Page 12 | Breastfeeding in a popular coffeeshop

BABAHOTEL · 28/01/2022 07:02

Not sure why the title is so emotive on this thread? Not RTFT but hopefully no one has asked you to "name and shame",

You are used to being out and about, this isn't the first time this has happened surely?

You could've put the change bag on the seat?

You felt it confrontational to say something to the people, yet stood in front of them complaining to the barista, negotiating free coffee?

So if a family of four come into the coffee shop, do you expect them to all queue up for the coffees, rather than one queue? Are the others to stand outside, or just sit at the table and wait. which would be normal?

So YABU!

DePfeffoff · 28/01/2022 07:37

Discrete: individually separate and distinct
Discreet: careful and unobtrusive

MrsGHarrison87 · 28/01/2022 07:45

Yabu. The shop can't refuse you to let you breastfeed but it doesn't mean they have to bend over backwards to accommodate you.

Mydogmylife · 28/01/2022 08:57

@Sxxyfing

Next time, sit down and feed. If they come over and ask you to order, let them take your order and pay when you leave

Please don't anyone do this!!!!!

Sartre · 28/01/2022 09:07

They gave you free coffee because you complained about people bagging tables? Really? Crazy.

Didioverstep · 28/01/2022 09:14

You put your coat on the chair or buggy there and take kids with you. That's how you advertise to do it with kids when you are alone. And I actually dislike the saving table thing but it's the done way

DappledThings · 28/01/2022 09:16

Now, I love being out and about. I look after children and it really is great to get out with them, but having them out all day every day with a toddler strapped in a pram and a baby in a sling isn't ideal. My toddlers would be bored stiff trapsing around in the pram having to sit around in coffee shops to feed a baby.
When I had a 2 week and a nearly 2 year old we were out all day every day. We went to parks, playgroups, museums, the library and lots of places. Quite a lot of time in cafes too but being out all day doesn't mean the majority of time or anywhere near it is strapped down in the buggy.

Dishwashersaurous · 28/01/2022 09:49

I know this has been done already, but the whole reason everyone goes to a coffee shop is to sit down.

Scarf/coat on chair to reserve table. Then go and order. If no table then go elsewhere.

I'm amazed that you got free coffee

WindyState · 28/01/2022 09:49

@Darbs76

Really? It’s first come first served, sure there were other places. You can’t just force people off tables as you want to feed your baby

It's not though, is it.

What invariably happens is that in busy times people who have already got their food/drink end up standing around waiting for a free table while there are people still in the queue who have reserved a table by dumping their shit. It's a dick move.

Ozanj · 28/01/2022 09:53

@Caramelnipple

Ok - so I am entirely prepared to be told IBU and precious. Don't hold back - be my sounding board please MN. I've recently complained to a popular coffeeshop about this incident but I wanted to check here what others think.

I have a ebf five month old baby and a toddler under 2. I tend to spend all day out and about as it's just so much easier than being couped up in the house. Recently I was in a shopping centre - toddler ds was asleep in the pram and baby dd was in the sling and was making it known quite clearly that she needed fed. I was near a popular coffeeshop, which had two tables available - other cafes were all full. As I got in the queue others joined behind me and bagged the free tables - one man put his coat and bag on one and the other had her husband go and sit there. I accept that I could have turned around and spoken to them but this felt a bit confrontational and felt awkward.

When I got to the barista I explained the situation and said I needed to feed my baby and that was really the only reason I was buying a coffee - essentially to 'purchase' a table. The man apologised politely and said there was nothing he could do but I could get a takeaway coffee and sit on a bench. I know many new mums find feeding in public a hugely anxiety inducing issue and I totally understand why. It's extremely stressful having a baby scream at you while you try to latch in a discrete way.

As luck would have it, someone finished up at this point and left - so I did have a table. However, surely it's not just bf mothers inconvenienced by this kind of dog eat dog system where first come first served is not abided by? Those with mobility issues must find it similarly stressful when people behind them rudely nab a table and avoid eye contact with those ahead in the queue.

The coffeeshop in question responded to my message with a token of goodwill of 3 free coffees. So... aibu? Could they have handled this better? Should I pursue it further? Or is three free coffees a sufficient response to this issue?

I’m still breastfeeding a toddler and tbh I bag a table first at the local Costa, get started feeding, and order my drink via the app. If you’re at a local place it’s even easier just place your order and then pay as you head out

MrsSkylerWhite · 28/01/2022 09:54

Tricky because you’ve no more right to a table than anyone else but you obviously needed to sit down.
Next time, maybe sit down first and start feeding baby. Someone will soon come over if they think you’re not spending and in the circumstances, pretty sure they’ll bring you a coffee (which you’ll be able to enjoy then, with both probably asleep). I would, anyway, if I was serving.

