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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband wants to take Covid Positive son out for the day….

999 replies

DontWantTheRivalry · 28/01/2022 12:39

I’m in such a quandary.

Me, DH and DS (aged 7) tested positive last week.

DH was ill for a few days but was back at work on Day 7 after two negative LFTs.

I’m on Day 7 and my line is now starting to fade. I’ve been asymptomatic throughout.

DS is on Day 6, he has also been completely asymptomatic but his LFT is still positive.

My quandary is this…

DS and DH have got tickets to go to an event tomorrow that DS been looking forward to for about 6 months and this morning (after his latest LFT) we had to break the news to him that he wouldn’t be able to go and he was absolutely devastated. He started crying and it broke my heart.

He asked me if he could still go if he promised not to eat all day so he didn’t have to open his mouth and I just wanted to cry Sad

Everything is a 1000 times worse because he’s absolutely fine, he’s not ill at all and it seems so unfair on him. This event is something that means a lot to him and his dad and I’m genuinely gutted that the positive LFT means he can’t go.

However, my problem is that my DH has just phoned me and said that he wants to take our son anyway as the event is outdoors and DH said he doesn’t want to DS to miss out on something that means a lot to him when he’s perfectly well. DH said that if we repeat the LFT in the morning and it’s faint then he’s going to take DS on the trip.

I feel so torn. I know it’s awful because I really do know that if he’s LFT positive he shouldn’t go, but as a mother of a distraught little boy it’s so hard to be the bad guy.

Do I need to put a stop to this?

Or would it be ok to just hand control over to DH and say “I don’t agree with what you’re doing but I physically can’t stop you taking him.”

I hate Covid.

I don’t know what to do or what to say to DH.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
9
Blossomtoes · 28/01/2022 15:04

@User8721643839

Let him go, but, he may drop you in it accidentally....
Not if he’s told his test is negative - and of course it could very easily be tomorrow.
AlecTrevelyan006 · 28/01/2022 15:04

Let him go

newusernamewhosdis · 28/01/2022 15:05

@MazzleDazzle

Crikey, not the usual responses you get on MN! I’m with everyone else though. Let him go.

If tomorrow is day 7 I’d let him go. I’d do an LF in the morning and tell him he’s clear even if he wasn’t! - I’d do this so that your DS can go with a clear conscience.

This is a good suggestion for your sons peace of mind. He may be negative by the morning anyway.

It's strange isn't it how we actually have become so brainwashed with the rules that it feels odd trying to make a common sense decision on this now.

kickupafuss · 28/01/2022 15:06

Is there any possibility of rescheduling the event? I had queued online for hours for tickets to an event that was completely sold out. We tested positive a few days before the day and I was so upset. I never thought I’d be back to change the tickets but I phoned and explained. To my surprise they were lovely and managed to find a couple of tickets for us on another day.

TorringtonDean · 28/01/2022 15:07

How is he getting to this open air event? Where is he eating? Going to the toilet? You know he will spread it, right? Utterly irresponsible.

CorneliusVetch · 28/01/2022 15:07

I wouldn’t let him go - I personally am a stickler for rules. This wave isn’t over and I don’t think the time has come yet to knowingly go out with Covid.

But I am really sick of some of the sanctimony on this thread:

-no, people like the OP are not the reason Covid spread like wildfire. That’ll be because it was a highly contagious novel virus.

-no, people like the OP are not why the clinically vulnerable can’t go out. They can’t go out because Covid rates are very high, and would be very high whether OP’s son goes out or not, as there are few if any social distancing restrictions and Omicron is fucking contagious. it wouldn’t suddenly become Covid safe to leave the house if all the knowingly positive stayed in.

-yes we have all had to make sacrifices. That includes the OP and her son who, as far as we know, have complied with the rules and already given up plenty. At some point the sacrifices have to stop. We all know that.

-yes the OP’s son is more important to her than other children. Obviously. He is her son.

-yes going out with Covid could cause someone to be infected who is vulnerable, and for whatever reason unable to be adequately protected by the vaccine. This will also be the case when isolation stops.

I am so bloody sick of the self righteous Covid brigade acting like infecting someone else with Covid is the only thing we do which has an adverse effect on the lives of others, oblivious to the fact that eg half the totally unnecessary products in their house were made in a sweat shop or have a massive carbon footprint, contributing to real hardship in many developing nations. They can’t be arsed to spend an extra 30 seconds checking if their coffee is fair trade but the OP is selfish because she has asked if her son can attend an event where he is but one Covid positive person among many.

Unfortunately our entire way of life is selfish, in fact taking the boosters when so many nations haven’t managed to vaccinate their vulnerable at all was selfish. The obligation to act (or not) for the benefit of other individuals does not start and end with Covid.

People who have already given up so much to contain a disease which poses little threat to them get no thanks for what they have done, just judgment and grief for querying whether a particular sacrifice is proportionate.

So no, OP I don’t think you should send him but I’m sorry for some of the emotive hyperbole you’ve received in response. Ignore them.

Maddiemademe · 28/01/2022 15:08

Unbelievable - no wonder I lost over half of my immediate family to Covid. Yes it is sad for him but risking others health and lives would be far more devastating for them, trust me. I wouldn’t wish my life on my worst enemy.

