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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband wants to take Covid Positive son out for the day….

999 replies

DontWantTheRivalry · 28/01/2022 12:39

I’m in such a quandary.

Me, DH and DS (aged 7) tested positive last week.

DH was ill for a few days but was back at work on Day 7 after two negative LFTs.

I’m on Day 7 and my line is now starting to fade. I’ve been asymptomatic throughout.

DS is on Day 6, he has also been completely asymptomatic but his LFT is still positive.

My quandary is this…

DS and DH have got tickets to go to an event tomorrow that DS been looking forward to for about 6 months and this morning (after his latest LFT) we had to break the news to him that he wouldn’t be able to go and he was absolutely devastated. He started crying and it broke my heart.

He asked me if he could still go if he promised not to eat all day so he didn’t have to open his mouth and I just wanted to cry Sad

Everything is a 1000 times worse because he’s absolutely fine, he’s not ill at all and it seems so unfair on him. This event is something that means a lot to him and his dad and I’m genuinely gutted that the positive LFT means he can’t go.

However, my problem is that my DH has just phoned me and said that he wants to take our son anyway as the event is outdoors and DH said he doesn’t want to DS to miss out on something that means a lot to him when he’s perfectly well. DH said that if we repeat the LFT in the morning and it’s faint then he’s going to take DS on the trip.

I feel so torn. I know it’s awful because I really do know that if he’s LFT positive he shouldn’t go, but as a mother of a distraught little boy it’s so hard to be the bad guy.

Do I need to put a stop to this?

Or would it be ok to just hand control over to DH and say “I don’t agree with what you’re doing but I physically can’t stop you taking him.”

I hate Covid.

I don’t know what to do or what to say to DH.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
9
skippy67 · 28/01/2022 17:58

wrongly not wrinkly

Nocutenamesleft · 28/01/2022 18:00

@alfreddo87

Sorry but if you don't let your son go to the football match then you are actually the worlds worst parent. Listen to DH. Let him go. Please let him go.
😂😂😂😂
saraclara · 28/01/2022 18:00

@Dguu6u

All the sacrifices people have made, not being able to visit relatives one last time before they die, and you get upset that your son can’t go to a football game! Shame on you and all the other people commenting it’s fine to go.
Apart from the fact that OP has, all the way through, felt that her son shouldn't go, those sacrifices were made before we had vaccines and when the virus was more dangerous than Omicron. People are able to see sick and dying relatives now.
Rainbowsandstorms · 28/01/2022 18:03

@DontWantTheRivalry

that’s the advice we were given too. A close contact in the same household should do a daily LFT, even if they have no symptoms.

I genuinely didn’t know that Sad

I thought they just had to continue life as normal and only test if they had symptoms.

Slapped wrists for me.

This info would have been given if your husband reported his test result and then provided your details to track and trace, which is why these procedures are important. Anyone age five or above should lft everyday for seven days after close contact with a positive person to pick up and isolate cases. If you’re symptomatic then you need a PCR even if negative on a LFT as it can take a while for a LFT to show as positive.
MaybeHeIsMyCat · 28/01/2022 18:03

@Toanewstart22 so I can never go to a football match, ever, for the rest of my life? It's not that I am not that vulnerable or taking a risk, it's that my condition is lifelong
So imagine being thirty and hit with a diagnosis and then never going to a bar, pub, football match, shopping centre... anywhere. And it's not for a few months or even years, it's forever
That's why I occasionally want to go to some places

Bagamoyo1 · 28/01/2022 18:03

I’d let him go.
No question.

Sosigsandwich · 28/01/2022 18:11

I'd let him go too

MichelleScarn · 28/01/2022 18:11

@Dguu6u

WTF is wrong with people encouraging illegal behaviour? Fingers crossed Test and Trace visits your house tomorrow while your son is out spreading Covid everywhere.
Are they doing home visits? Hmm
Blondeshavemorefun · 28/01/2022 18:12

Well done for deciding he can’t go

Will dh still go

Belladonna12 · 28/01/2022 18:13

[quote MaybeHeIsMyCat]@Toanewstart22 so I can never go to a football match, ever, for the rest of my life? It's not that I am not that vulnerable or taking a risk, it's that my condition is lifelong
So imagine being thirty and hit with a diagnosis and then never going to a bar, pub, football match, shopping centre... anywhere. And it's not for a few months or even years, it's forever
That's why I occasionally want to go to some places [/quote]
You will be able to go to a football match etc eventually , particularly once mono clonal antibodies to prevent infection are available, but I would be a bad idea at the moment if you are CEV. The prevalence is so high that there will be many people there with it.

