It's an inheritance one, who is right here?

[anotherinheritanceq]

This one is more about what's morally right than legalities iyswim, hence why I'm posting here.

So someone I know has assets over half a million, not sure on figure but I know she owns her big house outright and has money in the bank etc. She has children from previous marriage, and she is engaged to her partner who also has children. He can't work and doesn't have any assets, he's on disability benefits. Obviously when marrying what's hers is his, fair enough.

However they've been talking about things including wills, and basically it's come up that if she were to die first (and naturally he would inherit the whole lot), once he dies he would pass everything including the house onto his children and not a penny for his wife's children. Of course she says that's not fair that her children would get nothing if she happens to die first, all her children grew up in that home etc. He argues that everyone puts their own children first and it'll be the only opportunity of giving anything to his children because of his disability/not being able to work.

Who is being unreasonable? What's the done thing in these situations?

I know she is now on about writing a will to leave something to her kids but obviously she can't leave her partner homeless and penniless!

[quote Thehouseofmarvels]@soapoperafamily If your father died with no will only the first 270 k goes to your father's wife in England and wales. Different rules for scotland. [/quote]
The first £270k plus 50% of everything else. As he left no proper will, his wife is entitled to take on the role of administrator. Where it becomes complicated is that he owned a share of family assets which were spread across various of his other contemporary relatives. He was also a professional valuer of the kind of assets his family dealt in which formed the large majority of his estate, and his wife - in administering the estate - is attempting to downvalue most of the assets and is offering to keep the best of it for herself so that she may sell them on later at a profit. As I have said, she is a real piece of work. The amount she is attempting to take is really quite eyewatering. We will get something, but it is nowhere near the amount my dad intended, and a good chunk has been eaten up by legal fees. I am acutely aware of the rules of intestacy, and am also acutely aware of the lack of value of a pre-nup, having learnt about them by going through the process of my family between us losing a substantial 7-figure sum. Believe me, if there was a way I could have made an unsigned will, a pre-nup, and my dad’s word stick, I would have by now.

“Does your father's wife have children ? I know of a similar situation where the spouse has no children, and no contact with their sibling so the estate could well end up going to charity.”

Firstly, I don’t think this is the case, and secondly unfortunately, she has 4 different children by at least 3 different dads (none of them by my dad - and we know this for sure) as well as 7 very close siblings and numerous cousins. According to Facebook they have all suddenly been doing really well for themselves 🤨.

It is possible, through lack of a clearly drawn up will, to really, really fuck your children up. Any parent who leaves such a mess for their children, even inadvertently through incompetently failing to make correctly drawn up arrangements is frankly a very poor parent. As I said earlier - it would have been easier for us emotionally (although it would still have been a bitter pill to swallow) if he had just written a will giving it all to her, we would not have had to endure the shitshow not signing an otherwise fully written will left us in. He will forever be known in our family a Xxx the Idiot.

@Soapoperafamily this is awful! Were thet married for long? The concern is if she has done well out of this that she may marry someone else with money and put another family though the same thing !

What happens if they marry then divorce? He could potentially walk off with half the money anyway, and he sounds like the kind of man who would, particularly being a twat and having to income of his own.

For all we know, divorce could well be his actual plan for getting his hands on half of her money (or more, if he seeks more, claiming that his disability leaves him in need of a greater share). This could all be part of his plan in lining up the divorce even before the marriage – eventually leading her to instigate divorce proceedings when the penny finally drops, years down the line, that she’s been taken for a ride all along. He can claim that he’s always been honest about his financial perspectives since before the marriage and that she is the ‘unreasonable’ one who has ‘suddenly changed and has started to resent him for being disabled’. He could try to paint her as quite the nasty character.

For all I know the OP and her siblings are all billionaires, and the husband to be's children live in poverty with the same disability as him.

It’s already been made clear that OP’s DM is comfortably off, but by no means extremely rich, and that OP and siblings are not at all well-off.

