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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

It's an inheritance one, who is right here?

679 replies

anotherinheritanceq · 27/01/2022 21:14

This one is more about what's morally right than legalities iyswim, hence why I'm posting here.

So someone I know has assets over half a million, not sure on figure but I know she owns her big house outright and has money in the bank etc. She has children from previous marriage, and she is engaged to her partner who also has children. He can't work and doesn't have any assets, he's on disability benefits. Obviously when marrying what's hers is his, fair enough.

However they've been talking about things including wills, and basically it's come up that if she were to die first (and naturally he would inherit the whole lot), once he dies he would pass everything including the house onto his children and not a penny for his wife's children. Of course she says that's not fair that her children would get nothing if she happens to die first, all her children grew up in that home etc. He argues that everyone puts their own children first and it'll be the only opportunity of giving anything to his children because of his disability/not being able to work.

Who is being unreasonable? What's the done thing in these situations?

I know she is now on about writing a will to leave something to her kids but obviously she can't leave her partner homeless and penniless!

OP posts:
WhatIsThisPlease · 27/01/2022 21:52

What on earth has she got to gain from marrying this guy????
Why is she not thinking about her children ???

ILoveAllRainbowsx · 27/01/2022 21:52

@FantasticButtocks

If she is going to marry him anyway, she could choose to leave her house to her children, but give him the right to live in it for his lifetime, (think it's called a lifelong interest). After his death the house still belongs to her children and they are free to do what they want with it.

If she doesn't make a will, then it all goes to him and he chooses what happens next.

But the very fact that he openly states that he would leave her house to his children, and not even give her children a look-in, is a very good reason to reconsider actually marrying him.

This.
midsomermurderess · 27/01/2022 21:52

That is not an attractive marriage proposition.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 27/01/2022 21:52

She’d be daft to marry him, but even if she did, he would not automatically be entitled to inherit everything. It’s down to her to make the will she wants - if necessary in private. If he demands to know what’s in it, she can make another privately later, which would invalidate the previous one.

A GM of mine who remarried late in life, left her house to my DF, but with the proviso that her 2nd husband could live in it as long as he chose to. Which wasn’t all that long, they were both in their 80s.

A friend of ours left the house they’d lived in for over 20 years, entirely to a favourite charity. His wife was well provided for in other ways, but I still thought it shocking.

Both of those cases were perfectly legal.

MsAdoraBelleDearheartVonLipwig · 27/01/2022 21:52

Look on the bright side, he might go first.

ScrollingLeaves · 27/01/2022 21:53

And you have to be very very careful with those life time uses.

AutomaticMoon · 27/01/2022 21:53

That’s disgusting and would completely put me off this man. What the actual hell?

anotherinheritanceq · 27/01/2022 21:54

@MsAdoraBelleDearheartVonLipwig

Look on the bright side, he might go first.
Sorry but this made me laugh! Grin
OP posts:
Theglums · 27/01/2022 21:54

Tell her children, maybe they can make her see sense

Alexandra2001 · 27/01/2022 21:54

He should be thinking "what if i die first?" with his attitude, his wife will be cutting his kids out.

She needs sound legal advice to protect her children as regardless of what he has said, people can easily change their minds once you re under ground and the surviving spouse meets someone new.

whiteworldgettingwhiter · 27/01/2022 21:54

Sounds like Mr Poor thinks he's into a good thing here. He's stupid to say openly that he'd favour his kids over hers.

I'd kick him out immediately. She'd be mad to marry him.

AutomaticMoon · 27/01/2022 21:54

If she really wants to marry him, seek legal advice and make a will and leave everything to HER children. He can live on his disability benefits likr he did till now.

DivaRainbow · 27/01/2022 21:55

Hey op, Get your mum to speak to a good solicitor about leaving inheritance in a trust to each child. This can not be contested after she passes away.

Foolsrule · 27/01/2022 21:55

If this is true, whoever ‘she’ is, she needs to wake up!

SomePosters · 27/01/2022 21:55

Imagine marrying someone who admitted to you they would fuck your kids over in the event if your death

Some people really will sacrifice anything to feel taken

marqueses · 27/01/2022 21:56

You don't seeem to understand the concept of a will or getting proper advice.

Is your friend the same? Only a madwoman wouldn't leave the bulk of her estate to her children. Why are assuming the man would automatically get it?

anotherinheritanceq · 27/01/2022 21:56

@Theglums

Tell her children, maybe they can make her see sense
I am one of the children! Can't make her see sense though, sorry. And trying to balance it without sounding grabby and entitled myself.
OP posts:
Ironmanrocks · 27/01/2022 21:56

May I ask though...

What happens if the husband inherits some money and a house with the caveat that it then goes to the wife's children after he dies. Can the husband sell the house/spend the money and still leave the kids with nothing? How do you ensure it is protected - I mean truly protected?

femfemlicious · 27/01/2022 21:57

She is really lucky that he actually told her what he is going to do...wierd.

Why would she want him to inherit rather than her children. Where does he intend to live if she never came along?.

worriedatthemoment · 27/01/2022 21:57

He is and she should bit agree to this and leave the house to her kids

SheilaWilcox · 27/01/2022 21:57

I couldn't marry anyone with this kind of attitude.

If she still wants to go ahead, she needs a WILL and a PRE-NUP.

anotherinheritanceq · 27/01/2022 21:58

@marqueses

You don't seeem to understand the concept of a will or getting proper advice.

Is your friend the same? Only a madwoman wouldn't leave the bulk of her estate to her children. Why are assuming the man would automatically get it?

I assumed that without a will the spouse would get everything, sorry I didn't know as I am never getting married and just have one child who will get everything.
OP posts:
AliceMcK · 27/01/2022 21:59

I’m not an expert, but if she owns the house outright can she not place it in a trust with some money that only her children are beneficiaries of? Then if she dose marry the prick he won’t be able to take the house or the money in the trust away from her children.

anotherinheritanceq · 27/01/2022 21:59

@SheilaWilcox

I couldn't marry anyone with this kind of attitude.

If she still wants to go ahead, she needs a WILL and a PRE-NUP.

She did say about getting a pre-nup as well but I was under the impression that they're not very valid in the UK and more of a US thing.
OP posts:
Blinkingbatshit · 27/01/2022 21:59

Yes - she can write him out the will and leave everything to her children. And by the sounds of it she DEFINITELY should. In fact she should get rid of him and save herself the hassle!!!!!