To think it’s ok to do ‘well enough’ at gcse’s

[Laughingstock91]

DS is doing well in school- I don’t know what his predicted grades are yet as he’s in year 9 and the school don’t do predicted gcse grades as they take the (sensible I feel) approach that it predicted grades too early on can cap achievement. I like this approach.

DS is doing well by their markers but gets very stressed by pressure. And the pressure seems to come from the get straight A’s & A* that seems to be hovering about - not from the school nescrssarily- but from an expectation in his peers that anything less is a failure. It drives me nuts! I got 8 GCSE’s grades a-c, did 3 Alevels grades a-c and then went to Uni and got a 2:1. I really want DS to pass his GCSEs and be able to go on and study but I don’t want him to feel ridiculous pressure to try and get straight A grades (or 9’s or whatever the modern day equivalent is.

But is that ok? Am I failing him by not pushing him? A friend with a child in private school where they get pushed to achieve straight A’s thinks I am letting him down but not saying he should aim for that! I just want him to do as well as he can but to not go mad with the stress of it all.

Aibu?

@purpleboy

I always said to my dd (18) I don't care what you get as long as you've put the effort in. When we got reports the only thing I looked at and focused on was the effort grade. She consistently produced solid work A/B level but went to pot in exams and ended up with Cs. Although she did do better in her GCSEs and A levels. She faced huge pressure from the school (private) and she panicked at exams worrying about what the teachers would say. We could see the effort was put in and that was all we cared about, we drummed that into her. She has said to us since how appreciate she was for our approach and how the pressure was lifted from her and she felt able to do better because she wasn't scared of letting us down. A lot of her friend parents were very pushy and unless it was solid 9s the parents weren't happy with their kids. There was a lot of resentment from the kids towards their parents. It's sad to see really.

Agree with this too! We took the same approach of only ever tracking the effort scores, rather than the grades

@SarahAndQuack if you want the myth about volunteering to die a death the universities should be informing young people. My dc wasn’t told at any stage it was a waste of time.
It’s not just volunteering though. It’s other super-curricular activities too. They are doomed before le they start because they can’t compete with mediocre students who are getting high gcses because of small class sizes and resources.

I think it’s important to create a good environment for them to achieve, but they’ve got to be the ones doing the running.

[quote Mamamwmwma]@SarahAndQuack if you want the myth about volunteering to die a death the universities should be informing young people. My dc wasn’t told at any stage it was a waste of time.
It’s not just volunteering though. It’s other super-curricular activities too. They are doomed before le they start because they can’t compete with mediocre students who are getting high gcses because of small class sizes and resources.[/quote]
We do.

It's not unheard of for schools/teachers/parents not to listen, mind.

Interesting point
I am wondering how much goes on school references too (any?)

There is a lot of pressure these days.

However grades are higher than when you were young. If you have a rough idea of what he wants to do, you will know what he needs to get.

I did just good enough and went to uni. I'll never be a millionaire but with a 37,000 salary I'm all good.

@SarahAndQuack How do you communicate it? Is everything the fault of parents and students in your world?

ds is onto his 3rd year of exams and while he has been stressed he wasn't overwhelmed by it mostly because he revised little and often throughout instead of leaving it until 2-3 months before exams before looking over material covered months ago.

A manageable level of stress is good for you, it focuses your mind and increases your performance and learning. It is when it becomes unmanageable it is a problem and that usually happens when revising topics is left way too late.

You can help him by guiding him to plan ahead and prioritising subjects important to him to avoid unhealthy stress.

He will need to get the grades in the subjects he wants to do A-levels in and may need a particular grade in Maths to be allowed to do physics. He may need to get a 7 in the subject he wants to study at A-level which is quite hard. Ultimately all kids need to be able to get the grades they need to be able to move onto the next level - be it Alevel or btec or apprenticeship.

[quote Mamamwmwma]@SarahAndQuack How do you communicate it? Is everything the fault of parents and students in your world?[/quote]
No, not in the least. I agree with you it would be good we had funding to put this message out more (but I refer you again to the vice-chancellors, rather than 'universities' 'not bothering').

However, I have had the experience of making this point at a university open day, and being met with total disbelief from a teacher who thought I couldn't possibly be right. It is a surprisingly ingrained belief.

Depressingly, I think the message gets through least well to the places where it's most needed.

But this feels as if we're wandering an awful long way from the subject of the thread! I really didn't want to do that - I just think you are being a bit unfair to blame universities here.

The reality is that a higher percentage of 7-9s are awarded than A-BS were in our day so it is not like for like comparison. Also in the days before 16-18 year old were required ro go on to post 16 education there were fewer doing A levels and uni so therefore again it is more vital to achieve better grades than historically.