But even if they were all billionaires, money left in a will isn’t just a financial transaction, but also a statement of the family love and bond. This man isn’t even saying that he’d leave the proceeds equally between his and her children, so that they could all benefit from the assets brought into the marriage – he wants his kids to scoop the lot and those morally entitled to it to get nothing at all.

His kids aren't even in the picture by the way, none of us have met them.

He is intending to buy his children with his fiancee’s money when his fiancée dies because his children dont have anything to do with him is disgraceful.

Exactly what I was thinking, but you said it much more eloquently. In fact, he might not even intend to buy them with the money – he could be trying to buy them with the promise of the money long-term, and then end up spending it all himself beforehand anyway. I can’t believe that somebody deliberately targeting a meal-ticket bride would only want the money for his children eventually, without expecting to royally fill his own boots throughout the marriage.

Big red flag. If she is going to go through with the marriage,she needs to have it so the house is only his to live in until his death or he moves somewhere else then it reverts to her kids. All other assets should be divided as she wishes them to be amongst her children, her husband, and even his kids if she wants.

@WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll this bloke could remarry after the death or divorce from @anotherinhearitanceq's mother. He may really want the assets for his kids or he may want to look as attractive as possible to a new younger partner. Also as he is disabled I would imagine he could aim for more than 50 percent of the marriage assets ? Maybe 60 percent ? If he is not working though disability and op's mother is he would deffinately be seen as needing support.

My DF has just died - everything is going to his wife. Me and my brother are getting nothing and when she dies all of his money will be split between her children. It's heartbreaking - please don't let this happen to your mum.

I wouldn't be with someone like that. He sounds like a freeloader

She should not marry this man, what kind of person would even say that it's fair because its his only chance of giving his kids anything ? what about her kids ? . He is a selfish untrustworthy man who has basically told her he has no intention of considering her children in the unhappy event that she dies. Please dump him now. What is she thinking.

I'm so sorry to hear this happened to you. This also happened to my husband. It really is a terrible thing.

@HappySonHappyMum, sorry when i wrote this I was replying to you.

I'm so sorry to hear this happened to you. This also happened to my husband. It really is a terrible thing.

His kids are not allowed to see him, it's been to court and everything, simple as that. He can't just reach out to them.

Gosh, it gets worse. I assume he is abusive or unsafe in some way.

I really really hope your mother doesn’t marry this man @Anotherinheritanceq

Any parent who leaves such a mess for their children, even inadvertently through incompetently failing to make correctly drawn up arrangements is frankly a very poor parent

It’s an excellent point @soapoperafamily It’s easy to focus on the grabbiness of the second wife or husband, but it’s the PARENT who leaves this mess who demonstrates their lack of care for their children.

[quote ChickenStripper]@Blossomtoes women always say that when they are married. You possibly have no idea what it is like to live alone esp when you are older.[/quote]
I know what it's like to live alone. I was widowed ten years ago, and I'm in the second half of my 60s.

I absolutely don't need or want another partner. I've not been tempted even once in the last decade. And I honestly don't understand why anyone in my position would marry again. It just adds so many complications.

As a PP suggested, it might be worth making Sarah's Law and Clare's Law requests just in case there are major skeletons in his closet.

@StressedOutMumBex I'm sorry this happened to your husband as well. It makes the worst of times even harder. You struggle to talk about it when your family members are alive because it seem so innappropriate and 'grabby' but OP you must talk to her. Show her this thread - she needs proper legal advice for her own peace of mind.

She is absolutely crazy. If my husband were to die first, there is absolutely no way I would ever get married as everything we have is going to our kids.

This guy is an absolute CF, freeloader. He’s brought nothing to the table yet wants a share (if not all of it) of the spoils to pass onto his kids,

If your friend is having to think twice about what is best to do, she needs her head examined.

I have heard horror of stories exactly like this one where 1 spouse dies (the one who brought all the property with them into the marriage) which then ends up being given to the children of of the person who contributed nothing, with the rightful heirs being completely cut out.

