To stop giving work colleague lifts to work?

[strawberrylaces1]

I have been at my workplace for 5 years, and a few months one of my colleagues moved house, to my area.

I drive to work each day, and when we were having a chat about her moving, she mentioned the idea of car sharing to work, with her contributing towards the petrol costs. I thought this sounded ok.

At first this worked fine, she gave me petrol money and it was quite nice having the company. But for the past month or so, she’s not given any petrol money, I’ve mentioned it a couple of times and she’s given rubbish excuses about how money is short at the moment. (Which makes no sense, as if I didn’t drive her, she would have to pay for public transport!) She also mentioned that she is saving for a holiday so the financial hardship claim doesn’t really add up

Another thing which is really getting under my skin is that she’s completely stopped saying thank you. When we get to her house and she gets out, she just says goodbye. I know this might seem petty, but I find it incredibly rude.
I get the impression she feels entitled to a lift since we live close by.

AIBU to stop giving her lifts entirely? I feel like I’m being taken advantage of. I am on annual leave until Monday so I want to cut off this arrangement before I’m back at work.

If it was me I would text, and say the arrangement doesn't really work for me anymore, and I would prefer the commute time to myself.

She will then inevitably ask if it's something she has done, or ask why?

To this, I would reply ' No, nothing '.

If this other woman gets huffy or difficult, they really don't have a leg to stand on, they have been getting lifts for months, it isn't your responsibility to get them to work and back. This person isn't your friend , they are a CF and if they never speak to you again it's not going to be a huge loss, is it?

"Hi [name], we originally agreed that I could give you a lift in exchange for a contribution towards petrol money. You have stopped providing this and as a result I feel taken advantage of. I'm afraid I can't offer a lift any more."

I would stop giving her lifts simply because it has to be an arrangement which works for both of you and it doesn’t. She’s acting as if she’s entitled to daily collections and drop offs, to the extent that it no longer warrants her contributing to costs or even saying thank you. She’s thoughtless and getting complacent. She’s also getting used to not putting aside travel money because her return commute is now entirely free. What a CF.

I don’t think you need to make up an excuse for why you no longer want to continue car sharing as this simply gives her an opportunity to debate it / ask questions about when your imaginary obstruction ends.

I would simply say, ‘Hi x. I’m not going to able to continue to drop you to and from work when I get back from my holiday. Just wanted to give you a heads up so you have a few days to plan transport. See you on Monday!’

You may well get an aggrieved reply - after all, her CFery has been brought to an abrupt end - but if she has the audacity to question you, remember that it’s your car and she’s stopped contributing without any apology so she has absolutely no right at all to demand that you give her an explanation. Tell her the arrangement to car share isn’t working for you.

You seem nice and kind. She’s a cheeky bugger.

if you do cancel her lifts, be aware that (if shes a total bitch) she may report you for running a taxi service without proper licensing

Come on now...

Great replies on here. It doesn’t cost you nothing to get into work. It didn’t cost her nothing when she was making her own way. Why does she think she’s entitled to having free transport suddenly?

Sooner or later she’ll be having a lovely holiday - funded partly by you!! That’s really gonna sting if you carry on transporting her.

Keep your text as brief as possible. "Hi, just to let you know, I won't be able to give you lifts when I'm back at work." Do it ASAP.

@ferretface

"Hi [name], we originally agreed that I could give you a lift in exchange for a contribution towards petrol money. You have stopped providing this and as a result I feel taken advantage of. I'm afraid I can't offer a lift any more."

This is the best response IMO.

She's the unreasonable one. Put a stop to lifts.

"Hi [name], we originally agreed that I could give you a lift in exchange for a contribution towards petrol money. You have stopped providing this and as a result I feel taken advantage of. I'm afraid I can't offer a lift any more."

Totally agree this is the best response.

@EmbarrassingHadrosaurus

But, having given lifts for several months, I think it's a bit off to leave your colleague in the lurch at such short notice. Better to give a week or two notice

So that the colleague has the time to accrue more unpaid arrears?

OP's been off this week. I wonder how the CF got herself into work? She obviously has an alternative, but it's probably one she has to pay for, and will no doubt be relying on OP being a mug, so she gets lifts without paying anything.

