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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband wants to take Covid Positive son out for the day….

999 replies

DontWantTheRivalry · 28/01/2022 12:39

I’m in such a quandary.

Me, DH and DS (aged 7) tested positive last week.

DH was ill for a few days but was back at work on Day 7 after two negative LFTs.

I’m on Day 7 and my line is now starting to fade. I’ve been asymptomatic throughout.

DS is on Day 6, he has also been completely asymptomatic but his LFT is still positive.

My quandary is this…

DS and DH have got tickets to go to an event tomorrow that DS been looking forward to for about 6 months and this morning (after his latest LFT) we had to break the news to him that he wouldn’t be able to go and he was absolutely devastated. He started crying and it broke my heart.

He asked me if he could still go if he promised not to eat all day so he didn’t have to open his mouth and I just wanted to cry Sad

Everything is a 1000 times worse because he’s absolutely fine, he’s not ill at all and it seems so unfair on him. This event is something that means a lot to him and his dad and I’m genuinely gutted that the positive LFT means he can’t go.

However, my problem is that my DH has just phoned me and said that he wants to take our son anyway as the event is outdoors and DH said he doesn’t want to DS to miss out on something that means a lot to him when he’s perfectly well. DH said that if we repeat the LFT in the morning and it’s faint then he’s going to take DS on the trip.

I feel so torn. I know it’s awful because I really do know that if he’s LFT positive he shouldn’t go, but as a mother of a distraught little boy it’s so hard to be the bad guy.

Do I need to put a stop to this?

Or would it be ok to just hand control over to DH and say “I don’t agree with what you’re doing but I physically can’t stop you taking him.”

I hate Covid.

I don’t know what to do or what to say to DH.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
9
DeirdreRashid · 28/01/2022 18:32

Let the poor lad go to the bloody football, stick a mask on him if it makes you feel better. And no I’m not joking. People are triple vaccinated, it’s outside, he’ll wear a mask and do will anyone else that presumably feels the need. Enough testing of healthy well children

snowdropsandcrocuses · 28/01/2022 18:32

Without a shadow of a doubt I would let him go for the following reasons

  1. he has no symptoms and research has shown that you are likely far less contagious
  2. he was likely positive a few days before the pcr based on yours and your DH results
  3. it is an outside event
  4. if this was at a different stage in the pandemic, you might not even have tested son without symptoms due to his age
  5. all adults at the game will have had the opportunity to vaccinate
  6. omicron is milder
  7. it is a once in a lifetime chance
  8. your son will be no less or more contagious than your husband
  9. the rules change CONSTANTLY and there is no rhyme or reason
  10. if so called negative LFT close contacts can continue to go to work until they test positive then they carry the same risk or worse of spreading it (for instance when me and my two DC tested positive on PCR but DP carried on going to work because he was negative)
  11. this has gone on for too long. We have to learn to exist with it. Your son will it be the only person there that has had recent contact with covid
  12. evidence shows you are past your most contagious stage after five days
  13. a month ago the advice was to isolate for set days then never test again for 12 weeks as you can continue to get positive results. So the tests mean nothing!

Let you son go to the game

PeachyPeachTrees · 28/01/2022 18:34

@Benjispruce5

Yeah Covid is hard on children, especially those that lose grandparents and family to Covid because selfish people are unable to think beyond their own needs.
Exactly
Moody123 · 28/01/2022 18:35

If let him go, it's been awful for kids

LittleBearPad · 28/01/2022 18:37

Oh let him go with a mask.

Fingers crossed in the morning that test will be negative anyway.

Newnamefor2022 · 28/01/2022 18:37

@DontWantTheRivalry

…..I’d let him go. but id tell him to wear a mask.

When he asked if he could go if he promised not to eat all day he also said that he’d wear two masks and put his hands on top of the masks “so no breath can come out”.

I asked him how he was planning on breathing if he did that and he said “I will just breathe a little bit by moving a finger but I won’t breathe as much as I normally would.”

(He still had tears in my eyes when he was telling me this. It’s like he was begging me) Sad

It’s heartbreaking Sad

I so, so want to let him go but morally I just feel like I can’t go along with it.

I agree with you. It's heartbreaking but you can't take someone positive for covid, to a public event!
Sunshineandrainbow · 28/01/2022 18:39

I wrould let him attend the football. Its outside. He can wear a mask and a scarf around his mouth as extra.
Not sure on the match but if not sold out could moved to a quieter area.

Hope he has a great day Smile

snowdropsandcrocuses · 28/01/2022 18:39

@flowerfairy6004

It depends on how you see ethics - is it ok to potentially put others in danger if you really want something? Is it ok to break rules if you’re breaking them because it’s something important to you even though you know it’s wrong? Remember your son looks up to his parents to teach him his ethics - if you teach him to lie and do what you want, you can’t then get angry down the road if he continues to do the same behaviour. My child had to miss his best friend’s party that he’d been looking forward to for months - he was completely asymptomatic too, but he understood that potentially he could hurt others and that he had to stay cooped up for 10days. Was he upset - absolutely but he watched his grandad struggle to breathe when he caught COVID in the first wave of when there was no vaccines, little understanding of effective treatments and so he understood sometimes you make sacrifices for others. There is always going to be other events you could take him too, treats to make up for his disappointment.
Actually I disagree with this - well at least I don't think it's a complete picture.

