How many of you have had an encounter like this with a man??

[RozHuntleysLeftHand]

Video in twitter thread linked.
It's a man being fucking EXTREMELY creepy to a 17 yr old girl who's just trying to shop in a thrift store.

I'm betting it's most of us, right?
My first one was when I was 10- FUCKING TEN!
Creepy ice cream man asking all sorts of inappropriate questions, leering at me and asking if I was alone and where my parents were.
Then basically just continued.

I can't even count the amount of interactions like this I had when I was younger.

This is so, so relatable it's painful.

It actually made me feel sick watching, all the fear, panic and not knowing how to get out of it, the fear that if you simply tell them to fuck off or something that they will get aggressive or worse, stalk you when you get out.

Serious serial killer vibes as well trying to get her to come work on his fucking remote property, someone get the sniffer dogs out there.

For fuck sake.

Video here

AIBU to think this is just normal life for so many girls and women?
And AIBU to think why the fuck can't we get this fucking sorted in 2022??

[quote AngelinaFibres]**@HighlandPony
I don't want to have to retaliate physically to a man's creepy behaviour.
I don't want to find myself in a carriage full of strangers, who have not seen a man being discretely creepy, but have just seen me assault him in what he will claim is a totally unprovoked attack.
I don't want to be arrested at the next station when I just want to get home.
I don't want to be sexually assaulted in a lift . I want to get on with my day.
Good for you if you choose to see yourself as a ballsy woman. I married a man who professed to love me but beat the living daylights out of me because I stood my ground. I choose not to put myself in that position with any man ever again. The weediest of men can do the average woman serious harm without a great deal of effort, particularly when that man feels humiliated. Standing up to a random stranger may cause them to crumble and crawl away. It may also cause you serious harm. In that moment you have absolutely no idea which man you are faced with or how it will pan out.[/quote]
I just don’t get it. I can’t relate. I’ve never given a second thought to how something will pan out if I chase some arse high on pcp out the pub for trying to nick the charity box, I’ve never been bothered by what someone who never seen the start of something might think. I’ve never been bothered by what anyone thinks. I’ve certainly never bothered about whether I’d get lifted for it or not. Women like me are given a bad name. “Ladette, chav, pikey, council scum, scheemie” etc and mostly by more affluent women in positions of power. while some of it may be true, women like me have never felt the way you do. I just can’t relate. To me not getting in a lift because there’s a man in it who might do something seems as daft as not getting in a car because I might crash.

Women like me are given a bad name. “Ladette, chav, pikey, council scum, scheemie” etc and mostly by more affluent women in positions of power.

Yeah .. the joys of internalised misogyny - doing the patriarchy's job for it since time immemorial ...

@ChargingBuck

Women like me are given a bad name. “Ladette, chav, pikey, council scum, scheemie” etc and mostly by more affluent women in positions of power.

Yeah .. the joys of internalised misogyny - doing the patriarchy's job for it since time immemorial ...

Acht I don’t care what folk call me. Skin as thick as a dragon me. Always think the ones saying things like that would be happier in life if they shed their daft ideas of what’s ‘proper’ and cared less about what folk thought of them

That I care or not what other people think of me has nothing to do with men making the choice to sexually harass or sexually assault me

They don’t care as it’s not about me or what I do it’s about what they want to do

That video gave me the creeps - thankfully I’m older these days so it doesn’t happen much but in my teens up to about age 30 it happened all the time. I remember i was a student and working in a Spar and the guy I was on shift with actually cornered me in the back room and was so close I could feel his hot breath on my face. Thankfully, another colleague (male) who wasn’t on shift but knew I’d felt uncomfortable with this guy, had popped in to check I was having an OK shift and this creep spring back in the presence of another man. I told the owner who could t have given fewer shits. The colleague who helped me then went out of his way to ensure we were always on shift together so I didn’t have to be around the creep anymore. I remember thinking FFS it’s one thing in public, another when I’m working a shitty minimum wage job

True. But I think women like me aren’t targeted BECAUSE of how we are. Might as well have one of those body form flashing signs above my head saying “not worth the hassle mate”. Men who do these things know how to pick their victims. Whether is a stranger or as others have said someone they were in a relationship with. They don’t go for batshit psychobitchesfrom hell. They don’t pick ones with dads who are likely to come at them with a crowbar if they try and isolate them from family and friends, they target ones who have numerous brothers and cousins with a penchant for trouble.

