To stop giving work colleague lifts to work?

[strawberrylaces1]

I have been at my workplace for 5 years, and a few months one of my colleagues moved house, to my area.

I drive to work each day, and when we were having a chat about her moving, she mentioned the idea of car sharing to work, with her contributing towards the petrol costs. I thought this sounded ok.

At first this worked fine, she gave me petrol money and it was quite nice having the company. But for the past month or so, she’s not given any petrol money, I’ve mentioned it a couple of times and she’s given rubbish excuses about how money is short at the moment. (Which makes no sense, as if I didn’t drive her, she would have to pay for public transport!) She also mentioned that she is saving for a holiday so the financial hardship claim doesn’t really add up

Another thing which is really getting under my skin is that she’s completely stopped saying thank you. When we get to her house and she gets out, she just says goodbye. I know this might seem petty, but I find it incredibly rude.
I get the impression she feels entitled to a lift since we live close by.

AIBU to stop giving her lifts entirely? I feel like I’m being taken advantage of. I am on annual leave until Monday so I want to cut off this arrangement before I’m back at work.

@NewPapaGuinea

I’d be upfront and say tell her if she’s not going to hold up her side of the arrangement then the lifts will stop. Put the ball back in her court.

This ⬆️

Don’t mess with avoidance or excuses, you’ll tie yourself in knots.

Cheeky cow. I would just not turn up😳

I would message her and ask for the money owed per arrangement .See how she responds and take it from there , if she gives you a date when she can pay for instance you might want to give her a last chance .You are not being unreasonable though .She's taking advantage and I don't see why she still can't say thanks ,it's just politeness .

I had a similar issue only said person didn't ever offer money as I had to go that way home anyway. On days when she finished before me she wouldn't wait for me so my lifts were strictly a convenience for her. In the end I put a stop to it as I was dropping my child early to the childminders to pick up said friend so she got to time when she wanted.
Should you really be giving her a lift anyway with COVID?

@winterchills

Cheeky cow. I would just not turn up😳

Exactly

I use to have a lift from a colleague ,she use to drive straight past my house .One day she didn't turn up ,I thought she was sick or something . Luckily I managed to get to work on time by catching the bus .
I was shocked to see her ,I can't remember what was said ( it was a long time ago )but to be honest I was just happier getting to and from work on my own from then on ,not relying on anyone .She was probably happier not being tied down to the arrangement too and I can see that .Maybe she didn't know how to get out of it.

@restingbitchface30

If you aren’t going out of your way at all I’m not sure what the problem is. If you have to go out of your way a little then she’s taking advantage slightly. I get a lift from my friend/colleague 3 days but he goes straight past my house. I’m not giving him money because he doesn’t go out of his way at all. I’ll buy him a few beers once in a while as a thank you. But I guess I only get a lift 3 mornings a week (never after work) and we are friends outside of work.

So entitled.

Someone in my team keeps trying to initiate a lift sharing scheme at work.
This thread so clearly explains the reasons I am strongly discouraging that as an employer we have any involvement.

She's taking the piss OP, and in plain sight too by talking about saving for a holiday. It shows little respect. On a Thursday, tell her that on that Friday she needs to bring in the money for next week's petrol costs or you're not picking her up from work the following Monday.

The first week she didn’t pay you should have said something

Going with you saves her lots

She’s cheeky to say money tight

It is fir all

If she drove herself she would have to pay fir the petrol

Or train bus a ticket

Not saying thank you is rude. You’re not being petty. Esp as she’s not paying!!

As you will still be working with her I'd be polite but firm: 'I'm so sorry but my personal schedule is changing quite a bit and I am no longer able to accommodate taking you to and from work. It was great fun though. If something changes again at some point in future I will of course let you know. Looking forward to catching up at work.'

@echt

Two avenues:

1. Text her to say you owe me X and if you give it to me on Y date, I will give you a lift. I need petrol a week in advance, so Z pounds+ arrears.

