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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To stop giving work colleague lifts to work?

516 replies

strawberrylaces1 · 27/01/2022 05:58

I have been at my workplace for 5 years, and a few months one of my colleagues moved house, to my area.

I drive to work each day, and when we were having a chat about her moving, she mentioned the idea of car sharing to work, with her contributing towards the petrol costs. I thought this sounded ok.

At first this worked fine, she gave me petrol money and it was quite nice having the company. But for the past month or so, she’s not given any petrol money, I’ve mentioned it a couple of times and she’s given rubbish excuses about how money is short at the moment. (Which makes no sense, as if I didn’t drive her, she would have to pay for public transport!) She also mentioned that she is saving for a holiday so the financial hardship claim doesn’t really add up Confused

Another thing which is really getting under my skin is that she’s completely stopped saying thank you. When we get to her house and she gets out, she just says goodbye. I know this might seem petty, but I find it incredibly rude.
I get the impression she feels entitled to a lift since we live close by.

AIBU to stop giving her lifts entirely? I feel like I’m being taken advantage of. I am on annual leave until Monday so I want to cut off this arrangement before I’m back at work.

OP posts:
luckylavender · 27/01/2022 17:13

Just tell her it doesn't work for you anymore.

UserError012345 · 27/01/2022 17:14

YANBU.

How far is the journey to work ? Do you have to pay for parking ? Do you pick her up from her house ? Is it far from your house ?

Mistymoors · 27/01/2022 17:20

I stop this immediately, she’s taking advantage of your good nature!

affairsofdragons · 27/01/2022 17:25

Just tell her you don't want to car share anymore as she's rude and hasn't contributed as promised. You're not going to chase her, so you're just done.

rwalker · 27/01/2022 17:36

@OurChristmasMiracle

I wouldn’t even go into why “hi x I’m just letting you know that I am no longer able to offer you lifts and you will need to make your own arrangements to get to and from work”

No reason. No discussion.

Perfect the thing is you still have to work together so no need for drama .
NotSorry · 27/01/2022 17:36

@IncompleteSenten

I found this and many other articles - PP is right

www.themoneyedit.com/insurance/car-insurance/could-car-sharing-invalidate-your-insurance

godmum56 · 27/01/2022 17:46

[quote NotSorry]@IncompleteSenten

I found this and many other articles - PP is right

www.themoneyedit.com/insurance/car-insurance/could-car-sharing-invalidate-your-insurance[/quote]
I think that refers to signing up for a lift sharing website rather than an informal agreement to assist a colleague

IncompleteSenten · 27/01/2022 17:48

That is talking about lift sharing websites and profit making.

I meant a clause that says you can't ask for petrol money from a friend or colleague if you give them a lift.

AcrossthePond55 · 27/01/2022 18:21

I think what you say depends on what you want. So the first thing you need to decide is if you'd still be happy to continue the lifts if she hadn't stopped paying you. If so, you can tell her she needs to pay up on time for rides to continue. But if after thinking it over you decide that it's not worth the bother, then just say it no longer works for you, period.

I carpooled with someone and it started off fine, but after awhile she started arriving to pick me up late and/or wasn't ready when it was my turn to drive so I had to wait. As a result we started arriving late to work. I got to the point where I was sick of it but after a bit of thought I realized that the carpooling really wasn't working all that great for me anyway as it tied me down to her schedule (and vice versa). I couldn't spontaneously take off early if I was driving because I needed to be there to drive her home. If an emergency happened and she was driving I had to get my parents to come pick me up. So I just said "It's not working" rather than "You need to be on time to continue the arrangement".

nothankyouverymuchly · 27/01/2022 18:53

@MarshaBradyo

Yep I agree don’t get into money

Just rip the plaster and text it’s no longer working for me etc

This!
SheldonesqueTheBstard · 27/01/2022 18:56

No need for explanations. Or excuses. Or lies.

Just give her the heads up on Friday that the arrangement will not be continuing going forward. No drama.

Christmas miracle has it.

coodawoodashooda · 27/01/2022 19:22

Yeah what happened?

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 27/01/2022 19:58

‘It’s not working for me’, is IMO a daft MN cliche.

Much better to say (perhaps more politely) ‘You agreed to pay, but you seem to think this is now optional. I don’t like being taken for a mug, so the lifts will now stop,’.