But I think women like me aren’t targeted BECAUSE of how we are. Might as well have one of those body form flashing signs above my head saying “not worth the hassle mate”

🙄🙄🙄🙄 Yea that’s the answer, emulate whatever you do, then sex crimes will be extinct. Well done

FWIW I can guarantee that 99.9% are not the least bit afraid of you, I really wouldn’t count your chickens

Men who do these things know how to pick their victims. Whether is a stranger or as others have said someone they were in a relationship with. They don’t go for batshit psychobitchesfrom hell. They don’t pick ones with dads who are likely to come at them with a crowbar if they try and isolate them from family and friends, they target ones who have numerous brothers and cousins with a penchant for trouble.

This is such offensive bullshit

You really think that wallflowers with meek fathers ever got raped, or harassed, or abused at home? You think men only go for women who are compliant and inoffensive?

You don’t have to look far to see what happens to abused women who do stand up to their men. There’s a reason that taking a stance and leaving is the most dangerous time for abuse victims. Men aren’t frightened of you, or your dad or cousins, or most other women. It’s about psychological warfare, not how ‘psycho bitch’ a woman is

Also I can’t imagine Aisling Murphy’s killer did much research about her dad before he murdered her in broad daylight. She fought back, she stabbed his face with keys and attacked him to the point he was hospitalised. She still died.

Maybe she should have had a ‘not worth the hassle mate’ look about her.

The only difference between you and her, isn’t that you’re attack-proof, it’s that you weren’t where she was at that time and place. If you were, you would be dead as well.

@AsYouWishButtercup

But I think women like me aren’t targeted BECAUSE of how we are. Might as well have one of those body form flashing signs above my head saying “not worth the hassle mate”

🙄🙄🙄🙄 Yea that’s the answer, emulate whatever you do, then sex crimes will be extinct. Well done

FWIW I can guarantee that 99.9% are not the least bit afraid of you, I really wouldn’t count your chickens

I’d go with 60 ish percent aren’t afraid of me. Doesn’t matter. The other 40ish are unlikely to want to start a battle with the rest of the family. Most women who are abused are abused by people they know. Raise your daughters to know they have that backup. Of course it won’t work in all cases but it would in many. This whole “I have to change what I do” just perpetuates a victim mindset. It’s not for me, I don’t believe in it and I don’t raise mine that way. You don’t have to get out a lift if a man gets in just because you’re a woman, you don’t have ti cross the street if a group of men are just walking. What happened to women can do just the same as men?

I'm in my mid 50's and was harassed on a train just before Christmas, I was travelling alone and he was drunk. He was ok and chatty at first but then started saying he bets I have a beautiful pussy and that he'd really love to see it, amongst other things. It got so bad people in my carriage called the guard. I was met at my station by the police, they pulled him aside and escorted me to my car. I'm in my bloody 50's, I've put up with this shit since about age 14.

My stepdd and my dd are young and beautiful, they put up with it every day, they were quite shaken with my train wanker incident, they couldn't believe they still have to cope with it in 30 years time.

Incidentally, I'm in my 50's but I'm a former professional athlete, not a shrinking violet by any stretch of the imagination. Blaming me for not looking hard enough or for allowing a man to make me vulnerable is blatantly ridiculous. Some man see the muscles, the attitude, and see that as a challenge.

So why are all these men who are not like that not speaking out.

^

Because basically they don't care THAT much. Not enough to actually do anything about it. Even though they have daughters, wives, mothers, etc etc.

Do they even realise women are humans too?

I'll continue to see the good in people until proven otherwise!
Innocent until proven guilty still stands for me! Or shall we just lock all men up now because 'they could...' and be done with it!

@Mommabear20

I'll continue to see the good in people until proven otherwise! Innocent until proven guilty still stands for me! Or shall we just lock all men up now because 'they could...' and be done with it!

You do you but don't expect women to let their guard down around men.

Clearly the murders of women are just meaningless statistics to you.

@RozHuntleysLeftHand is that the one where he says he has hurt his leg and needs someone to come to his property to help him move something?

