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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband wants to take Covid Positive son out for the day….

999 replies

DontWantTheRivalry · 28/01/2022 12:39

I’m in such a quandary.

Me, DH and DS (aged 7) tested positive last week.

DH was ill for a few days but was back at work on Day 7 after two negative LFTs.

I’m on Day 7 and my line is now starting to fade. I’ve been asymptomatic throughout.

DS is on Day 6, he has also been completely asymptomatic but his LFT is still positive.

My quandary is this…

DS and DH have got tickets to go to an event tomorrow that DS been looking forward to for about 6 months and this morning (after his latest LFT) we had to break the news to him that he wouldn’t be able to go and he was absolutely devastated. He started crying and it broke my heart.

He asked me if he could still go if he promised not to eat all day so he didn’t have to open his mouth and I just wanted to cry Sad

Everything is a 1000 times worse because he’s absolutely fine, he’s not ill at all and it seems so unfair on him. This event is something that means a lot to him and his dad and I’m genuinely gutted that the positive LFT means he can’t go.

However, my problem is that my DH has just phoned me and said that he wants to take our son anyway as the event is outdoors and DH said he doesn’t want to DS to miss out on something that means a lot to him when he’s perfectly well. DH said that if we repeat the LFT in the morning and it’s faint then he’s going to take DS on the trip.

I feel so torn. I know it’s awful because I really do know that if he’s LFT positive he shouldn’t go, but as a mother of a distraught little boy it’s so hard to be the bad guy.

Do I need to put a stop to this?

Or would it be ok to just hand control over to DH and say “I don’t agree with what you’re doing but I physically can’t stop you taking him.”

I hate Covid.

I don’t know what to do or what to say to DH.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
9
MrsArchchancellorRidcully · 28/01/2022 16:47

Is take home 100%. Poor kid.

MrsArchchancellorRidcully · 28/01/2022 16:47

I'd take HIM

Rainbowsandstorms · 28/01/2022 16:47

Re your latest post, he should have been tested daily to go to school as a close contact. Maybe it would have been picked up earlier or maybe your husband was the index case. You’ll never know but again you put other families at risk by not following the testing guidelines.

Katieandthekids · 28/01/2022 16:48

I'd let him go x

Benjispruce5 · 28/01/2022 16:48

I can see how this thing has spread now, people who can’t let their children be disappointed so will risk the health of others to play good cop, nice.

TheLovelinessOfDemons · 28/01/2022 16:48

@Boomboomackalackalackaboom

if you are really CEV then while the rates are so high and it's so contagious, wouldn't you CHOOSE to put your own health first and stay the fuck at home?

@CornishGem1975 do you know CEV people have jobs that they have to attend? their partners also have jobs that they have to attend or they don’t get paid.
Are you offering to pay my mortgage & bills so I don’t have to go out to work and risk the life of my CEV loved one? Because infected people won’t stay the fuck at home?

DS1 has been trapped indoors since March 2020 apart from being allowed out this birthday and recently for physio for 10 minutes a day. He's suicidal, but that's OK, according to some people. I hope your loved one's OK.
Meowwwwwww · 28/01/2022 16:49

@DontWantTheRivalry

Just let him go. If he's asymptomatic he'd never have even realised he had it if he hadn't tested.

When we did test him we didn’t actually think it would come up as positive because he was totally fine - and still is.

His younger brother, who is 4, has spent all day, every day with my positive 7 year old and despite daily LFTs he’s always been negative.

I know what the ‘right’ thing to do is, but that doesn’t mean it’s easy.

It is completely random who gets it between family members. Only one of my children got it and was quite ill and the rest of us didn’t get it. Everyone has stories like this. Some will get it, some won’t. But that’s exactly why you are supposed to stay home. If you expose three people they may not get it but if you expose 20 people I’d bet several of them would.

I know it’s not cut and dried but the fact is a lot of children have lost out on special events, birthdays or even saying goodbye to a dying loved one. It sucks when it happens to your child but he will be OK. IF it is a truly once-in-a-lifetime event I might make a different call but if it’s something he can do again next year I’d have to keep him home. But on the day of the event I would let him have tonnes of screen time and junk food and I’d probably buy him a new game or Lego set to distract him.

I definitely don’t agree with just washing your hands of it because your DH is the one taking him. My DH and I make decisions for our children as a team and if I know he’s going to do something and I don’t object that means I am OK with it. Deciding not to intervene is still a choice to let them go. It’s not like I could “forbid” my DH from taking our child somewhere but in a situation like this we would discuss it and if I felt very strongly I could probably bring him round.

MrsArchchancellorRidcully · 28/01/2022 16:49

@DontWantTheRivalry

I just wish I had tested him earlier.

My DH got a positive test on a Wednesday and I got mine on a Friday and then DS got his on the Saturday because I tested him “just in case”.

I wish I had just tested him as soon as DH got his positive because this wouldn’t even be an issue then as tomorrow would be Day 10 (assuming he would have tested positive) and he would have been out of isolation anyway.

This is what gets me about the “days” issue, because if I had tested him a few days beforehand (when he was probably infected then too) he’d be allowed out the house by now, but because I didn’t he’s still isolating.

If his line is still faint tomorrow then I have accepted we’ll have to keep him home. My son and DH will be gutted and I will feel awful.

This is why the testing of perfectly well Children needs to stop. Stop testing and stop isolation.
Finallygotme · 28/01/2022 16:51

@affairsofdragons

I hate all of you saying let him go. Absolutely hate you.

It has been rampaging through our primary, and while most of the children haven't been seriously ill, it's taken out most of the staff one after the other, and parents these past 3 weeks, and we've barely been able to babysit mixed classes let alone teach them.

