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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To stop giving work colleague lifts to work?

516 replies

strawberrylaces1 · 27/01/2022 05:58

I have been at my workplace for 5 years, and a few months one of my colleagues moved house, to my area.

I drive to work each day, and when we were having a chat about her moving, she mentioned the idea of car sharing to work, with her contributing towards the petrol costs. I thought this sounded ok.

At first this worked fine, she gave me petrol money and it was quite nice having the company. But for the past month or so, she’s not given any petrol money, I’ve mentioned it a couple of times and she’s given rubbish excuses about how money is short at the moment. (Which makes no sense, as if I didn’t drive her, she would have to pay for public transport!) She also mentioned that she is saving for a holiday so the financial hardship claim doesn’t really add up Confused

Another thing which is really getting under my skin is that she’s completely stopped saying thank you. When we get to her house and she gets out, she just says goodbye. I know this might seem petty, but I find it incredibly rude.
I get the impression she feels entitled to a lift since we live close by.

AIBU to stop giving her lifts entirely? I feel like I’m being taken advantage of. I am on annual leave until Monday so I want to cut off this arrangement before I’m back at work.

OP posts:
INeedNewShoes · 27/01/2022 10:09

If she replies asking 'why?' you can just say that it's not convenient anymore.

EmbarrassingHadrosaurus · 27/01/2022 10:11

But, having given lifts for several months, I think it's a bit off to leave your colleague in the lurch at such short notice. Better to give a week or two notice

So that the colleague has the time to accrue more unpaid arrears?

coodawoodashooda · 27/01/2022 10:13

You sound lovely.

Cheeseandlobster · 27/01/2022 10:14

You ideally need to sort this before you go on annual leave or it will just be hanging over you. I haven't been able to read the full thread but I would go with the making family calls excuse combined with not going straight home. And if she asks, no you can't drop her off enroute

Dixiechickonhols · 27/01/2022 10:15

I’d message and say you won’t be giving her a lift from Monday.
I wouldn’t make excuses.
It’s only going to irritate you if you carry on.
She’s obviously able to get there if you are on leave.
If she’s frosty I’d ignore but I wouldn’t tolerate any bad mouthing - you’ve been kind enough to chauffeur her for free door to door.

YanTanTetheraPetheraPimp · 27/01/2022 10:18

Presumably she’s managed to get herself to work whilst you’re off?
I’d simply say ‘See you sometime’ and if she asks for a lift say that sorry, it’s not convenient.
Good luck!

DrManhattan · 27/01/2022 10:18

Don't worry about hurting their feelings, they care F* all about yours !

c190 · 27/01/2022 10:21

This is so cheeky! I would have no hesitation telling her I couldn't take her in any more.

I used to give a work colleague a lift - I saw her once at a bus stop on the way in. The weather was awful so I pulled over and offered her a lift. I then found out that her buses had changed and she had to go way past work, change buses and come back again (previously her first bus went past work, so she would have got a later one which is why I'd never seen her there before). What was a 5 minute drive became a 1 hour bus journey, with a change. She never expected a lift - I offered, and she used to make sure she was at the bus stop for me to pick her up. She offered me petrol money and I refused, as it was on my way anyway, it was only the last 5 minutes of the journey etc. But she insisted as she said she'd have to pay for the bus anyway. And she bought me some wine to say thank you as well. And the bigger key in all of my story is that she fitted around me. I went in way earlier than she needed to, but she never expected me to change anything. If I was taking her home again, she would ask when I was finishing and would make sure she was ready when I needed to leave. She was lovely. Unlike your cf!

MaudieandMe · 27/01/2022 10:21

Just be crystal clear with her.

“We agreed to a lift sharing arrangement on the basis you contribute towards the costs but as you have made excuses not to pay me for the past month, I’ve decided to end the arrangement and you’ll need to make your own way to work in future.”

Factual and to the point without unnecessary fluff.

Cantleave · 27/01/2022 10:27

Message her now (so she has time to make alternative arrangements) just saying that you can’t give her a lift anymore! She will probably ask why, but just say it no longer works for you. Do not get into a discussion over it with her. If she tries to push further, or asks if it is because she hasn’t been paying, just repeat that it no longer works for you, end of!

hivemindneeded · 27/01/2022 10:27

You're entitled to text her and say - We agreed you'd way a share of petrol. Money is tight for all of us and I feel taken for granted that I am doing you a favour daily when you can't even be bothered to pay your way. Please give me the money you owe tomorrow. Then, once you have the money she already owes, you can decide whether or not to continue or whether the arrangement no longer suits you.

Some people take others for granted and feel the world owes them. You don't need to support this world view!

ThisIsStartingToBoreMe · 27/01/2022 10:30

Lyings wrong. You're not actually supposed to lie.

Anyway, OP - just tell her you're not giving her a lift anymore because she's not paying you anymore! Nothing wrong with that.

