Page 4 | How many of you have had an encounter like this with a man??

theDudesmummy · 27/01/2022 19:13

I thought I was past all this shit, I am 58, short, plump and now pretty ordinary and unremarkable in looks. I was in a cathedral just before Xmas, as a sightseer, and what I would classify as an old man ( maybe 70?) came over to me while I was temporarily walking apart from my DS, aged 12, and my adult DD and SIL. He told me that every Xmas he makes a point of staying alone IN A HOTEL (he emphasised this) in a different city so he could "meet new people". I was a bit slow and just said that's nice, have a good Xmas. I tried to walk away but he followed me and kept talking. I only realised what was going on when SIL (aged 27 and a body builder) hurried over and took my arm, and walked me off. We did then laugh about him pretending to be my toy boy, but when I thought about it later I was rather shaken.

hookiewookie29 · 27/01/2022 19:17

My daughter has this every single time she goes out- supermarket, on the bus, shops in town....she's 18 but it's been going on since her early teens. We were on holiday one summer when she was 14. She needed to go into Boots, I was waiting outside. She was taking a while in the shop so I went in, saw her at the end of one aisle and then saw the man standing very close behind her. I watched for a minute or two and every time she moved so did he. If she went to another aisle, he did too. This guy was probably mid forties. He was definitely following her- so I wandered down the aisle towards her, put my arm around her and told him to fuck off and leave her alone. He tried to deny that he was up to anything but I'd seen enough to know what he was doing.
Since then, she's had numerous run-ins with pervs who think they're God's gift to vulnerable young girls. She's now mastered the art of telling them where to go. Sad that she has to do it...

SeeminglyOblivious · 27/01/2022 19:22

Mmmmm.

I'm not saying women don't have to deal with this shit - they do. But this is acted imo. He clearly sounds to me like someone remembering and quoting lines. He sounds like an actor.

crochetmonkey74 · 27/01/2022 19:28

I think anyone who doubts this or apologises for this man etc etc should spend a day as the teacher of a group of teenage girls on a school trip, helps if you are a short fat middle aged one like me (therefore invisible)

Men are UNASHAMED - it is prolific, it is in all types of men and it is shocking.

SafeMove · 27/01/2022 19:29

I have had it so many times and for so long that I have unbridled rage about it now that I frequently can not stop myself from telling them to fuck off and have at times loudly said to people 'Please can you help me, he is bothering/scaring me'. Most of the time they sheepishly slope off, especially if you ask people to help, but I have had 3 who have reacted very aggressively back. As in squaring up to me. I am small and 'friendly' looking, DP can not believe how many random men walk up and start chatting to me, even when he is with me. I had one at a gig who started trying to talk to me about my height in November, one walking on a golf course recently and one within the same walk who actually got his phone out to show me a video of a deer he had seen. All three times DP was with me and they didn't acknowledge him at all. It is really strange. I just walked off and didn't engage, DP was saying WTF is wrong with these men? He has been really taken aback by how boundary trampling they are. It's so normal to me. I am 42 so hardly a spring chicken either.

crochetmonkey74 · 27/01/2022 19:33

@SafeMove

I have had it so many times and for so long that I have unbridled rage about it now that I frequently can not stop myself from telling them to fuck off and have at times loudly said to people 'Please can you help me, he is bothering/scaring me'. Most of the time they sheepishly slope off, especially if you ask people to help, but I have had 3 who have reacted very aggressively back. As in squaring up to me. I am small and 'friendly' looking, DP can not believe how many random men walk up and start chatting to me, even when he is with me. I had one at a gig who started trying to talk to me about my height in November, one walking on a golf course recently and one within the same walk who actually got his phone out to show me a video of a deer he had seen. All three times DP was with me and they didn't acknowledge him at all. It is really strange. I just walked off and didn't engage, DP was saying WTF is wrong with these men? He has been really taken aback by how boundary trampling they are. It's so normal to me. I am 42 so hardly a spring chicken either.

