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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To stop giving work colleague lifts to work?

516 replies

strawberrylaces1 · 27/01/2022 05:58

I have been at my workplace for 5 years, and a few months one of my colleagues moved house, to my area.

I drive to work each day, and when we were having a chat about her moving, she mentioned the idea of car sharing to work, with her contributing towards the petrol costs. I thought this sounded ok.

At first this worked fine, she gave me petrol money and it was quite nice having the company. But for the past month or so, she’s not given any petrol money, I’ve mentioned it a couple of times and she’s given rubbish excuses about how money is short at the moment. (Which makes no sense, as if I didn’t drive her, she would have to pay for public transport!) She also mentioned that she is saving for a holiday so the financial hardship claim doesn’t really add up Confused

Another thing which is really getting under my skin is that she’s completely stopped saying thank you. When we get to her house and she gets out, she just says goodbye. I know this might seem petty, but I find it incredibly rude.
I get the impression she feels entitled to a lift since we live close by.

AIBU to stop giving her lifts entirely? I feel like I’m being taken advantage of. I am on annual leave until Monday so I want to cut off this arrangement before I’m back at work.

OP posts:
pradavilla · 27/01/2022 10:57

To be honest I'd no longer want to give her a lift as she's been such a cheeky git.

So I'd start making up excuses. I'm going to the other way home tonight as going to gym, mums, shopping. Say u can't take her anymore as ur doing insert made up thing. If ur really brave tell her she's a cheeky fucker who thinks ur clearly a mug because she won't pay u and now ur no longer offering her a lift!

My husband used to give a few folk a lift to work and only took a fiver off each of them for 5 days a week return travel. The bus would have cost about 3times that also taken about 4 times as long lol and obvs doesn't drop u off right at work! He only had a 3 door car and u the clip broke off in the seat with being used so often so u can end up with additional wear and tear on ur car.

Oldandcobwebby · 27/01/2022 10:57

If she was still paying, you are carrying passengers for money or reward. This is something your insurers should definitely be made aware of, because if you had an accident, you may well find yourself uninsured. It really isn't worth the risk.

Babyghirl · 27/01/2022 11:01

Just text and say to her as of Monday when I back I won't be picking you up so you have to make your own way in, if she asks why text back and say my car does not run on water and petrol costs alot more now than what it did and why should I pay you to get to work when I have to pay for myself.

Don't say sorry I can't pick you up no more you have nothing to be sorry for she's the one that should take a red face.

HermioneGrangersHair · 27/01/2022 11:12

@KaptainKaveman

I've just had to bite the bullet and ask someone I know who I always ferry around for a petrol contribution. Not a work colleague but someone whose dc does the same very time consuming hobby which frequently involves long ( up to 2 hours and back again) drives to venues where there is then an entry fee ( sorry I'm trying to be vague so it isn't too outing), sometimes parking costs etc. I have been taking this woman and her dc for years and not once has she offered a single penny Shock. She recently messaged me to ask about upcoming lifts and I said ok but from now on I'd appreciate a petrol contribution. Now I'm stressing about how much to ask for! As a matter of interest, what's the general form for that? a %age of petrol costs? or half what they'd pay in train/bus/taxi costs? TIA.
That is so rude - I am shocked that anyone would expect you to do this - and pay an entry fee when you get there! Don’t stress- they should be paying their way for the DC in entry fees IN FULL plus a contribution of the fuel ( ie half ) and parking - what did they say when you asked ? It’s very telling if they didn’t say yes and then say ‘is a fiver Okay? ‘ or similar. Also don’t forget whilst you are ferrying around and attending these events the other parent is free to do their own thing, you are not!

I’m sure if you google it there will be some kind of fuel / cost per mile calculator you can use, then suggest they pay half plus half the parking and the full entry fees.

@strawberrylaces1
I’d just keep it simple. ‘ I am still happy to keep to our arrangements ...( if you are) ... but you haven’t contributed to fuel as you agreed you would, so if paying something towards fuel isn’t possible I’m going to suggest we don’t travel together anymore’

whatmagicword · 27/01/2022 11:14

Some people are real spongers! Her not paying anything is not on, you have the cost of the fuel plus tax and insurance and the general upkeep of the car, so she should be paying. I would tell her that you don't want to fall out about this, but with rising fuel prices plus your tax and insurance she must fulfil her part of the bargain and if this is not what she wants then she had better start getting the bus.

whatmagicword · 27/01/2022 11:19

@Oldandcobwebby

If she was still paying, you are carrying passengers for money or reward. This is something your insurers should definitely be made aware of, because if you had an accident, you may well find yourself uninsured. It really isn't worth the risk.
Good point and one way to get out of giving her a lift. Tell her you will have to inform the insurance and your premium will increase so she has to pay or get the bus.
GreenerWithTheScenery · 27/01/2022 11:20

Agree with the 'end it now' posters. Giving her the opportunity to pay is just shunting the problem down the line.
She'll pay up and in a months time you'll be back where you are now feeling doubly annoyed.