CelestiaNoctis · 27/01/2022 10:30

You don't need a reason. Just hey X sorry but giving you a lift doesn't work for me anymore, I'm not going to be able to do that after my annual leave. Honestly she's the rude one and has been taking you for a right mug. She doesn't deserve you to be that nice or friendly anymore.

coodawoodashooda · 27/01/2022 10:31

@c190

This is so cheeky! I would have no hesitation telling her I couldn't take her in any more.

I used to give a work colleague a lift - I saw her once at a bus stop on the way in. The weather was awful so I pulled over and offered her a lift. I then found out that her buses had changed and she had to go way past work, change buses and come back again (previously her first bus went past work, so she would have got a later one which is why I'd never seen her there before). What was a 5 minute drive became a 1 hour bus journey, with a change. She never expected a lift - I offered, and she used to make sure she was at the bus stop for me to pick her up. She offered me petrol money and I refused, as it was on my way anyway, it was only the last 5 minutes of the journey etc. But she insisted as she said she'd have to pay for the bus anyway. And she bought me some wine to say thank you as well. And the bigger key in all of my story is that she fitted around me. I went in way earlier than she needed to, but she never expected me to change anything. If I was taking her home again, she would ask when I was finishing and would make sure she was ready when I needed to leave. She was lovely. Unlike your cf!

Yeah I think when someone is a decent person it is so unexpected when someone apparently decent turns out to be a cheeky fkr.
CelestiaNoctis · 27/01/2022 10:31

Oh also a good reason, not that need it like I said, is that she's not paying you so you can't afford to ferry a free passenger.

SpiderinaWingMirror · 27/01/2022 10:33

The absolute best thing is NOT to mention the money.
I had a cheeky fucker of a colleague who I literally contemplated just driving into the oncoming traffic to avoid. She also was flaky about the payment.
I literally just said "I am not picking you up from Monday" and stuck to it.

MeredithGreyishblue · 27/01/2022 10:39

Stop being a doormat and respect yourself.

I'm not picking you up from Monday. It doesn't work for me anymore.

End

She doesn't give a stuff about you!!

3rdtimemama3 · 27/01/2022 10:41

You see, I’m quite passive and hate confrontation so probably on the next lift take her to the petrol station first and see if she offers, if not, make up reasons not give lifts. If you feel up to it, just tell her it isn’t working out and she needs to make her own way to and from work now

Lookforwardtosummer · 27/01/2022 10:42

Stop giving her lifts.

SunflowerTed · 27/01/2022 10:49

@DreamerSeven

I’d knock it on the head with a text saying “Hi, just to let you know I’m not going to be able to give you lifts any more, am telling you now so you’ve got time to make other arrangements” If pressed, just give a vague “I’m juggling a few things at the moment and can’t take on any extra commitments, however minor they may appear to others”.
Perfect! Go with this
NoraEphronsNeck · 27/01/2022 10:50

I've been here with school runs where we did generally take it in turn, but they were constantly late both whether it was my turn or theirs - which really stressed out my own DC.
Ours came to an abrupt end when it was their turn but they never turned up, so I drove around to theirs (few streets away) to be told that they weren't going in today as they were going on holiday later that day and had been trying to have a lie-in!
We didn't fall out, we just never spoke of it again Grin

Feedingthebirds1 · 27/01/2022 10:52

Use this as the right time to say you're not doing lifts any more. I wouldn't go down the 'if you don't pay up now I'll stop', because even if she coughs up for December/January she could pull the same stunt again another time. Bring it to an end now and save yourself the hassle of the lift, and the constant worry that she might not pay.

Sloth66 · 27/01/2022 10:53

Would you be happy to give her lifts if she paid and thanked you? If so, I’d tell her that. But if you’ve had a enough anyway, you could just say it’s not convenient any more. You don’t need to say more.

anyhue · 27/01/2022 10:55

I regularly give a colleague (or two) lifts to work. They are much younger than me, earn less money, and it's on my way so it's no problem.

I will say that they always always say thank you. They are always on time. So I'd never feel taken advantage of, and that's the difference.

But I also most never give them a lift home too, our end of work times often differs, I've other things to do, etc.

iamnlhfss · 27/01/2022 10:55

Bin her off. It's beyond cheeky.
She's saving for her holiday by saving on paying for transport to work.
Yes, things may be financially tight for her but that is not your problem and if things are that bad she can stop saving for the holiday.....or even use some of the saved money to pay for transport to get to work.
She is a freeloader. Why the fuck should you lose out so she can go on holiday?

Just send her a simple message saying that as of Monday you won't be able to give her a lift any more as the arrangement no longer works for you.

These car share arrangements are all well and good but there are so many problems with them.
In my last workplace a colleague lived around the corner from me but I still went in on the train. Sometimes if we happened to be leaving work at the same time she'd offer to give me a lift and that was nice as we enjoyed each other's company. That sort of thing can work, but not day in and day out. It means you can't pop somewhere after work to do errands or visit someone on the way home or whatever.