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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

It's an inheritance one, who is right here?

679 replies

anotherinheritanceq · 27/01/2022 21:14

This one is more about what's morally right than legalities iyswim, hence why I'm posting here.

So someone I know has assets over half a million, not sure on figure but I know she owns her big house outright and has money in the bank etc. She has children from previous marriage, and she is engaged to her partner who also has children. He can't work and doesn't have any assets, he's on disability benefits. Obviously when marrying what's hers is his, fair enough.

However they've been talking about things including wills, and basically it's come up that if she were to die first (and naturally he would inherit the whole lot), once he dies he would pass everything including the house onto his children and not a penny for his wife's children. Of course she says that's not fair that her children would get nothing if she happens to die first, all her children grew up in that home etc. He argues that everyone puts their own children first and it'll be the only opportunity of giving anything to his children because of his disability/not being able to work.

Who is being unreasonable? What's the done thing in these situations?

I know she is now on about writing a will to leave something to her kids but obviously she can't leave her partner homeless and penniless!

OP posts:
StillWalking · 27/01/2022 21:21

GAH!!! Marrying!!!! Bloody auto correct!!!

Jengnr · 27/01/2022 21:21

Bin. Him. Off.

JustLyra · 27/01/2022 21:22

She’d be mad to marry someone who had such little respect for her money.

However, she can leave everything to her children, but give him a life interest or set period of time in the home if she wishes.

anotherinheritanceq · 27/01/2022 21:22

I have advised her against marrying him to protect her assets but I have no control over the situation and it seems she is going to marry him anyway.

OP posts:
Singlebutmarried · 27/01/2022 21:22

She can put whatever she likes in the will. But not needs to be done post marriage as marriage trumps an existing will.

Personally, I’d bin the cock lodger and enjoy not having an arsehole in the house.

Aquamarine1029 · 27/01/2022 21:23

Your friend is an absolute fucking fool to marry this greedy, cocklodging, morally bankrupt man. Please tell her this for me.

JayAlfredPrufrock · 27/01/2022 21:23

This is why I persuaded my dad not to marry his ‘girlfriend’. He was going to do it so she would get his pension. But I pointed out that her waster of a son would inherit our family home.

Do not marry him.

And if you do, make a watertight will.

Merryoldgoat · 27/01/2022 21:23

Why would she marry him?

People will never cease to confound me.

JustLyra · 27/01/2022 21:23

@Singlebutmarried

She can put whatever she likes in the will. But not needs to be done post marriage as marriage trumps an existing will.

Personally, I’d bin the cock lodger and enjoy not having an arsehole in the house.

It can be done in anticipation of marriage with the correct wording.
RockAndHardPlace1 · 27/01/2022 21:24

She needs to get legal advice and ensure if she dies that it goes to her children. With a attitude like that he should get nothing. He's after the money clearly.

Bitezbabe · 27/01/2022 21:24

Totally wrong for his kids to inherit anything. She should state in her will that he is allowed to stay in the house if she dies and then when he dies it goes to HER children. His children shouldn’t be entitled to anything of hers.

JelloFish · 27/01/2022 21:25

She's going to marry a man that is happy to see her children go penniless to benefit his own?

MooSakah · 27/01/2022 21:25

She shouldn't marry him.
She should write a will for it to go to her children. It can be put in trust so he gets to live in the house say until he remarries or something.

HandlebarLadyTash · 27/01/2022 21:25

No marriage should happen.

ANameChangeAgain · 27/01/2022 21:25

Ltgolddiggingb.

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 27/01/2022 21:27

Why would she marry him now when he’s clearly very happy to have the thought of being able to leave his children her money and disinherit her own children as otherwise he would have nothing to leave them? What a peach. Clearly she should not marry him but if she does, she should write in her will that leaves him a lump sum so he has money to rent somewhere else with no financial worries and then leave everything else to her own children. If she lets him stay in the house till he dies, her kids may have to wait years to receive their inheritance.

titchy · 27/01/2022 21:27

Can you even write someone out of the will if you are married? I simply assumed that they had to get something, same as how assets are usually split when divorcing.

Yes of course you can! She could leave him a life interest in her house allowing him to live in it till his death or he finds someone else, then it is sold and the proceeds go to her children. A solicitor can draw that up fairly easily.

Longdistance · 27/01/2022 21:27

He’s got his feet firmly under that table. I hope she does not marry him. If he becomes homeless that’s his problem. The house should go to her own dc.

MayLeaveADentInYourSofa · 27/01/2022 21:27

She keeps it all in her name and leaves everything (or at least the house) to her children with the provision that they allow him to continue to live there for a certain amount of time.

OnceuponaRainbow18 · 27/01/2022 21:27

What On earth? Something similar happened to my OH, was awful.

I hope she doesn’t marry him

CityMumma78 · 27/01/2022 21:28

She shouldn’t be marrying him!!! If she does she needs to see a solicitor to protect her children and ensure they inherit everything otherwise (if she goes first) her half a million will go to her husband and his kids! Madness.

SparklyLeprechaun · 27/01/2022 21:28

She can get a will in contemplation of the marriage that will still be valid after they get married. She can also leave all her assets away from him. The problem is that he as the surviving spouse has the right to contest her will.

But she shouldn't marry him not because of the money, but because of his shitty attitude towards her children and his sense of entitlement.

Isthisit22 · 27/01/2022 21:28

What? She wants to marry someone who is openly telling her he'd take all her money and possessions from her children.
Is she mad?

Suzanne999 · 27/01/2022 21:28

Legal advice needed as disinheriting family members varies depending in country.
Afaik marrying makes a will defunct so a new will would have to be written.
Personally I think she’s mad marrying him.

maybemu · 27/01/2022 21:28

Use his argument. Everyone puts their own kids first so I'll be writing a will and won't be marrying you. Utter madness!

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