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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To stop giving work colleague lifts to work?

516 replies

strawberrylaces1 · 27/01/2022 05:58

I have been at my workplace for 5 years, and a few months one of my colleagues moved house, to my area.

I drive to work each day, and when we were having a chat about her moving, she mentioned the idea of car sharing to work, with her contributing towards the petrol costs. I thought this sounded ok.

At first this worked fine, she gave me petrol money and it was quite nice having the company. But for the past month or so, she’s not given any petrol money, I’ve mentioned it a couple of times and she’s given rubbish excuses about how money is short at the moment. (Which makes no sense, as if I didn’t drive her, she would have to pay for public transport!) She also mentioned that she is saving for a holiday so the financial hardship claim doesn’t really add up Confused

Another thing which is really getting under my skin is that she’s completely stopped saying thank you. When we get to her house and she gets out, she just says goodbye. I know this might seem petty, but I find it incredibly rude.
I get the impression she feels entitled to a lift since we live close by.

AIBU to stop giving her lifts entirely? I feel like I’m being taken advantage of. I am on annual leave until Monday so I want to cut off this arrangement before I’m back at work.

OP posts:
SnotRags · 28/01/2022 09:48

God I hate non-drivers who think they have the right to use everyone else as a free taxi. Tell her to get the bus

Migrainesbythedozen · 28/01/2022 10:25

Any news OP?

Ikeptgoing · 28/01/2022 10:40

It's not a car share though is it? It's you giving her lifts to and from work every day and she's stopped even contributing towards petrol

So. I'd say to her it's your turn to do the lifts, please pick me up for the next 2-3 months

Or- if she had no car- then "Giving you lifts to and from the office each day isn't working for me. So today is the last one"

Don't say any more than that. Just leave it be
If you hear her gossiping then say what you said here, 'she took advantage, didn't contribute towards petrol even and didn't even say thanks. '

SVlover · 28/01/2022 14:57

If you really can't gather up the courage to be completely honest, tell her that you are not insured to give a lift to someone on a regular basis (you checked with your insurance company when you were updating policy and it will be an extra 125 a year, or something like that, to travel to an from a place of work and transport colleagues).....

pictish · 28/01/2022 15:16

Just say it’s too much of a bind. Say it’s nothing personal but you’ve decided you want free reign before and after work and that lift giving, no matter who it is, restricts you.

pictish · 28/01/2022 15:18

I’ve been asked to provide a regular lift/car share arrangement at my workplace a couple of times. I politely declined stating that it was nothing personal (it wasn’t) but I didn’t want the bind (I absolutely don’t).
They took it well.

pictish · 28/01/2022 15:21

@SVlover

If you really can't gather up the courage to be completely honest, tell her that you are not insured to give a lift to someone on a regular basis (you checked with your insurance company when you were updating policy and it will be an extra 125 a year, or something like that, to travel to an from a place of work and transport colleagues).....
Don’t say this. 1. It’s a lie. 2. It would make you look a dick.
Whammyyammy · 28/01/2022 15:24

Why lie? Just tell her the truth. She's talking the mickey and ungrateful.

Yogalola · 28/01/2022 17:33

Just say you are unable to give a a lift in future, you don’t owe her a reason. Text the message then you won’t need to answer if she asks why

Plumbuddle · 28/01/2022 17:39

@Yogalola

Just say you are unable to give a a lift in future, you don’t owe her a reason. Text the message then you won’t need to answer if she asks why
That text idea is good, so you don't have to engage in anything or reveal any body language.

I agree with posters who say the colleague is a CF but you do have to live with them during working hours so best to reveal as little as possible

SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 28/01/2022 17:40

DH is in a similar situation. He gives a lift to someone from work, which involves a small detour. No petrol money has ever been offered. I realise DH could put his big boy pants on and address it, but not my business, so. I did think there might be have been a present at Crimbo to recognise how much time it saves colleague, and obviously money, but not a sausage. I wouldn't be doing it in those circumstances.

Rachand23 · 28/01/2022 17:43

From an insurance point of view your unable to give her lifts anymore. Simple

restingbitchface30 · 28/01/2022 17:49

If you aren’t going out of your way at all I’m not sure what the problem is. If you have to go out of your way a little then she’s taking advantage slightly. I get a lift from my friend/colleague 3 days but he goes straight past my house. I’m not giving him money because he doesn’t go out of his way at all. I’ll buy him a few beers once in a while as a thank you. But I guess I only get a lift 3 mornings a week (never after work) and we are friends outside of work.

ilovepixie · 28/01/2022 17:49

How's she getting to work this week?

Nowmum43 · 28/01/2022 17:52

@restingbitchface30

If you aren’t going out of your way at all I’m not sure what the problem is. If you have to go out of your way a little then she’s taking advantage slightly. I get a lift from my friend/colleague 3 days but he goes straight past my house. I’m not giving him money because he doesn’t go out of his way at all. I’ll buy him a few beers once in a while as a thank you. But I guess I only get a lift 3 mornings a week (never after work) and we are friends outside of work.
But why should they pay to get to work and you go for free? How would you get there if you didn't get a lift? How much would it cost you? I may not cost them any extra taking you but they have to pay petrol to get you both to work. I'd re think your situation and be a bit more generous than a few beers every now and then!
flashy44 · 28/01/2022 17:52

She is taking you for granted,this is what happens when you give someone an inch they will always take a mile.

Fatmax22 · 28/01/2022 17:53

13 pages of this and Op last posted on page 1 Grin

COPPER3 · 28/01/2022 17:58

I feel for you my dear. She is taking the piss! I've had this happen to me...you are just taken for a mug in the end. Please be strong and put your boundaries in. Just as the other posters have said, be honest and say that you need the money for petrol.

The lack of a 'thank you' is so damn rude too!

Thehop · 28/01/2022 18:01

“Hi, just getting ready to go back to work on Monday and wanted to let you know god time that i can’t give you lifts to/from work anymore. Have a good weekend, see you Monday”

Thehop · 28/01/2022 18:01

In good time

Bravoecholima · 28/01/2022 18:03

I’ve been caught up in this scenario-never offered a penny or given a thank you and she turned out to be a racist bigot. It only ended when I was able to start cycling to work again when both my kids were at school. I’d now hesitate to get stuck with any arrangement that had no clear end point to it or no clear expectations beforehand.

Fluffmum · 28/01/2022 18:07

No cash no lift

Sausagehead · 28/01/2022 18:09

The no thank you would drive me mad. I think it should trip off the tongue no matter what. I expect my children to say it obvious give them anything or do anything for them. It's just the norm. They are saving up for their holiday off the back of you!

Plumbuddle · 28/01/2022 18:09

I disagree with the poster who says you are not putting yourself out of your way.
(1) you may want to be with your own thoughts or peacefully listen to the radio
(2) you may want to do errands on the way there or back
(3) most importantly, if you have an accident which does any harm to her then she will be happy to sue you or claim on your insurance if she thinks it's your fault. Also somebody said insurance was irrelevant and mentioning it made you look a dick, but insurance quotes are actually different if you use the vehicle for work purposes.

bagpuss90 · 28/01/2022 18:14

Manners cost nothing but they get you far …