FFS No wonder we can't get rid of it.

@affairsofdragons

We can't get rid of it because we have to send them to school even if I think they have it. My DD siblings have it, she has a slight headache and has been told to go to school.

User7698365 · 28/01/2022 16:51

These Covid threads belong in the Covid section where all the Covid nutters reside

Nosetickle · 28/01/2022 16:51

I think it’s strong of a pp to say they hate people saying let him go. I must amid when I said this I thought it was something outside they could socially distance at. The situation is the thing you hate not the people who have been completely and utterly shafted by the terrible decisions made by our government since the start of this pandemic. Covid isn’t going anywhere. The totally illogical and confusing rules are not even being followed by the people who are making them up! It’s a total shambles. I feel for OP, I feel for all of us. No idea where we go from here. The nation is just getting more and more divided it’s depressing.

boysmuminherts · 28/01/2022 16:51

I can't believe people saying it's OK to let him go.

Maybe I'm influenced by the fact that I kept my 2 asymptomatic children home separately for the full 10 days (2 different occasions) or I don't know what but especially if his lft is negative then DO NOT LET HIM GO.

Also - he knows the rules - you are saying it's OK to break them cos it suits you.

No wonder this thing is going round and not stopping....

Benjispruce5 · 28/01/2022 16:51

We’ve just had an outbreak at work which started in asymptomatic children. The adults that subsequently caught it were triple jabbed and a couple were really poorly.

thingymaboob · 28/01/2022 16:52

@DontWantTheRivalry

I just wish I had tested him earlier.

My DH got a positive test on a Wednesday and I got mine on a Friday and then DS got his on the Saturday because I tested him “just in case”.

I wish I had just tested him as soon as DH got his positive because this wouldn’t even be an issue then as tomorrow would be Day 10 (assuming he would have tested positive) and he would have been out of isolation anyway.

This is what gets me about the “days” issue, because if I had tested him a few days beforehand (when he was probably infected then too) he’d be allowed out the house by now, but because I didn’t he’s still isolating.

If his line is still faint tomorrow then I have accepted we’ll have to keep him home. My son and DH will be gutted and I will feel awful.

You're doing the right thing keeping him at home. This thread has made me feel really really sad with the amount of people who have said to take him regardless of the LFT. I know we are all sick of this but you have no idea who you could be infecting.
clpsmum · 28/01/2022 16:52

I'd let him go tbh

CovidForChristmas · 28/01/2022 16:53

@Rainbowsandstorms that’s the advice we were given too. A close contact in the same household should do a daily LFT, even if they have no symptoms.

My DC missed Christmas and New Year isolating. That wasn’t as bad as the hospital stay my CV child had with covid though, so I guess it’s all relative.

FajitaBonita · 28/01/2022 16:54

@Rosenborg

Oh that made me well up. Poor kid. I'd take him.
Oh get a grip, the kid has a highly infectious disease that could be fatal to some people. He needs to learn to be let down at times,this is one of them.
Overthebow · 28/01/2022 16:55

I was going to say take him anyway as I thought it was an outdoor event in a field or something where he could stay away from others. A football match is completely different, he’ll be sitting right next to others and will be entering and exiting in crowded indoor areas. Assuming he will also be using the indoor crowded toilets too. I’m all for relaxing the isolation and testing but we’re not completely there yet and a football match whilst positive is a step too far and not fair on others.

Original poster
DontWantTheRivalry · 28/01/2022 16:56

Deciding not to intervene is still a choice to let them go. It’s not like I could “forbid” my DH from taking our child somewhere but in a situation like this we would discuss it and if I felt very strongly I could probably bring him round.

My DH won’t take him if he knows I’m really against it, but that doesn’t change the fact that I will know it was my feelings that will have prevented my son’s day from going ahead.

OP posts:
Newbabynewhouse · 28/01/2022 16:56

No he should be isolating..a positive test means he is contagious when he talks/sneezes licks his fingers etc...it could be risking a vulnerable persons life if he goes and spreads it...its such a shame but as another PP said, do many people have been let down with this virus..can it not be rescheduled?

KeepYaHeadUp · 28/01/2022 16:56

@Delatron

Yes *@KeepYaHeadUp* it’s the isolation that’s causing the problems. That will be going soon.

And we can stop keeping healthy children indoors missing more education and physical activity. Finally a sensible approach.

It's not just the isolation, it's illness. In teacher, employees who are WFH but too unwell to work.

The asymptomatic isolation might be cut shorter if people who did test positive followed guidelines and cases were allowed to drop. In my region, in all districts, they're increasing. The pressure on hospitals is increasing.

Original poster
DontWantTheRivalry · 28/01/2022 16:58

that’s the advice we were given too. A close contact in the same household should do a daily LFT, even if they have no symptoms.

I genuinely didn’t know that Sad

I thought they just had to continue life as normal and only test if they had symptoms.

Slapped wrists for me.

OP posts:
FoamBurst · 28/01/2022 16:58

I'd let him go.

I know so many who didn't isolate at all. And went shopping etc etc which I know is allowed in the rules. But I'm on about to shopping centres for a mooch about.

Just do it.

ConstantCougher · 28/01/2022 16:58

I’d let him go tbh. Poor little kid saying he’d wear two masks and not breathe. We’ve fucked our kids over IMO.

Slowfoxfast · 28/01/2022 16:59

It is heartbreaking but many children have missed all kinds of events. A match is a very crowded venue and you can't help shouting and cheering which is great for the virus. Who knows, you might be standing next to someone vulnerable or who has a vulnerable child at home.