaire or browsing the internet, he is retired, so not working. I just enjoy time with my Mum and try to not let it bother me. You can’t choose your parents and they can’t choose their kids. We have never got along well really.

whynotwhatknot · 29/01/2022 11:37

I think its rude to just walk out when you arrive even if he doesnt want to play with his gdc-how would he feel if he went round someones house and they did that to him

quite sad he doesnt want a relationship really

80sMum · 29/01/2022 11:39

I think my dad would have disappeared down to the allotments or to the end of the garden if I'd turned up at the house every week with a baby or toddler!

I used to see my parents about every 8 weeks or so when the children were tiny. I think that was enough for them.

Now I come to think about it, I think dad often did go out and do a bit of gardening while we were there! Can't say I blame him, to be honest. I would have done the same if an opportunity had arisen!

PlasticPlantsDontDie · 29/01/2022 11:43

I cannot understand the replies on this thread.

2 hours a week is nothing. My parents love their grandchildren and I couldn’t imagine my dad going out for a walk the moment their GC arrived because they’d be so excited to see them.

OP I really feel for you. It must make you feel quite down.

Ionlydomassiveones · 29/01/2022 11:53

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

Kite22 · 29/01/2022 20:53

I think some people are forgetting that some Grandparents are in their 30 s, others in their 40s, 50s, etc, where as OP has said her Dad is late 70s. There is a massive difference.

Also, of course, there is a difference in all 4 yr olds. We have no idea how boisterous / calm, loud / quiet, demanding / passive the OP's dc is.

LovePoppy · 29/01/2022 21:18

@Ionlydomassiveones

I can’t believe people are letting him off the hook so easily. I think it’s bloody rude and hurtful and I’d certainly be making pointed comments about it. Some people would give their right arm for a chance to spend time with GC like that. What a miserable git.

I hate this attitude.

It’s so insular to one’s own life.

Look outside the house. People have their own shit going on.

AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken · 30/01/2022 09:22

I wonder if posters would be so forgiving if it was grandmother making excuses and leaving the second the grandkids arrive?

zingally · 30/01/2022 09:43

2 hours a week, every week, seems like a LOT to me!

But then I grew up only seeing my grandparents maybe once or twice a year.

SatinHeart · 30/01/2022 09:51

Do you visit at the same time every week? My PILs love their routine and if we turned up at the time FIL goes for his daily walk then he'd go anyway because that's the time he goes. They don't move their routine for anyone, it's not personal. If you vary the day/time you visit and he still goes out then yes he's avoiding your DD

Is he very afraid of Covid?

OopsadayZ · 30/01/2022 10:04

@again2020 how well behaved is your child? Does she quietly play independently for 2 hours? Or is she running around flitting from toy to toy demanding attention? Is she noisy? If she is desperate for your Dad's attention, he probably finds it exhausting.

Take the hint - your Dad doesn't enjoy being around your child. That's his prerogative. You say he was hands off when you were a child - so you really can't expect him to be so hands on with your child

LovePoppy · 30/01/2022 16:03

@AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken

I wonder if posters would be so forgiving if it was grandmother making excuses and leaving the second the grandkids arrive?

I would be.

I’d also visit less as they obviously don’t want me to visit so often

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