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Original poster

To ask what we'd put down as our marital status?

254 replies

Elsalvador · 27/01/2022 11:49

With DH for 20 years. Not married and I don't want to turn this a debate about whether we should be or not :)

Looking for life insurance quotes, and the marital status is either married, single, divorced, separated, widowed or civil partnership. None of these fit. What would you put? I don't know whether this affects the premium displayed. Does anyone know? Thanks so much in advance Smile

OP posts:
DrSbaitso · 27/01/2022 12:44

Single because that's your legal relationship status.

BungleandGeorge · 27/01/2022 12:44

@JenniferAllisonPhillipaSue

I've never understood why 'divorced' is an option on such forms. Either you are married, or you're no longer married (divorce has dissolved the marriage) in which case you're single again.
‘Divorced’ always seems to put your premium up! Personally I’d probably choose the cheapest option that legally applies, for OP only single applies though
girlmom21 · 27/01/2022 12:44

@Dixiechickonhols

I’ve checked and it’s £161 to legally register your partnership (same as price to marry) at my council that’s everything - admin fee, notice x2, appointment slot to do legal bit and a certificate of proof. If you want to have your partnership legally recognised and tick partner on forms it’s there as an easy cheap option. Civil Partnership. Not being goady genuine curiosity why people in partnerships wanting to be recognised as partners wouldn’t do this.
Do you know if you can do this then get legally married later or is it an either/or situation?
MooSakah · 27/01/2022 12:45

If there's no cohabiting/living with partner then it's single.

And he is not your DH. Just own it if you don't want to get married.

Marmight · 27/01/2022 12:45

Hmm. I told my insurance company DH died, but I haven't specifically changed my marital status to widow. Would they really use that to avoid paying?

For what kind of insurance?
Life assurance is underwritten at point of acceptance. Therefore if you were married when the policy started, it was factually correct.
You don't tell your life assurance provider that you had your appendix out while the policy is running. You would have had to declare this if they had asked when setting up the policy.
Same kind of thing.

AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken · 27/01/2022 12:48

You’re single but, since you’re already referring to him as your husband, you could easily have a 20 minute ceremony and make that legal.
You don’t need to have a wedding.

drpet49 · 27/01/2022 12:50

Why are you referring to him as your husband when you are not married Hmm

Whammyyammy · 27/01/2022 12:51

Very easy, as you're not either married,, divorced, separated, widowed or in a civil partnership, you are single, which is in the list of options. So put singe

girlmom21 · 27/01/2022 12:53

Why's everyone questioning why she's referring to him as her husband? That's exactly why! Because when you've been with someone 20 years and give any indication that you're not married all the questions start coming about why.

dworky · 27/01/2022 12:54

Yes, you're legally single & far better off. Very sensible, OP.

Dixiechickonhols · 27/01/2022 12:56

girlmom21
www.lancashire.gov.uk/births-marriages-and-deaths/ceremonies/civil-partnerships/converting-a-civil-partnership-to-marriage/
Elton John springs to mind he was in a civil partnership then chose to marry.

girlmom21 · 27/01/2022 12:57

Thank you @Dixiechickonhols!

Original poster
Elsalvador · 27/01/2022 12:57

Thanks everyone. Single it is.

I asked because I wanted clarification that these questions are related to legal status and do have an actual impact on premiums. Sounds like they do. It was a genuine question.

For the poster who asked why I'm asking now after 20 years, well other forms usually have "co-habiting" these days. Where forms haven't had this option, they have been for forms where what I choose doesn't really matter (e.g. feedback questionnaires).

For all those who posted that he's not my DH, i know that. I know I should have said DP. Call it force of habit as it's often easier to refer to him as my husband (social conventions and all that) as we've been together for so long and lived together for most of that. There gets a point where I can't be bothered explaining again why we are not married.

@MooSakah I do own it that I'm not married. I have no issues with not being married though I usually find that others do.

Anyway, thanks everyone. A resounding consensus that I put single Smile and totally understood that DP is not my DH Grin

OP posts:
A4513 · 27/01/2022 12:59

Not being goady genuine curiosity why people in partnerships wanting to be recognised as partners wouldn’t do this

That's an easy one.

What you're entering into is a legal contract. (Marriage or civil partnership)

That has certain legal advantages e.g. inheritance taxes.

It also automatically has certain legal repurcussions which might not be desirable.