'Potentially put someone in danger' is emotive but actually not entirely accurate. To genuinely discuss the ethics you would have to look at the risk level. If you drive 10mph over the speed limit, you potentially put someone in danger. If you look down when you're driving, or adjust the radio, or get distracted by the kids in the back, or take one hand off the wheel, you elevate the risk and 'potentially put someone in danger'.

The risks associated with her son going to the game are exceptionally low. Vaccines, repeated exposure, different variants, increased sanitation, masks, being outside, the number of days after he tested positive and no symptoms ALL have a huge effect on lowering that risk.

We risk assess all day every day. When we cross the road, when we drive, where we eat, what we do. Anyone going to that game is risk assessing, understanding it is definite that there will be people in that crowd that are covid positive and don't know it yet.

Telling this mum her son Is putting people in danger is such simplistic it is ridiculous

Lampan · 28/01/2022 18:41

Of course he shouldn’t go

HabitsDieHard · 28/01/2022 18:41

Ah let him go.
The risk is so much smaller than it used to be.
Vulnerable people are vaccinated.
He's only 7.

toomuchlaundry · 28/01/2022 18:47

If he does go what sort of mask would he be wearing? Do you have any FFP2 masks?

busymomtoone · 28/01/2022 18:47

What a quandary 🥺. I think the worst thing is that your son is so aware of the implications/ rules so if you break them you imply it’s ok to be a “bit Boris.” On the other hand, realistically he was probably way more infectious in the early days - hence the rapid spread via schoolchildren etc. I am on daily testing for work but it took a week for test result to catch up with symptoms! I’d say given that most people are v aware of some asymptotic people never testing ( but still being infectious) anyone at high risk of effects or non vaccinated is unlikely to attend a large scale event - additionally it is outdoors. I’m usually v much a rule keeper - but on this specific occasion as he is so near end of quarantine I’d be inclined to fake a clear LF for him tomorrow ( if it’s not actually clear) , but say as he might have residual symptoms/ infection he must still wear a mask and not eat indoors/ close to others. That way you relieve him to some extent of feeling he/ your family is an exception to rules - but also enable him to go. Kids have missed out so, so much whilst leaders of the nation were doing exactly as they pleased - I really think he deserves a break!!! Would feel differently if this was day one or two - but as others have said there are infectious people wandering around on day 11 ; and/ or asymptotic AND unmasked so your son is more than playing his part bless him.

MaybeHeIsMyCat · 28/01/2022 18:50

@HabitsDieHard

Ah let him go. The risk is so much smaller than it used to be. Vulnerable people are vaccinated. He's only 7.
We haven't all had the full lot! I've had my 4th just this morning and it's the very first date I was eligible for it (Not commenting on the ins and outs of isolation/football, just saying it's a misconception we are all fully vaccinated)
Tessabelle74 · 28/01/2022 18:54

I'd let him go

YerAWizardHarry01 · 28/01/2022 18:58

I'd let him go

2022NameChange · 28/01/2022 19:01

I get it, this is sad for your son, but please don't be selfish. Stream the match or listen on the radio, make it a little party for you all. Don't do this. It's just unfair on all I realise this but it's teaching your son all the wrong things about social responsibility, they're likely to ask on the gate therefore your DH will lie and show your son that's ok, and you don't know he won't pass it on to someone who could become so very ill. Just distract him, he's 7, come up with a fun day at home

CovidForChristmas · 28/01/2022 19:03

@HabitsDieHard my DC is in the 5-11 group now able to be vaccinated as a vulnerable child. This only became available in January 2022.

My child can’t get the vaccine yet because they are recovering from a hospital stay, due to catching covid.

Just wanted to correct your statement that:
“Vulnerable people are vaccinated”

Not true. Many are not, through no fault of their own.

Some perspective on this thread would be wonderful.

masha17 · 28/01/2022 19:07

Let him go

ForTheLoveOfDoughnuts · 28/01/2022 19:07

@Elpheba

If tomorrow is day 7 I’d let him go. I’d do an LF in the morning and tell him he’s clear even if he wasn’t!
I totally agree with this
2022NameChange · 28/01/2022 19:08

@CovidForChristmas agreed, my sister has had a transplant, very vulnerable, lots of additional complications. She had a brain bleed and needed major surgery to fix, which was after first jab and before second. She still isn't signed off for having second jab due to increased brain swelling still. So I agree, some of our most vulnerable, due to their vulnerabilities, are not fully vaccinated yet

Disneygirl37 · 28/01/2022 19:11

If its outside I would let him go. Do a test and tell him it's negative. The risk outside us pretty low.

chaosrabbitland · 28/01/2022 19:11

id let him go

Mouldyfeet · 28/01/2022 19:12

Let him go.

lightnesspixie · 28/01/2022 19:12

Let him go

affairsofdragons · 28/01/2022 19:13

I hope everyone who is saying he should go, or that they would go, or that they would send their own child aren't parents who complain about the current states of schools when we can't get enough staff members in to actually teach. We're babysitting at the moment in many of our classes because we have so many covid positive staff members, as well as a very high percentage of children off.