Sofiegiraffe · 28/01/2022 15:10

Prior to last week, I'd have probably said send him, it's fine. But having caught it myself and been quite unwell this past week, along with my baby who is also quite poorly, I'd say no way. We aren't leaving the house until our isolation period passes (still testing positive on day 9). I genuinely don't want to risk putting other families through this misery, it's been awful. And we're not even CEV. I really wouldn't send him.

newusernamewhosdis · 28/01/2022 15:10

If the majority of MN say to go. Then I think it's safe to go.

Look at Boris and his cronies in May 2020 rubbing shoulders outside. We have moved on so much from then in terms of vaccines and knowledge etc.

Let the boy and his dad have their day.

Sofiegiraffe · 28/01/2022 15:11

Oh and I'm fully vaccinated, too. It's still completely wiped me off my feet.

SilverontheTree · 28/01/2022 15:12

If I’m honest, at this stage I would just go. Isolation and testing is ending. Anyone who ventures out knows they may pick it up.

Roses1221 · 28/01/2022 15:13

Let him go, reading what he’s said to you is heartbreaking. And tell him he’s negative so he’s not worrying about it.

Staffy1 · 28/01/2022 15:13

The event is on day 7? I would let him go.

Thesheerrelief · 28/01/2022 15:14

By the look of your latest test I think you may well get a negative later tonight or tomorrow, but as tomorrow is day 7 I would let him go, with a mask.

Original poster
DontWantTheRivalry · 28/01/2022 15:15

It’s to a special football match - to a ground he’ll probably never get to go to again.

I know it’s just a football match but it’s not like this opportunity will come around again. So it’s a now or never type of thing, hence why he’s so excited.

If was something he could miss out on but do again the following month then I would absolutely be saying no to take him. But to be fair, if that were the case my DH wouldn’t take him anyway.

The only reason my husband feels so strongly about it is because of what the meaning of the event means to my son and the fact that the chance won’t come up again.

So yes, although it’s outdoors he will be with a crowd of people. He’s already said he will wear a mask and not talk or sing if it means he can go. They are driving there in the car.

We are testing with just the normal tests - the NHS ones that come in a blue and white box.

As others have said, he’s on Day 7 tomorrow and he’s not had a single symptom so his chance of spreading it must be low?

I honestly don’t know what to do.

I physically can’t stop my husband from taking him.

He knows that I have huge reservations about it but his approach is to similar to a lot of the posters on here in that DS should be fine to go.

OP posts:
Wife2b · 28/01/2022 15:18

He’s still positive so of course he can’t go. It’s just lucky that he’s not unwell with it. It’s shit but it is what it is. No wonder the virus is rampant when so many people believe the rules don’t apply to them - children can spread the virus just as adults can. If it were a reverse situation and an adult who was going to say an outdoor wedding, would everyone be saying I’d go? Doubt the replies would be so favourable then. Sorry OP I think you know it’s not possible.

GizmosEveningBath · 28/01/2022 15:18

I had it before the self isolation rules changed and I was told not to use LFTs for 90 days as you can still test positive. After 7 days I would say let him go.

BasementIdeas · 28/01/2022 15:18

I would let him go

Aren’t the rules that he has to have a negative test today and tomorrow, then he’s free tomorrow? Test again last thing before bed and it might be negative by then anyway ….

KeepYaHeadUp · 28/01/2022 15:23

@BatshitBanshee

You might be fine and your son might be fine but my vulnerable baby wouldn't be if she got it from your son, neither would I be fine as I'm very high risk. An outdoor day mixing with people while covid positive is a day to you, but could mean someone else's family end up in a NICU or ICU. I couldn't have that on my conscience.
This is the issue for me. Vulnerable people might make the decision to attend events believing they're unlikely to come into contact with infectious people. Attending knowing your son is testing positive is not allowing people to fairly assess the risk to them.
curlii103 · 28/01/2022 15:23

Id let him go and i alsi wouldnt be testing with no symptoms

CrocodilesCry · 28/01/2022 15:23

Football matches at big stadia are risky because of the close quarters when seated, the singing, shouting, also the tight indoor spaces when getting in and out.

Sorry but it's not like it's a Saturday league match from the sidelines or a park activity where he can keep distance.

@DontWantTheRivalry Ask your DH if he'd happily let him go if they were going along with a CEV relative who was standing next to them the whole time. If he has any decency he'd realise it's not on.

Unless the stadium is being knocked down, he'll be able to go in future.

TorringtonDean · 28/01/2022 15:24

Your husband sounds controlling as hell. Forcing you into a law-breaking situation. And you are “powerless”. You know the law and you will be breaking it. It’s a football match. There are plenty every week and he’s seven and won’t even remember it.

Question10 · 28/01/2022 15:24

OP … if you do allow your son to go testing positive, will you let him know that he’s still positive? This would be my real difficulty. The moral discussion with a 7 year old. Also, he could tell friends/teachers that he went and broke the rules etc … would you be ok with that?

KeepYaHeadUp · 28/01/2022 15:24

I say this as someone with an immunocompromised 6 year old niece who is waiting for her vaccine

PupInAPram · 28/01/2022 15:25

I haven't broken a single rule which has led to some sad memories and worked as a key worker throughout. I'm masked, I'm triple jabbed. After the events of this week I would absolutely let him go.