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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Breastfeeding in a popular coffeeshop

344 replies

Caramelnipple · 27/01/2022 17:34

Ok - so I am entirely prepared to be told IBU and precious. Don't hold back - be my sounding board please MN. I've recently complained to a popular coffeeshop about this incident but I wanted to check here what others think.

I have a ebf five month old baby and a toddler under 2. I tend to spend all day out and about as it's just so much easier than being couped up in the house. Recently I was in a shopping centre - toddler ds was asleep in the pram and baby dd was in the sling and was making it known quite clearly that she needed fed. I was near a popular coffeeshop, which had two tables available - other cafes were all full. As I got in the queue others joined behind me and bagged the free tables - one man put his coat and bag on one and the other had her husband go and sit there. I accept that I could have turned around and spoken to them but this felt a bit confrontational and felt awkward.

When I got to the barista I explained the situation and said I needed to feed my baby and that was really the only reason I was buying a coffee - essentially to 'purchase' a table. The man apologised politely and said there was nothing he could do but I could get a takeaway coffee and sit on a bench. I know many new mums find feeding in public a hugely anxiety inducing issue and I totally understand why. It's extremely stressful having a baby scream at you while you try to latch in a discrete way.

As luck would have it, someone finished up at this point and left - so I did have a table. However, surely it's not just bf mothers inconvenienced by this kind of dog eat dog system where first come first served is not abided by? Those with mobility issues must find it similarly stressful when people behind them rudely nab a table and avoid eye contact with those ahead in the queue.

The coffeeshop in question responded to my message with a token of goodwill of 3 free coffees. So... aibu? Could they have handled this better? Should I pursue it further? Or is three free coffees a sufficient response to this issue?

OP posts:
HauntedPencil · 27/01/2022 21:07

Lying across the banquette taking up 5 spaces with your outer garments festooned around the surrounding chairs next time please! Grin

Rubyupbeat · 27/01/2022 21:09

Sometimes my hip is excruciating, but to look at me you wouldn't know, so how can you judge you need it more than others, ridiculous!
What was the barista meant to do?

Youdoyoutoday · 27/01/2022 21:11

Well in fairness, your kid was asleep in the pram, you could have parked the pram up next to a table and put the nappy bag on top, you weren't going to be a million miles away if he woke up so you could have bagged a table.

I think you are being so massively unreasonable here!

RedRobyn2021 · 27/01/2022 21:12

I'd have given you my table OP

I find it so interesting that you find it easier being out of the house

Original poster
Caramelnipple · 27/01/2022 21:12

@thatsplentyjack honestly my mind is blown. I feel like I've misunderstood the café set up all my adult life. I would completely and entirely believe you were the one being entitled!😂

OP posts:
Original poster
Caramelnipple · 27/01/2022 21:13

Thanks @redrobyn2021 And SO MUCH EASIER.

OP posts:
WindyState · 27/01/2022 21:17

[quote Caramelnipple]@SliceOfCakeCupOfTea Ha! Pretty happy to come back - I'm big enough to be told I'm wrong. Thanks for all of the replies - apparently IABU! I guess I've always thought of it as rude to bag a table before buying anything. But, hey - apparently not![/quote]
Nah, it is rude to bag a table when a place is busy. If I gave my food or whatever and there are tables with the coats etc of people behind me in the queue I will happily sit at them.

THEDEACON · 27/01/2022 21:20

YABVU in this situation and also for dragging a bf baby and toddler about all day especially at the moment!

ButtockUp · 27/01/2022 21:23

@Caramelnipple

My point is I was on my own and couldn't go nab a seat - it's hardly first come first served. I just think it's very rude to go grab a table when someone ahead of you quite clearly needs one.
How is someone behind you to know that you need a table? Maybe people behind you think that you might be getting a takeaway coffee?

That you've bagged 3 free coffees is more than enough. Though the poor barista may have just wanted to stop you creating a fuss.

Yes you were on your own but so what?

It's annoying when tables get bagged but a hungry baby does not top trump on table bagging.