Omg what the fuck has he got offer? No job. No intention of working. Being on disability doesn’t mean useless. Only thing he’s working is her! No way, she’d be a fool to marry a blood sucker like that.

Tell your friend to have a name change and party, (pretend wedding) if it’s that important to her. Her children dont deserve to be disinherited for a free loading cock lodging lazy lollygagger.

Keeping everything crossed for you that he dies first!

My DF has just died - everything is going to his wife. Me and my brother are getting nothing and when she dies all of his money will be split between her children. It's heartbreaking - please don't let this happen to your mum.

This seems alarmingly common. I'd love to know if the people who do this genuinely believe that it's a fair progression - that they inherit it from their new spouse, subsequently pass it on to their own children and don't give a second thought to the children who have been robbed of their inheritance; or whether they fully realise how disgraceful they're being, but figure they can get away with it and simply don't care that they've stiffed the loved ones of their deceased loved one?

Keeping everything crossed for you that he dies first!

Absolutely! I'm actually kind of surprised that he's clearly targeted her in this. It seems like a lot of effort and calculating when he still has to bank on somebody a similar age dying before him for it all to work. I'd have thought he'd be looking for somebody very well-off and over 70 at an absolute minimum - probably more like 85+.

That way, you don't have to stay married to somebody you likely don't find particularly attractive purely for who they are for too long, nor do you have to wait a long time for 'your' money. Unless you're relying on 'something' other than old-age-related natural causes as the reason for their demise....

Oh my god. Do not let your friend marry this gold digger.

It’s great that she recognises this isn’t what she wants. Let’s see what he says about the life interest.
But I would be more worried about a divorce. If they’re married long enough (and he may have worked it out) she may well lose the house and have to support him. English law splits all assets 50/50 if broadly they’ve been used in the joint life. Then considers support needed for either party afterwards: him.
Her entire life could be wrecked. And as I understand it there’s not much that can be put in place to protect against that. It is so unwise it would be sensible for her to see a solicitor about both the will and protecting her assets on divorce.

[quote anotherinheritanceq]@SwoopingDown

Oh my gosh, who do you think you are? Are you the bloke engaged to my mum??

No I'm not a fucking billionaire, I'm on a low income topped up by universal credit. I do not feel entitled to any inheritance at all, since when did I say that? My mum could leave it to a cat shelter if she so wished. But it's the fact that my mum wants her assets to go to her children, and this man is saying if she dies first everything's going to his kids. His kids aren't even in the picture by the way, none of us have met them. My mum was really upset by this and absolutely does not want this to happen, but she's quite naïve and vulnerable but I don't want to go into that.

Basically I want the best for my mum and to ensure her wishes are met following her death, whatever those wishes may be. For all I know there could be nothing left by the end of it, if she has to go into a care home (although I'd rather take care of her myself if possible), or if she decides to sell her house and spend all her money travelling or whatever. I expect nothing. But if there is still something, i.e. my childhood home, my mum would be rolling in her grave to if it's gone to some random kids who she doesn't know rather than her own flesh and blood! By the way I have lots of siblings, so it's unlikely I'd even have much by the end.[/quote]
You posted on a public forum and I think I'm someone entitled to post views. No I am not him, and don't know you, him, or your mum, but you asked for opinions, and I posted mine. Just because it wasn't what you wanted to hear doesn't make it invalid or wrong.
I was, however shocked at the other posters leaping to conclusions on scant information and making vile comments about someone they don't know.
I'm suprised that if your mum has such strong feelings that you're still in the position of hoping to persuade her to see a solicitor.
If those are her feelings I hope you do, and that measures are put in place to ensure her wishes are met.
The fact that this man has clearly stated his views before the marriage, and they both seemingly have many years life expectancy, leads me to believe he's not one of the abominable people that prey on rich single people, and only marry for money.

He sounds nice. Hope he dies first.