Also- women have been so conditioned that we feel we have to say that we are not young/ gorgeous/slim - as if we will be thought of as big headed if we 'boast' about this harassment !

phishy · 27/01/2022 19:36

That was definitely creepy. I had the creepy men approach me when I was younger and now in my late 30s I get the aggressive men, who are angry that I exist in what they see as their space.

crochetmonkey74 · 27/01/2022 19:39

@phishy

That was definitely creepy. I had the creepy men approach me when I was younger and now in my late 30s I get the aggressive men, who are angry that I exist in what they see as their space.

In your 40s you sort of get fragile ego disgust They sort of can't believe you don't care about them anymore

LaurenKelsey · 27/01/2022 19:49

One of my daughters who is now over 20 has been approached like this for years. She won’t hesitate to tell men to FUCK OFF. They aren’t expecting women to do that so they back off. Why do these men who aren’t particularly attractive think a young woman would have any interest in them?

AngelinaFibres · 27/01/2022 19:56

@Redbeanpasta

Predatory men like this rely on young women feeling like they have to be nice. Been there unfortunately, got that creepy t-shirt. He's a creep and he knew exactly what he was doing with his bullshit predatory patter.

It never ends does it ? I was on a train recently with my husband. He had the window seat, I had the aisle seat. I looked up and a man was staring straight at me. I looked away and then looked back. He was still staring and sort of smiling/smirking. He carried on staring. My husband and I have been together for 20 years so he knows now that if I ask to swap seats there is a reason and I I will tell him later. We swapped. The man huffed loudly, got up and left the carriage. We weren't approaching a station ,the train was busy. Getting up probably meant he didn't get another seat. That sort of thing used to happen a lot when I was young. It is still happening and I am 56. People may say 'why didn't you challenge him?' It's a confined space, I didn't want a confrontation. I felt the only thing I could do was to move myself away.

Mommabear20 · 27/01/2022 19:57

Never had an experience like this!

While it's bad that it happens, it's awful that all men are tagged in the same way! Not all men are like this!

crochetmonkey74 · 27/01/2022 20:01

AngelinaFibres

You also know that if you had said something he would have just suggested you were 'hysterical' and he was only being friendly

It's so tedious always being wrong - or being made out to be crazy

crochetmonkey74 · 27/01/2022 20:02

@Mommabear20

Never had an experience like this!

While it's bad that it happens, it's awful that all men are tagged in the same way! Not all men are like this!

we are talking about the ones that are

I've never been bitten by a dog but I know that some are nasty and crucially, that all of them can and will bite in given circumstances

AngelinaFibres · 27/01/2022 20:06

@Mommabear20

Never had an experience like this!

While it's bad that it happens, it's awful that all men are tagged in the same way! Not all men are like this!

Not all men are tagged the same way but sadly the creeps do not wear a high viz jacket so we can avoid them. They walk amongst the other ones and feel entirely comfortable in invading the space of women who have expressed no interest what so ever in being blessed with their company.

HighlandPony · 27/01/2022 20:10

Honestly I’ve never really had anything like this. Probably because I’m a gobby cow raised by a long line of gobby cows. I think one of the best ways to tackle this is to not raise our kids, boys or girls, to be sensitive little souls. Make sure they know they’re allowed to tell creeps “fuck off out my face ya weirdo!” Let them know there’s a time and a place for confrontation and how to really confront someone. I really believe this stands people in better stead for life.

crochetmonkey74 · 27/01/2022 20:11

I saw a young girl (early 20s) at a coffee shop (serving) desperately trying to wrap up a conversation with an old pervy guy (at least 75) who kept talking about how pretty she was- how he liked her body, and held her hand and wouldn't let go- and was insisting on giving her phone number. She was so uncomfortable

*cue people saying he was just a lovely old man who wanted a conversation/ early stages of dementia

Momicrone · 27/01/2022 20:11

As a young woman I had some negative experiences but not so many that it blighted my life

AutomaticMoon · 27/01/2022 20:18

Started at 7 for me, men on the street exposing themselves and saying weird sexual things that I didn’t understand at the time. Once when I was 8-9 sitting on the bus, a man came and stood next to me rubbing his penis into my arm/shoulder, in broad daylight in front of people. I was terrified, I got off the bus and he followed me, talking to me, I ran in the end.

On my way to school, same year, morning and many people around, a man said he’s from a radio station and started asking me sexual questions.