Somethingsnappy · 27/01/2022 21:24

@Caramelnipple

Happy to have helped *@somethingsnappy*. This thread is like a public service announcement to those averse to bagsying.
Grin
Original poster
Caramelnipple · 27/01/2022 21:24

What on earth is that supposed to mean @thedeacon? Why should I not be out? I wear a mask. I keep my distance. The first lockdown happened when my toddler was 5 weeks old so I never really got to be out and about with him as a baby - there's no way I'm staying in the house all day second time around.

OP posts:
HauntedPencil · 27/01/2022 21:24

Why is everyone putting their coat on a table then ordering a drink more rude than taking a table someone else has sat at first that was in all likelihood there before you?

merrymouse · 27/01/2022 21:25

Nah, it is rude to bag a table when a place is busy.

No it isn’t, it’s just sensible because it enables people on their own to be sure they can sit down before paying for food.

HauntedPencil · 27/01/2022 21:25

Goodness no get out -
I much preferred being out. What a strange comment

Somethingsnappy · 27/01/2022 21:31

@THEDEACON

YABVU in this situation and also for dragging a bf baby and toddler about all day especially at the moment!
Ah, of course, a mother's place is in the home, eh? Hmm
rainbowmash · 27/01/2022 21:31

It's unreasonable to compare your situation to that of disabled people in the original post. They're not even slightly similar sets of needs and expectations.

YANBU to need to breastfeed comfortably but you don't get to expect strangers to disrupt their day for you because you've brought your parenting needs into a public space.

rainbowmash · 27/01/2022 21:37

I'm going to agree that it's horrible manners to "claim" a table before you've made a purchase. If all the tables go before I've paid, then that's just tough cheese for me - I'll wait or get it to go.

I'd be horrified to be seen dumping my bag and coat on a table in a busy cafe and then nipping to the queue. Only ok if it's super quiet in there.

ShirleyPhallus · 27/01/2022 21:38

@THEDEACON

YABVU in this situation and also for dragging a bf baby and toddler about all day especially at the moment!
What does “at the moment” mean? Are people still using THERE IS A PANDEMIC!!!!! to suggest people shouldn’t be out?
Buttercup54321 · 27/01/2022 21:40

You are an entitled CF!!!!

HauntedPencil · 27/01/2022 21:42

@rainbowmash

I'm going to agree that it's horrible manners to "claim" a table before you've made a purchase. If all the tables go before I've paid, then that's just tough cheese for me - I'll wait or get it to go.

I'd be horrified to be seen dumping my bag and coat on a table in a busy cafe and then nipping to the queue. Only ok if it's super quiet in there.

That's so illogical - you don't need to if it's not busy but it's ok and it's not ok of it is but you'd need to?

I mean you can't expect other people to follow your exact specific cafe moral code

Surely

Somethingsnappy · 27/01/2022 21:50

@Buttercup54321

You are an entitled CF!!!!
And you need to go easy on the exclamation marks.
SouthOfFrance · 27/01/2022 22:56

I think you've been gracious in accepting your expectations are in the minority.

If it makes you feel better I've seen similar threads about this subject before and it's always the same, bagging a table first always wins.

I think you should go out and enjoy your 3 free coffees with your new found bagsying strategy Brew BrewBrew

TrashyPanda · 27/01/2022 23:20

I expected them to appeal to the decency of those behind me in the queue who had took the last table

You have been asked many times how you instinctively knew these people did not actually need the table, ie for reasons of disability. And you’ve stayed silent.

Why does your desire to sit at a table make you more important than people who might actually need to sit down because they have a disability?
Why would it be “decent” for a disabled person to be told you are more deserving of a seat?

Thatsplentyjack · 28/01/2022 06:54

Ah, of course, a mother's place is in the home, eh?

Now, I love being out and about. I look after children and it really is great to get out with them, but having them out all day every day with a toddler strapped in a pram and a baby in a sling isn't ideal. My toddlers would be bored stiff trapsing around in the pram having to sit around in coffee shops to feed a baby.

Darbs76 · 28/01/2022 06:56

Really? It’s first come first served, sure there were other places. You can’t just force people off tables as you want to feed your baby