'This isn't working for me' is all thats needed.

ginghamstarfish · 27/01/2022 11:21

I am always amazed at the number of CFs people encounter, and put up with! Please bin her off OP, and you don't need to make excuses, just as suggested above state that it will not be happening anymore. That leaves the ball in her court. If she is thick enough to not realise why, then you can tell her calmly and honestly.

Iamtired123 · 27/01/2022 11:22

If you live in the same area its not as if it costs you extra petrol money to give her lifts ? You shouldn't have accepted the offer of petrol money in the first place !

MarshaBradyo · 27/01/2022 11:24

Near 100% yanbu which I knew it would be and haven’t rtft

MarshaBradyo · 27/01/2022 11:25

And a yanbu from me too

CallmeHendricks · 27/01/2022 11:25

Who the heck are all these people saying the 'thank you' doesn't matter?

Of course it matters, and the lack of it shows she doesn't appreciate the massive favour you've been doing her. The not paying is just as bad.

whatmagicword · 27/01/2022 11:26

@Iamtired123

If you live in the same area its not as if it costs you extra petrol money to give her lifts ? You shouldn't have accepted the offer of petrol money in the first place !
Meanwhile, the woman gets to work and back for nothing!
FortVictoria · 27/01/2022 11:26

@Iamtired123

If you live in the same area its not as if it costs you extra petrol money to give her lifts ? You shouldn't have accepted the offer of petrol money in the first place !
But it does cost extra. Unless the passenger literally lives on the same street there is a slight diversion to her house (additional petrol) idling (extra petrol use) when picking her up and dropping her off, and the extra petrol used when OP might want to go elsewhere after work but still drives home first to drop off the passenger.
Wendybyrdesmissingconscience · 27/01/2022 11:28

@LottiesLaundry

Tell her politely but ever so firmly that you will no longer offer lifts as you are using the drive to make long distance calls with your family and friends, do an intensive language programme, listen to private self improvement podcasts or such like so you can't have any passengers for this reason.

You could also say that from now on your are not always going straight home but have to go shopping or run errand. Be firm, you do not owe this freeloader anything.

Brilliant advice.
Oldandcobwebby · 27/01/2022 11:32

Further to my previous post about insurance, upthread, if you are insured for social, domestic, pleasure and commuting, your insurance covers you for driving directly to your main place of employment. Once you start deviating from a direct route to pick up your colleague, you are technically no longer commuting, and your insurance may well be invalid. Again, it's not worth the risk.

Oldandcobwebby · 27/01/2022 11:36

This, from the RAC, is sobering reading

www.rac.co.uk/drive/news/motoring-news/giving-your-friends-a-lift-fines/

SalsaLove · 27/01/2022 11:38

@Iamtired123

If you live in the same area its not as if it costs you extra petrol money to give her lifts ? You shouldn't have accepted the offer of petrol money in the first place !
I agree! Surely it’s a nice thing to do and costs you nothing.
TheGratefulBread · 27/01/2022 11:40

YANBU. You had an arrangement, she has reneged on that agreement, by not paying you petrol money. Stop with the lifts.

LoisWilkersonslastnerve · 27/01/2022 11:42

I must be an absolute mug. I've been giving colleagues free lifts for years. Never occurred to me to take money but they are kind enough never to assume I'm taking them and wait until I offer. Big difference. Yanbu

WildfirePonie · 27/01/2022 11:44

I agree! Surely it’s a nice thing to do and costs you nothing.

It's nice. Oh come on, don't be a doormat!

YANBU OP

Yesyesyesno · 27/01/2022 11:45

1. Text her to say you owe me X and if you give it to me on Y date, I will give you a lift. I need petrol a week in advance, so Z pounds+ arrears

Agree with this and if she doesn’t send it/makes an excuse just a cheery “No problem! See you at work”

WetLookKnitwear · 27/01/2022 11:45

Stop the lifts. She’s an idiot to blow a good situation though.

Branleuse · 27/01/2022 11:49

Id just not turn up. Block her number. She will probably then ask you at work in person and you could just say you thought she couldnt afford the lifts anymore and was making their own way in. Youre not a charity. You dont mind helping in the short term but if its costing you money and you dont even get any thanks for it, you just assumed you werent needed as much

MrKlaw · 27/01/2022 11:50

It does cost you a little more petrol, a little more wear and tear, a little more of your time waiting for them, a little less flexibility every day because they’re depending on you

Its a nice thing to do but absolutely not free in either money or time and should be compensated