For example: a woman who owns a house and has children and wants her children to inherit upon death. If she marries then new boyfriend would get the lot - or worse, if they both die in the same accident, in most legal jurisdictions the default is the oldest died first, so if she's older than her new husband, his adult DC might inherit the lot away from her own children.

Getting married is a legal contract, and sometimes that works for people, and sometimes it doesn't - it's important to understand what you're entering into from a legal perspective.

Skeumorph · 27/01/2022 13:00

@girlmom21

Why's everyone questioning why she's referring to him as her husband? That's exactly why! Because when you've been with someone 20 years and give any indication that you're not married all the questions start coming about why.
No, not at all.

The questions coming thick and fast here are all querying why she wouldn't understand that she is legally single.

In real life, she would refer to her DP as her partner, and no one would question it for a moment surely? I've several friends who have been together decades, children, assets, sometimes adult children - they have chosen not to marry, for all sorts of reasons. No one would dream of asking them why they haven't/didn't marry.

However if they started talking about filling in forms as if they are married, started referring to partner as DH/DW, then probably yes a few people would be curious as to why they seemed to want to put themselves in a 'married' category but not marry - if the social/financial differences bother you, then - um, just marry?

steff13 · 27/01/2022 13:03

They're asking for your legal marital status. So what is that? Single, right?

venusandmars · 27/01/2022 13:05

The thing I find most irritating is that is if I were separated or divorced then I'd have to declare it. But if I subsequently re-married, then my status is 'married' not divorced and re-married. Surely once I'm divorced I should revert to single?

In term of insurance 'risk' I could have been married and divorced 6 times, but as long as I always remarry I only show up as 'married'.

Dixiechickonhols · 27/01/2022 13:05

Saying DH when not married results in incorrect advice. It’s not a moral judgment it’s a legal status. The DWP worker here was just trying to see if she was eligible for bereavement support allowance aka widows allowance.
www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-7334313/amp/I-never-felt-marriage-important-day-Paolo-died.html

girlmom21 · 27/01/2022 13:09

@Skeumorph that's not what most people have asked

ConstanceL · 27/01/2022 13:11

As a legal category it has to be single if you are not married/divorced etc.

SeasonFinale · 27/01/2022 13:11

I am struggling to understand why you don't know you are single?

AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken · 27/01/2022 13:11

[quote girlmom21]@Skeumorph that's not what most people have asked [/quote]
I agree. It’s fine to be an unmarried couple. It’s a bit odd to refer to the partner as husband when you’re quite against the idea of them actually being your husband though.

RenGreen · 27/01/2022 13:14

Hope you are protected in other ways being unmarried OP.

ViaGellia · 27/01/2022 13:15

@A4513

Not being goady genuine curiosity why people in partnerships wanting to be recognised as partners wouldn’t do this

That's an easy one.

What you're entering into is a legal contract. (Marriage or civil partnership)

That has certain legal advantages e.g. inheritance taxes.

It also automatically has certain legal repurcussions which might not be desirable.

For example: a woman who owns a house and has children and wants her children to inherit upon death. If she marries then new boyfriend would get the lot - or worse, if they both die in the same accident, in most legal jurisdictions the default is the oldest died first, so if she's older than her new husband, his adult DC might inherit the lot away from her own children.

Getting married is a legal contract, and sometimes that works for people, and sometimes it doesn't - it's important to understand what you're entering into from a legal perspective.

The new husband would only 'get the lot' if she didn't have a will. She is perfectly entitled to leave her assets to whoever she likes.

The only circumstances when a will is likely to be successfully challenged is if you do not leave anything to someone who is financially dependent on you (being a cocklodger who is able to work but chooses not to doesn't count).

Divorce/dissolution is the financial risk for the wealthier partner in a marriage/civil partnership. Under those circumstances assets can be at risk but not always, it depends on individual circumstances. So, each person needs to make their own judgement based on the benefits and disadvantages of a legally recognised relationship.

FreedomFaith · 27/01/2022 13:16

@donkeyhottie

I don't understand how you can be unsure about this tbh OP
I don't either. Call him your husband all you want, you're wrong. He's not your husband. He's a boyfriend/partner at worst, fiance at best if he's proposed. That's it. Legally you are single. He is not your husband legally.

This isn't rocket science... I really hope you have finances sorted properly because if you think you'll get everything automatically when he dies, you could be very wrong and may not be next of kin.