@phishy no they're not meaning less statistics to me, but there are countless crimes that women commit on other women or men, and crimes that men commit against men, I simply don't see the benefits of living in constant fear and people.

@Mommabear20

I'll continue to see the good in people until proven otherwise! Innocent until proven guilty still stands for me! Or shall we just lock all men up now because 'they could...' and be done with it!

1 in 10 women raped by men 1 in 4 women victims of DV at the hands of men 1 in 5 women sexually assaulted by men 99% of rapists get away with their crime

I’m not sure what other proof you need to see that men, as a class, are a danger

[quote Mommabear20]@phishy no they're not meaning less statistics to me, but there are countless crimes that women commit on other women or men, and crimes that men commit against men, I simply don't see the benefits of living in constant fear and people. [/quote]
Men commit 97% of violent crimes. Women are not ‘commuting countless crimes’ against men.

@Socialcarenope

Yanbu.

(Some) men will say "how are we supposed to start a conversation with women if we aren't even allowed to talk to them" and I can, sort of, see their point BUT the answer is surely to wait until they talk to you, or they give that inviting smile. I believe most people can tell if someone is open to conversation.

I can't see their point at all. Who cares if they don't start conversations with women (or inappropriately young women). I don't see women or girls as existing to facilitate men's chatting.

When I was 15 I had to walk past a building site every day on my way home from school. I was cat-called and whistled at every day. I didn't even understand most of the words they were shouting. I was young for my age and found it terrifying. Every fucking day for 2 months.

I do not know a single woman who has been exempt from this shit...

there are countless crimes that women commit on other women or men

This is proper bollocks.

@dipdye

So why are all these men who are not like that not speaking out.

^

Because basically they don't care THAT much. Not enough to actually do anything about it. Even though they have daughters, wives, mothers, etc etc.

Do they even realise women are humans too?

Some Men do speak out, try listening.

That said it would help if courts gave proper sentences (like life) to people who kidnap women drag em into a van and cause permanent irreparable damage.

Some Men do speak out, try listening.
And most don't, try paying attention @mummykel16

That said it would help if courts gave proper sentences (like life) to people who kidnap women drag em into a van and cause permanent irreparable damage.
Prison is not a deterrent to a man who is prepared to do that.
It might get a perpetrator off the street, but it doesn't heal the woman does it?
Change doesn't come from increasingly draconian punishments from 'above'.
It comes from tiny acts at the grass roots. Education. Small interventions. The kind of small acts of conscious allyship so many men could make every day, but don't - because men are conditioned to think that speaking out against 'just locker room banter' will get them labelled a cissy. We all know what Angry & Controlling men do to women & cissies ...

Also, by "monstering" the men who kidnap women drag em into a van you are playing into the dangerous myth that only monsters hurt women. That the streets are the most unsafe places, & that all VAWG is pre-planned by a stranger predator.
It's bollocks.
Women & girls are at FAR more risk of harm in their own homes. See also relative's & friend's homes, offices, sports clubs, hobby groups. Seeing the pattern yet?
Because the VAST majority of assaults on women are committed BY MEN THEY ALREADY KNOW & should have damn well been able to trust.

So I think piss off with your NAMALT nonsense.
Uncle Geoff at the xmas party is a very much more real risk to girls than your hysterical image of monsters, culled from popular media & popular myth.

PS apologies in advance is 'cissy' now has more complicated connotations, I'm not using it as a perjorative, just a descriptor to indicate how toxic masculinity tends to respond to the non-toxic.
So please don't jump on it, I'm an old bat who can't always keep up with emerging vocab.

I think most of us have been there and it’s horrible. I remember as a teenager getting the bus to college every morning and I had to change my pattern of which bus stop to use because the local street sweeper kept talking to me and hanging about at my bus stop even when I was giving him one word answers and doing my best not to make eye contact/turn away from him. I remember another creep who’d get on the same bus as me at night when I was in my early twenties and kept trying to talk to me and get my attention despite me reading a book with headphones in and clearly ignoring him. When you’re younger you often don’t have the confidence or experience to know how to handle such situations. I remember a drunk male stranger getting too close to my mum in a bus station and I stepped between them and asked him to move away when he tried to put his arm around her. He looked shocked and stumbled off cursing about uptight bitches and just having a bit of fun. It happens so often to so many women.