@Ozanj my kids still worked hard but revision technique wasn't there string point but they have done well at college doing btechs and work etc as no exam technique needed then really
The exam system and way we test kids is out of date and not right
We don't need all people being high achievers and having to go to uni or end up in top jobs
We still need grafters and hard workers and those skilled with there hands etc

Totally agree worriedatthemoment
I think the trend in recent years to make everything academic is a big mistake. Even the cinversiin of all the polys and increasing number if colleges into Universities is something I disagree with. They were different types of institution, serving different purposes and had value. Now they are just seen as second or third rate Universities.
Other qualifications like HNDs used to really mean something too. Now the whole world has a degree and I'm not convinced tgat that is to the benefit of eithervthose who would have done degrees in the past, or those who would have traditionally taken other routes.
As a society we need a wide variety of people and we really need to value different skills more and offer more options to the standard GCSE, A level, University degree route.

@SarahAndQuack no disrespect but I would want to see what Eton kids are putting in their personal statements before I advised one of my dc not to mention supercurricular activities in theirs.

[quote Mamamwmwma]@SarahAndQuack no disrespect but I would want to see what Eton kids are putting in their personal statements before I advised one of my dc not to mention supercurricular activities in theirs.[/quote]
I've not seen a huge number of Eton personal statements, but the ones I have seen were chock-full of stuff about the specific course, the specific texts they'd read, etc. etc. I think Eton is probably extremely well aware of how to butter up admissions departments. But where I was when I read personal statements (I don't do admissions any more), we took them purely as a prompt for having a conversation; we didn't really assess them.

What we need to realise is not everyone is academically gifted
Some could work forever and still only get a 2/3 ,
I found the parents were often more in competition with each other than the kids
My brother got low grades and now a bin men a job he actually loves, doesn't earn a bad wage has is own house and does a job we all need
What i never understood is why they all have to do 8 subjects for those struggling maths, english , science and a subject they enjoy should be enough try and help them get higher grades in those , or more apprentice based earlier
The system is flawed and lets down many kids

@RocketFire7 no every parent should parent how they choose , your way may not be right for every child
If i had put a structure like that in place for mine they would not of done it , they were able to manage there own time, a skill worth while having in life
They did out of school sports so 2.5 every night would not of been achievable so they managed their time
Both got as expected and one has applied to uni and he will need to know time management as we won't be there to do for him

@SE123

Kids are like farts, if you push too hard it will end up messy.

Love this comment 😁

My parents were quite hands off and never pushed. Let me focus on my social life and interests, left it to me to figure out what I needed to do at GCSE's/A levels. I remember going to the pub with my dad to watch England play France in the 2004 euros before a GCSE English exam 😂

Important to mention too that I missed a lot of school due to anxiety/school refusal when I was 13. I managed to have fairly normal attendance by the time I was 14. So my parents were also just concerned about my well-being, happiness, and the fact I was going to school again was good enough.

I was a bright kid. Despite the difficulties, and the fact that I didn't ever do much more than the bare minimum except for subjects I liked (English and History) I managed to get A*s and As (in those subjects) a bunch of Bs, but unfortunately Es in maths and science because I hated them and cba, basically. I did English, English lit and history at A level but got bored of the writing and quit halfway through and got a crappy office junior job. But that led to a better job, in customer service but at a fairly interesting organisation. This job has over time led me to my current job- where I earn an above average salary and have career development opportunities, interesting work, great holiday and lots of other perks. And lovely colleagues. Incidentally, I am one of the very few people at my current organisation without a degree- in fact lots of them have Masters and PHD's, even at my pay grade. If I work hard and learn the ropes here, I can progress to a really good salary.

I guess my point is there are all different routes and I am so grateful to my parents that they just let me be when I was a kid. They were encouraging and supportive, cared about my education but more than anything just wanted me to be happy. And in turn that's all I want for my own children. Happy, safe, healthy and fulfilled. And fulfilment is achieved by different routes for different people. Academia is not everything I say this as someone who deals with academia and academics every single day 😁

You are definitely not failing him and I agree with you.

@SarahAndQuack Well good for Eton. They have clearly been given the message loud and clear, unlike the teacher you referred to earlier. I’ve heard that schools like Eton have a lot of contacts at the top universities and that just confirms it for me.

[quote Mamamwmwma]@SarahAndQuack Well good for Eton. They have clearly been given the message loud and clear, unlike the teacher you referred to earlier. I’ve heard that schools like Eton have a lot of contacts at the top universities and that just confirms it for me.[/quote]
Well, they do, but I think more to the point, Eton spends a shit ton of time and effort working out how to optimise their pupils' chances, whereas a lot of state schools don't have the time or money for it. It's absolutely crap.

[quote Mamamwmwma]@SarahAndQuack How do you communicate it? Is everything the fault of parents and students in your world?[/quote]
As a parent I’ve been to numerous open day talks and read university prospectuses etc etc where they say your PS should all be related to your subject and it’s your grades and your subject that matters not volunteering D of E or Grade 8 on multiple instruments that matters.

But the schools and colleges are still saying the opposite.

And yes, my son got no help with his personal statement. He downloaded a guide from the subject page of his first university and a friend who is an UCAS advisor at a private school kindly looked over it.

He talked about areas of the subject that interests him, who he had read/listened to podcasts etc and how he had gone beyond the curriculum.

Depends - each set of exams is just a stepping stone to the next stage so while it’s nice to ace your way through school
Academically it’s just not achievable for most kids - nor should it be. It’s supposed to be hard.