At 7 I was in foster care and the man would sexually abuse me at night while ‘tucking me in’ and his wife knew because she saw him, I was sleeping on their sofa, and she hated me and verbally abused me as I think she was jealous.

My father said it was my responsibility to not get sexually abused, when I disclosed as an adult.

There’s more but I’m tired now. The pedophilia agenda is in full swing so not only things are not getting better, they seem to be getting considerably worse.

MrsTerryPratchett · 27/01/2022 20:19

@Mommabear20

Never had an experience like this!

While it's bad that it happens, it's awful that all men are tagged in the same way! Not all men are like this!

Yes, the absolute worst thing about male harassment and assaults on women is the impact on men. You're soooo right. Poor men.

OhWhyNot · 27/01/2022 20:19

Was so often when I was younger. I would often feel nervous and nervously laugh. Or humour them on the odd occasion I said to leave me alone some would turn aggressive

That’s what men don’t understand is that when we reject advances it can put us in a situation that is even more difficult to deal with

I stepped in a few months ago a man in his 40’s was pestering a young women in Sainsbury’s. I just got in his way and chatted with her about her coat. I remembered how older women would do this for me shield me from unwanted male attention.

OhWhyNot · 27/01/2022 20:21

Yeah yeah not all men . But it will be a number of men that you think wouldn’t behave like this

mummykel16 · 27/01/2022 20:22

@RozHuntleysLeftHand

Video in twitter thread linked. It's a man being fucking EXTREMELY creepy to a 17 yr old girl who's just trying to shop in a thrift store.

I'm betting it's most of us, right?
My first one was when I was 10- FUCKING TEN!
Creepy ice cream man asking all sorts of inappropriate questions, leering at me and asking if I was alone and where my parents were.
Then basically just continued.

I can't even count the amount of interactions like this I had when I was younger.

This is so, so relatable it's painful.

It actually made me feel sick watching, all the fear, panic and not knowing how to get out of it, the fear that if you simply tell them to fuck off or something that they will get aggressive or worse, stalk you when you get out.

Serious serial killer vibes as well trying to get her to come work on his fucking remote property, someone get the sniffer dogs out there.

For fuck sake.

Video here

AIBU to think this is just normal life for so many girls and women?
And AIBU to think why the fuck can't we get this fucking sorted in 2022??

No I thought by now things would be better, then...

AutomaticMoon · 27/01/2022 20:22

Most recently at work, care home, coworker texted me that he wants to ‘copulate with me on the kitchen table’ and female manager thought it was funny, and said it’s not her responsibility as he wasn’t at work when he texted this. This same man simulated humping a female coworker at a training course, he’s in his 50s but male manager said it’s because he’s Deaf and ‘direct’... but I never said anything to him that could be misconstrued as flirting. When I tried to get help from a coworker as I was distressed, she said I mustn’t talk about it as it’s not fair to him?!

AutomaticMoon · 27/01/2022 20:25

@HighlandPony I was taught as a child to do as adults said. When I was sexually harassed and abused, I just froze. There was nowhere to escape to and I didn’t even know what was happening. I just knew it was really scary.

AngelinaFibres · 27/01/2022 20:25

@crochetmonkey74

AngelinaFibres

You also know that if you had said something he would have just suggested you were 'hysterical' and he was only being friendly

It's so tedious always being wrong - or being made out to be crazy

Yes, you are right. I was walking through a carpark one Christmas after shopping. I had several large bags. A man started following me in his car, really slowly. I didn't like it and there were plenty of spaces so there was no need to wait for me to leave to have my space. He drew level with me and said "Get in I'll give you a lift to your car". Wtf

. I declined the offer, but carefully, as we do, so he didn't become nasty. He didn't like that and started saying "Don't you trust me eh , don't you?". I just said "I dont know you, I dont need any help thank you" Thank you ......we are always polite aren't we ,so they don't attack us.I was really uncomfortable. I got back to my car by walking through all the parked cars so he would have to get out of his car to get at me. I remember looking for other people to scream at for help and working out how quickly I could run if he got out and whether it was worth keeping the bags or dropping and running. I was 50, minding my own business shopping for my family for Christmas. He just thought he would push himself into my space. He frightened me. I was too frightened to challenge him . Once I got to my car he roared away. It was mid day on market day in my very small home city.