1. She's shown herself to be an arsehole, why would you want to be in the same car as her? so bin her off

This is sound common sense

I found myself in the same position. Just said I didn’t feel comfortable given covid. Now she sponges of someone else

Even if she starts paying you now, don't start again. Use this as a new start. Just say you have things to do and want more flexibility in your journeys. Cave in now and you will find this situation will only flare up again later.

I wouldn't text her saying she owes you x amount because she has proved herself to be untrustworthy and you will just end up in the same position in another couple of months.

Send her a message tomorrow letting her know that the car share isn't working for you anymore. You don't owe her an explanation.

She made her own travel arrangements since you have been on annual leave so she is not reliant on you.

Stay light and breezy OP. No excuses or explanations are required.

You have to work with this person so avoid the comments to tell her straight.

Send her a text saying sorry but you cannot continue with the lift arrangement as you have some family commitments to deal with and can’t be sure you will be going straight home each day. Take care ..

@whirlycarly

Someone in my team keeps trying to initiate a lift sharing scheme at work. This thread so clearly explains the reasons I am strongly discouraging that as an employer we have any involvement.

Carshares are actually a good idea, provided the rules are laid down. Honestly it would be a good idea if you got involved and recommended 'ground rules'. You know like those signs in toilets saying 'please don't smoke or stand on the seat. 'Please have respect for your driver and pay what you owe'.

I work at an out of the way site and if everyone drove there'd be no parking space, hence there are lift sharing spots. People have a lot of common sense though. I just passed my test and can't wait to take my turn driving.. previously I bought my colleague a coffee when he drove

@restingbitchface30

If you aren’t going out of your way at all I’m not sure what the problem is. If you have to go out of your way a little then she’s taking advantage slightly. I get a lift from my friend/colleague 3 days but he goes straight past my house. I’m not giving him money because he doesn’t go out of his way at all. I’ll buy him a few beers once in a while as a thank you. But I guess I only get a lift 3 mornings a week (never after work) and we are friends outside of work.

I absolutely guarantee that your colleague is annoyed with you

@LibranNan

I use to have a lift from a colleague ,she use to drive straight past my house .One day she didn't turn up ,I thought she was sick or something . Luckily I managed to get to work on time by catching the bus . I was shocked to see her ,I can't remember what was said ( it was a long time ago )but to be honest I was just happier getting to and from work on my own from then on ,not relying on anyone .She was probably happier not being tied down to the arrangement too and I can see that .Maybe she didn't know how to get out of it.

Waiting for the colleague to post a thread about his CF workmate.

Sorry for not checking in sooner - had a lovely busy couple of days, and didn’t expect quite so many replies

I am going to send her a text tomorrow morning, using a variation of the suggestion from @ferretface . “Hi [name], we originally agreed that I could give you a lift in exchange for a contribution towards petrol money. You have stopped providing this and as a result I feel taken advantage of. I'm afraid I can't offer a lift any more.”

It isn’t solely about the money, but it does cost me quite a bit each month to get to work, and it feels unfair she should have 0 travel costs for work while I’m paying a lot for petrol/having a car. I do just feel taken advantage of - it was nice having someone to chat to, but I miss having the time to myself before and after work to be honest, and it doesn’t feel like a very good trade off anymore.

I won’t be leaving her in the lurch really - she had to get public transport this week, it’s do-able, just obviously not as convenient as by car. But I feel fed up with it now, even if she offers petrol money when I send the text tomorrow, I feel the arrangement has been soured a bit.

Still have a few pages of replies to catch up on and I will update with how tomorrow goes.

Agree with minimal explanation and just saying that the car share is no longer working for you. If she asks why just say that the reasons are personal ones that you don't want to discuss. It's not as though she's your best friend so your reasons are none of her business.

Good luck! I hope she responds graciously.

Hope it goes ok, but be prepared for push back. I remember a similar thread quite a while ago where the pisstaker complained to their manager that they couldn't get to work on time unless the OP gave them a lift. The manager was demanding that the OP did it. I don't remember the outcome. Does anyone else remember that thread?

I remember that thread but can’t remember the outcome ! That will annoy me now !