Thirtytimesround · 28/01/2022 18:14

Covid is contagious for up to ten days after infection.

Your son’s feelings are irrelevant, all that matters is whether he’s infectious or not.

If he goes to the event he will expose many people to it, if one of them is vulnerable he could literally kill them. And you will never know. So not your problem, you can tell yourself it was all fine. Sucks to be the dead guy’s parent/spouse/child though, eh.

I would go ballistic if my DH suggested this unless I was 100% certain DS had been infected at least 10 days earlier.

Original poster
DontWantTheRivalry · 28/01/2022 18:15

Will dh still go?

He doesn’t know.

He doesn’t want to leave DS behind but our son said he wants his dad to go so he (DH) can tell him (DS) all about it when he gets home Sad

OP posts:
roseberrycherry · 28/01/2022 18:15

I'd let him go!

MyDcAreMarvel · 28/01/2022 18:16

Let him go, his day out is more important than someone who is immune compromised getting sick or worse.

flowerfairy6004 · 28/01/2022 18:16

It depends on how you see ethics - is it ok to potentially put others in danger if you really want something? Is it ok to break rules if you’re breaking them because it’s something important to you even though you know it’s wrong? Remember your son looks up to his parents to teach him his ethics - if you teach him to lie and do what you want, you can’t then get angry down the road if he continues to do the same behaviour. My child had to miss his best friend’s party that he’d been looking forward to for months - he was completely asymptomatic too, but he understood that potentially he could hurt others and that he had to stay cooped up for 10days. Was he upset - absolutely but he watched his grandad struggle to breathe when he caught COVID in the first wave of when there was no vaccines, little understanding of effective treatments and so he understood sometimes you make sacrifices for others. There is always going to be other events you could take him too, treats to make up for his disappointment.

IDidntKnowItWasAParty · 28/01/2022 18:21

Is there some other similar football thing that you could book for him in the future?

Belladonna12 · 28/01/2022 18:21

@MyDcAreMarvel

Let him go, his day out is more important than someone who is immune compromised getting sick or worse.
I doubt that immunocompromised people are going to go to crowded football matches as the moment. They would be nuts to do that considering how prevalent covid is.
JanisMoplin · 28/01/2022 18:21

@DontWantTheRivalry

Will dh still go?

He doesn’t know.

He doesn’t want to leave DS behind but our son said he wants his dad to go so he (DH) can tell him (DS) all about it when he gets home Sad

Sad I don't think you deserve the kicking you have got on this thread. Hope your DS enjoys his night in.
Sparkletastic · 28/01/2022 18:23

FFP3 standard surgical mask for DS and go.

IDidntKnowItWasAParty · 28/01/2022 18:24

Pressed send too soon. I meant to say, as awful and horrific as it is, we've all had to explain things like this to our kids over the past 2 years. We've all seen their disappointment. We've all felt awful inside. It's horrible, but this is what we have been doing to reduce the spread. If we all bent the rules and spread it more than we need to, we could infect a vulnerable person, an elderly person, another child who then goes off school and misses lessons and their parents miss work, another child who may also miss a speacial event......sorry this isn't what you want to hear OP, I get it, of course, I really do, we all do. But.......

muddyford · 28/01/2022 18:25

I'd let him go.

Loki01 · 28/01/2022 18:25

I completely understand how hard and heartbreaking it is but I would use this as a learning opportunity. I would explain that we need to protect our vulnerable and he is doing his bit.
This way you would be teaching him not to give a crap...

HelloPanda12 · 28/01/2022 18:26

Not to sound rude, but please don’t be selfish in letting him go. I know he’s upset but I’m sure the family of a dying older relative who has picked up COVID from someone who knows they have it and are out and about anyway will be a lot more distraught. Your husband needs to realise this virus is actually killing people and although your son is completely fine he is still positive and can still spread it.

MyComputerGetsSadWithoutMe · 28/01/2022 18:27

I'd let him go

Cersai · 28/01/2022 18:32

If you are not comfortable with the decision then it’s not the right one.