MarshaBradyo · 27/01/2022 20:02

@GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER

‘It’s not working for me’, is IMO a daft MN cliche. Much better to say (perhaps more politely) ‘You agreed to pay, but you seem to think this is now optional. I don’t like being taken for a mug, so the lifts will now stop,’.
Tbf I’ve not been in this position for a long time ie dealing with someone taking the p

But I don’t think I’d get into it much and would just say it’s stopping in some form

Mary46 · 27/01/2022 20:10

Op I got caught too a one off favour drop kid home after sport. Then she wanted lifts to away games.. I just said no. Covid and car mixing not ideal. So maybe use that one! I dont hear from her since

expensiveshite · 27/01/2022 20:49

That so infuriating! I used to give a lift to a work colleague who was on my way. Didn't expect any money as it gave me company for the 15min walk from the staff car park. However she was perpetually late and I kept having to pay for a closer carpark. She never offered to pay, despite it being entirely her fault. Podcasts are much less hassle.

WiddlinDiddlin · 27/01/2022 21:06

Pft..

Tonight 'Hi x, can you bank transfer me x for your petrol/parking contribution, im struggling to fill up the car this month...'

Two days later, regardless of the response to request for payment: 'On reflection, I think I prefer some quiet 'me' time before and after work, sorry if that makes me a bit of a nob but I need to look after myself. You'll need to find your own way to and from work from x date. See you at work! :D '

With any luck, money got AND obligation to ferry her about ended!

LondonQueen · 27/01/2022 21:46

I've been in this situation and they would follow me to my car, never got a penny out of them, I told them my morning routine had changed and I no longer went their way, mornings have been bliss now.

Bbq1 · 27/01/2022 22:27

@LottiesLaundry

Tell her politely but ever so firmly that you will no longer offer lifts as you are using the drive to make long distance calls with your family and friends, do an intensive language programme, listen to private self improvement podcasts or such like so you can't have any passengers for this reason.

You could also say that from now on your are not always going straight home but have to go shopping or run errand. Be firm, you do not owe this freeloader anything.

Rather than creating elaborate, outlandish excuses why not just, you know try being honest? Tell her that you need X amount of money towards petrol or you can no longer share. That gives her Ann opportunity to start paying up. If not stop giving her lifts.

Do you take her to and from her door? Are you going out of your way to do this? I just think it's a bit strange demanding petrol money if it's not adding to your journey. I had a colleague who I no longer work with who insisted on taking me home to my door every night despite it adding time to her journey. I now have a colleague who drops me halfway home 3 nights a week. I have offered petrol money to both colleagues but they have refused to take it, I am extremely grateful for any lifts and always say Thank you. Every so often I buy them nice flowers or chocolates as a Thank you.
Do you genuinely need the petrol money?

2bazookas · 27/01/2022 23:20

As she gets out of the car on a Friday, just say " Susan, this arrangement isn't working , so I won't be driving you any more after today".
You don't need to offer any excuses, reasons or explanation. If she argues or asks why, you just say " I have to go now, or I'll be late".

2022NameChange · 27/01/2022 23:38

I'd stop, and I would just say something like "Since I've been on holiday, I've been thinking and making plans for 2022. Our family priorities have to change therefore I will be unable to continue offering you lifts from X date"
I hate direct confrontation, but this isn't a total lie. YOUR priorities have changed, you can't keep giving lifts

JacquelineCarlyle · 27/01/2022 23:40

I'd text her to say it won't be happening from Monday - no excuses.

She can obviously get to work without you if she's managed it this week when you're on holiday, so I wouldn't give it another thought.

MrKlaw · 28/01/2022 07:12

Its very hard to say you need the money or will stop. even if you think you’re friendly with the other person, it can rapidly deteriorate into ‘its hardly any money’, ‘didn’t think it was that important’, ‘sorry if I’m putting you out (sarcastic)’ etc.

The money isn’t a big thing, but it is a thing - its a semi-token gesture to help cover the overall ‘cost’ which is part financial but part mental. Its all additional mental load for you to handle on the commute which is also a time you ideally want least mental load.

A good friend should appreciate that but as always, asking for money can get people defensive and that can lead to arguments - even if the reasons are totally valid

Sagaris · 28/01/2022 08:46

Any updates OP? Have you contacted her yet?

StoneofDestiny · 28/01/2022 09:09

The lack of a 'thank you' would irk me just as much a not paying. I'd text and say that you will not be driving her to and from work anymore when you return from leave. No further explanation required (unless you want to add that she owes you £££ for all the trips you gave her)