DailyMailHater · 28/01/2022 10:03

The people behind you in the queue have no idea if you are doing takeaway or eat in or whether you already have someone sitting at a table waiting for you.

I can’t see what anyone could do about it, I think they were very generous to give you 3 free coffees and I don’t agree that this is breastfeeding issue at all.

Cheekypeach · 28/01/2022 10:05

@MrsSkylerWhite

Tricky because you’ve no more right to a table than anyone else but you obviously needed to sit down. Next time, maybe sit down first and start feeding baby. Someone will soon come over if they think you’re not spending and in the circumstances, pretty sure they’ll bring you a coffee (which you’ll be able to enjoy then, with both probably asleep). I would, anyway, if I was serving.

🤦🏼‍♀️

MrsSkylerWhite · 28/01/2022 10:07

I don’t know what that emoji means?

DappledThings · 28/01/2022 10:09

@MrsSkylerWhite

I don’t know what that emoji means?

It means she thinks you're advice is so overwhelmingly unreasonable that the only response is to hide her face in shock.

I think it's fine. If you're just doing a quick feed then temporarily taking up a seat is fine. I would have done that if the baby was that desperately hungry but then I also have no issue using toilets in cafes without being a paying customer when the need arises. Less so in an independent but a Costa is fair game.

SD1978 · 28/01/2022 10:11

Sorry, but you're being a bit precious here about this. You wanted the barista, a minimum wage young person, to do something you weren't willing to? It's annoying when people 'baggsie' a table, but next time, do the same. If you'd done it first, and someone in front of the cue had complained, would you have seen yourself as having more right to it? You said yourself, you spend most of your time out and about, maybe try and arrange being somewhere a wee bit bigger, with larger indoor areas around feed times? The free coffees were pretty generous of them, for an issue they had no control over.

yikesanotherbooboo · 28/01/2022 10:18

Grabbing tables before buying is a bit annoying for those who are queuing but I must admit to having done it a few times when having multiple DC in tow.
The fact that you wanted to feed your baby is irrelevant to the thread and I don't think the coffee shop can police it as they haven't really done much wrong. I think you did rather well to get free coffee out of it.

lemondrop21 · 28/01/2022 10:19

Also a breastfeeding mother here. I think yabu.
If I walked into a coffee shop needing to feed my baby I would have parked the pram by a table or put my coat on a chair, just like the other people did. And then queued for coffee. It's not the coffee shops responsibility to find you a table

Cheekypeach · 28/01/2022 10:21

@DappledThings do you approve of anybody using a table in a coffee shop without purchasing a drink, for any reason they deem necessary?

cherryonthecakes · 28/01/2022 10:22

Yabu
I can think of lots of examples where it's better that people sit down rather than wait in the queue eg a whole family doesn't need to queue and it makes sense for one parent to sit at a table with the small kids.

I think that you were lucky to get the 3 coffees tbh

MrsSkylerWhite · 28/01/2022 10:23

DappledThings

MrsSkylerWhite
I don’t know what that emoji means?
It means she thinks you're advice is so overwhelmingly unreasonable that the only response is to hide her face in shock. “

Blimey, overwhelmingly unreasonable? The world has changed then, for the worst. When our youngest was a baby I used to take his big sister to school then go to the sainsburys coffee shop for coffee and toast. He would feed then sleep and I got 30 minutes to enjoy my breakfast then shop whilst he slept.
It was self service but the staff without fail would always say you go and sit down with him, I’ll bring it over.
Small, kind gesture that made a nice difference every morning for months and guaranteed my custom.

MrsSkylerWhite · 28/01/2022 10:24

Cheekypeach

@DappledThings do you approve of anybody using a table in a coffee shop without purchasing a drink, for any reason they deem necessary?“

No one is suggesting the customer doesn’t buy a drink, just after they’ve fed the baby.

DappledThings · 28/01/2022 10:25

[quote Cheekypeach]@DappledThings do you approve of anybody using a table in a coffee shop without purchasing a drink, for any reason they deem necessary?[/quote]
I don't necessarily disapprove. Fairly neutral really. None of my business. I get a bit annoyed when people look like they are dallying having finished their drinks when people are waiting for tables but I own that it is my annoyance, not their fault.

onedayoranother · 28/01/2022 10:25

This is what people do - I've done it myself. You breastfeeding is irrelevant. If you are out and about daily you either figure out in advance where you can feed your baby (your car, a restroom, whatever) or you go home. Do not expect people to change customary behaviour. There are no 'reserved for breastfeeding mums' tables.

Colderthanever · 28/01/2022 10:28

Op are you maybe not from the uk? This is cafe fast food place etiquette for decades, I’m mid fifties and I can’t recall a time where this wasn’t the norm, and anyone who ever visited one would see that as you did.

In proper restaurants you wait to be seated, just in case you are unaware, but in fast turnaround seat yourself places then you bagsy a table.