It's an inheritance one, who is right here?

[anotherinheritanceq]

This one is more about what's morally right than legalities iyswim, hence why I'm posting here.

So someone I know has assets over half a million, not sure on figure but I know she owns her big house outright and has money in the bank etc. She has children from previous marriage, and she is engaged to her partner who also has children. He can't work and doesn't have any assets, he's on disability benefits. Obviously when marrying what's hers is his, fair enough.

However they've been talking about things including wills, and basically it's come up that if she were to die first (and naturally he would inherit the whole lot), once he dies he would pass everything including the house onto his children and not a penny for his wife's children. Of course she says that's not fair that her children would get nothing if she happens to die first, all her children grew up in that home etc. He argues that everyone puts their own children first and it'll be the only opportunity of giving anything to his children because of his disability/not being able to work.

Who is being unreasonable? What's the done thing in these situations?

I know she is now on about writing a will to leave something to her kids but obviously she can't leave her partner homeless and penniless!

[quote Thehouseofmarvels]@soapoperafamily If your father died with no will only the first 270 k goes to your father's wife in England and wales. Different rules for scotland. [/quote]
Plus half of anything over £270k
www.gov.uk/inherits-someone-dies-without-will/y/england-and-wales/yes/yes/yes
So if the estate is worth £600k and there was no will, the spouse will get £435k and the remaining £165k will be split between children (or their issue if the parent outlives one or more of the children).

@swoopingdown when you say children shouldn't feel entitled do you mean in England and Wales? I imagine you mean this as if you told an Italian they should not feel entitled to their parents assets when the law entitles them to their parents assets they would be very confused! It would be like saying to someone on this country they ought not to feel entitled to be presumed inocent until proven guilty.

@swoopingdown if OP lived in Italy her mother could legalky leave no more than one third to her husband if OP has siblings or half if she were an only child. She would have every reason to justifiable feel entitled to her mother's assets if she lived in Italy.

@SwoopingDown

Oh my gosh, who do you think you are? Are you the bloke engaged to my mum??

No I'm not a fucking billionaire, I'm on a low income topped up by universal credit. I do not feel entitled to any inheritance at all, since when did I say that? My mum could leave it to a cat shelter if she so wished. But it's the fact that my mum wants her assets to go to her children, and this man is saying if she dies first everything's going to his kids. His kids aren't even in the picture by the way, none of us have met them. My mum was really upset by this and absolutely does not want this to happen, but she's quite naïve and vulnerable but I don't want to go into that.

Basically I want the best for my mum and to ensure her wishes are met following her death, whatever those wishes may be. For all I know there could be nothing left by the end of it, if she has to go into a care home (although I'd rather take care of her myself if possible), or if she decides to sell her house and spend all her money travelling or whatever. I expect nothing. But if there is still something, i.e. my childhood home, my mum would be rolling in her grave to if it's gone to some random kids who she doesn't know rather than her own flesh and blood! By the way I have lots of siblings, so it's unlikely I'd even have much by the end.

With people living so long these days and house prices so high, people may have inhearited a good chunk. If one of my parents died and the other left everything to a second spouse that person could easily walk of with several hundred thousand from my grandparents.. so I see why the Italians have this rule. People who don't like their kids can spend it before they go, which means the money goes back into the economy.

@SwoopingDown

Also since when does ANYONE have to ask permission from the relevant parties to post on AIBU!? You are ridiculous!

@Anotherinhearitanceq why are his children refusing to meet their future stepmother ? Have they decided they will deffinately never meet her or are they greiving the death of their mother, or struggling emotionally after a divorce ? Surely he will make sure everyone is a happy blended family and his kids get on with their stepmother before tge wedding ? Could your mother try reaching out to his kids when they are ready? If their mother died it must be hard seeing another woman in her place but hopefully they will accept her in time. Does your mother get on welk with his parents, siblings, cousins and their families ? Maybe they can help fix the relationship.

His kids have nothing to do with him, he hasn't seen them for many years since they were tiny...

@anotherinhearitanceq I am so sorry his kids are refusing to meet your mother and her family, this must be so upsetting for her, I am sure she would be an amazing stepmum/ stepgran to his kids and grandkids if he has any.

@anotherinhearitanceq oh. So he is a deadbeat dad ?

No, it's not that they're refusing to meet her. They just don't know their own dad essentially. And he has zero custody or visiting rights.

He has fought for custody for years but can't even see them... take that as you will.

@Anotherinhearitanceq unless he was dangerous he would normally get either 50 50 custody or every other weekend ? Did the mother refuse to make them avaliable ? How old are they now ? If teenages could he contact them directly to sort out a relationship ?

@anotherinhearitanceq do his parents or siblinhs have contact with his kids ? Does your mother get on with his family ?

This is really detracting from the point of this post I think. His kids are not allowed to see him, it's been to court and everything, simple as that. He can't just reach out to them. I really don't want to get into this, this is like a whole other can of worms and I'd be writing about it forever.

But it's the fact that my mum wants her assets to go to her children, and this man is saying if she dies first everything's going to his kids.
She should absolutely not marry him. I wouldnt be letting him move in either with that attitude towards my children.

His kids aren't even in the picture by the way, none of us have met them.
He is intending to buy his children with his fiancee’s money when his fiancée dies because his children dont have anything to do with him is disgraceful.

@Anotherinheritanceq

Ah well Swoopingdown is new to Mn, I believe they only joined today. So they may not understand how chat boards and social media work.

@anotherinhearitanceq My concern would be that your mother's partner did not fight for custody or did not fight hard enough as even men with a history of abuse can get at least supervised contact. My concern like that if the poster below is that he is wondering who will look after him when he is old after bring a deadbeat dad and things the lure of inhearitance will mean his kids will have a relationship with him and look after him... if they don't dance to his tune he can disinhearit them !

I do have concerns about that, about his history with his ex partner and his kids etc, but that is a whole other post and I do not want to go into that.

@anotherinhearitanceq If he did go to court and did not even get supervised contact there will be a reason why. I think it would be sensible for your mum to find out why a judge did not even award supervised contact. I thibk there is something called Sarah's law?

I think someone mentioned it, but she can leave everything (including the house) in trust for her kids, with a provision that he can stay in the house until he dies in the event she dies before him. That is what my Mum is doing with her husband. ALthough we are under Scottish law, so technoically he can claim everything. But under English law this solution works.

But he sounds like a pig and she shouldn't marry him.

He sounds like a real catch, OP.

Not read it all just yet but I pray she rethinks marrying this man.

@Thehouseofmarvels

Look, I've already said I don't want to get into that here! We are already aware of the reasons.

@anotherinhearitanceq. Ok sorry. Could be good to do another thread about this. You might get interesting resonses from some first wives whose kids do not see their Dad.