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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

It's an inheritance one, who is right here?

679 replies

anotherinheritanceq · 27/01/2022 21:14

This one is more about what's morally right than legalities iyswim, hence why I'm posting here.

So someone I know has assets over half a million, not sure on figure but I know she owns her big house outright and has money in the bank etc. She has children from previous marriage, and she is engaged to her partner who also has children. He can't work and doesn't have any assets, he's on disability benefits. Obviously when marrying what's hers is his, fair enough.

However they've been talking about things including wills, and basically it's come up that if she were to die first (and naturally he would inherit the whole lot), once he dies he would pass everything including the house onto his children and not a penny for his wife's children. Of course she says that's not fair that her children would get nothing if she happens to die first, all her children grew up in that home etc. He argues that everyone puts their own children first and it'll be the only opportunity of giving anything to his children because of his disability/not being able to work.

Who is being unreasonable? What's the done thing in these situations?

I know she is now on about writing a will to leave something to her kids but obviously she can't leave her partner homeless and penniless!

OP posts:
Hercisback · 27/01/2022 21:16

She should not marry him!

shoofly · 27/01/2022 21:16

He's an utter shit, and if that were me it would be a deal breaker. If she can't trust him to look after her children, she should bin him

MichelleScarn · 27/01/2022 21:18

She would be absolutely bonkers to leave him anything, or in fact remain with him, he'd look at her death for the opportunity to leave his kids money he wouldn't otherwise get? And also quite happy to leave her kids without!!

Stonerosie67 · 27/01/2022 21:18

Tbh, if he were the sort of person to leave my kids without anything, I'd be writing him out of the will, full stop.

BobHadBitchTits · 27/01/2022 21:18

She needs to set her bar higher.

Wonkydonkey44 · 27/01/2022 21:18

She should run for the hills!

dreamkitchenhelp · 27/01/2022 21:18

She should not marry him

fitflopqueen · 27/01/2022 21:18

She would be mad to marry him, just live with him and put something in place to provide him with a home if she died first (leave in trust to her children).

Whysotired · 27/01/2022 21:18

I wouldn’t marry him. He sounds like he has absolute no interest in her kids.

SparklyLeprechaun · 27/01/2022 21:18

wtf? I wouldn't marry this guy if I were her.

AmandaHoldensLips · 27/01/2022 21:19

Before marrying, she could have a will written up which protects her assets upon death - meaning her assets go to her kids.

But whatever she decides, she should consult a solicitor to make things simple and tidy in the event of her death (or the marriage not working out).

Iloveacurry · 27/01/2022 21:19

She definitely shouldn’t marry him.

autienotnaughty · 27/01/2022 21:19

My mum left an amount each to me and my sister then the rest went to our dad. So say she has £100k , ten to each of kids rest to oh

anotherinheritanceq · 27/01/2022 21:19

@Stonerosie67

Tbh, if he were the sort of person to leave my kids without anything, I'd be writing him out of the will, full stop.
Can you even write someone out of the will if you are married? I simply assumed that they had to get something, same as how assets are usually split when divorcing.
OP posts:
Hankunamatata · 27/01/2022 21:20

Wow that's awful. I would have said he gets to live in the house until his death but its owned by her children. I wouldn't marry him

PurpleCarpets · 27/01/2022 21:20

She should leave her assets on trust to him for his lifetime and then to her children after he's gone.

jmh740 · 27/01/2022 21:20

She needs to see a solicitor and make a will to protect her home and leave her home to her children, just because they are married doesn't mean he will get everything, but if I was her I wouldn't be marrying him.

StillWalking · 27/01/2022 21:20

She most definitely should not be mating this man, but (if she does decide to proceed) she needs to see a good legal advisor to ensure her children benefit from her estate.

callingon · 27/01/2022 21:20

I know someone who got disinherited by his step mum after his Dad died. It was awful. Absolutely disgraceful on the part of his step mum.

ScribblingPixie · 27/01/2022 21:20

Wow, she must be incredibly stupid to think about marrying this man. He's not to be trusted a millimetre.

Sunbird24 · 27/01/2022 21:20

His attitude would really put me off, but if she can get past that and still wants to marry him she needs a watertight will, so that if anything happens to her then her assets go exactly where she wants them to.

OriginalFlake · 27/01/2022 21:21

When someone shows you who they are you should believe them. She needs to put the brakes on the wedding and forget this utter grifter.

ScrumptiousBears · 27/01/2022 21:21

She can leave her half in trust to her kids and they get it when the new husband does. This is what my dad did.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 27/01/2022 21:21

That’s terrible. She needs to make her will watertight.

LawnFever · 27/01/2022 21:21

I’d tell him to fuck off and not marry him at all.

What a horrible man, she shouldn’t marry him, and if she (stupidity) does she should write in her will that her kids are provided for, he doesn’t automatically inherit everything if she writes it in her will.

But seriously, why marry someone who thinks like this?? Awful man.

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