Plus, if you decide to carry on, (Don't) I hope she is ready & standing by the side of the main road, & you aren't having to go out of your way ??
I would really hate this arrangement anyway, it stops any flexibility, but maybe the payment is useful?
However, no payment, no lift. Nope

@ferretface

"Hi [name], we originally agreed that I could give you a lift in exchange for a contribution towards petrol money. You have stopped providing this and as a result I feel taken advantage of. I'm afraid I can't offer a lift any more."

I'd send this but I'd add in at the end (just before the sentence that 'I'm afraid I can't offer a lift any more') that there is an amount outstanding and you're now expecting the outstanding funds to be transferred to your Revolut or bank account for the lifts she has already had (but not paid for). or You could say that you're going to write off the costs she has built up for the lifts she has had but not paid for but you're no longer going to be offering lifts to her.

That does make the message a little less snappy and to the point but it does get the message home that she has been a freeloading CFker!

Think you will just have to be blunt with her, otherwise she is just taking the piss.

I don't think I would ask for any petrol money, as would be going to the work place anyway. If money was offered,I would probably so no, as long as the person was a decent and appreciative person..

Think TV programme ,, Car Share, !!

I wouldn’t entertain the CF she has zero respect for you, stop the lifts , you know she is using you and taking the piss do not allow it

Ooh this reninds me of a colkeague who worked in Leeds and lived on outskirts of Hull. She was asked if she could give 2 colleagues a lift to work 5 days week.

They paid her, jointly, £20 a month.

After a few weeks she saw their manager and told them it was beyond rude, she, was stoppibg the car share, and advsi g the manager as iyt might impact them getting to work, then stopped the lifts. 2 adulrs getting full time return journeys from Hull to Leeds fir &£2.50 a week each.

I think when they saw the rravel costs and time involved afterwards tbry regretted being si cheap but there you go!

Do you want to carry on- if she pays up regularly, or do you want to stop.
If you're happy to continue, I would raise it with her by asking her if she wants to continue the arrangement. That gives you the opportunity to say, the arrangement is you drive, she pays and payment every Monday please etc.
If you don't want to continue, just tell her nicely the arrangement isn't working for you- you need flexibility ... with a cheery see you at work, bye!!!!

I asked for £10 per month, didn't get a penny. After three months I asked she laughed at me and said she didn't have any money. I left her in the car park. It was ten and dark but I was so bloody angry i didnt care.

Yes, if you'd enjoy her company if she went back to paying, you can give her the option to pay up. The lack of funds seems like an obvious excuse.

Personally, I'd be longing to have my personal time and space back, so I'd just say your plans have changed, you're needing flexibility, etc, so you'll no longer be able to drive her.

People often very quickly forget favours, and then they turn into entitlements. You offer someone a lift to work, and then, when your are on leave or off sick, they say: "Well, how am I supposed to get to work?"

Agree with @glassraven approach.

If I was going anyway maybe I wouldn't mind petrol money so much as my costs are the same, but I wouldn't like to be tied down !
If its mainly the money can you stop at petrol station enroute, make a point of fuel costs, say your a bit short this month too so glad you are now sharing the cost??

@Ddot

I asked for £10 per month, didn't get a penny. After three months I asked she laughed at me and said she didn't have any money. I left her in the car park. It was ten and dark but I was so bloody angry i didnt care.

Bloody good for you! What happened after that?

No way would I put up with someone in my car.
I have someone like this in the office. Gave him a lift once. Down there! Round there! Drop me here! Not a please or thank-you. And I had to put up with him droning on and on in the car!

Fuck that. Next time he asked for a lift I said "No. Can't do!" and walked away.

"Hi [name], we originally agreed that I could give you a lift in exchange for a contribution towards petrol money. You have stopped providing this and as a result I feel taken advantage of. I'm afraid I can't offer a lift any more."

This is spot on,she cant badmouth you as you are only telling the truth.

@blobby10

strawberrylaces1 it may not be applicable on your insurance but on mine, accepting money for lifts would be the same as a taxi and my insurance wouldn't cover me. If she paid for your tank to be filled up once a week (as an example) as in went to the cashier and paid once you had filled the tank up it would be OK. Its just the handing over money for a specific ride thats not permitted.

if you do cancel her lifts, be aware that (if shes a total bitch) she may report you for running a taxi service without proper licensing.

That is absolutely the most bonkers insurance clause I have ever heard

I'd love to see the clause itself. Is it on paper or online? Could I be cheeky and ask for a photo/screenshot of the clause that says you may not accept petrol money if you give someone a lift.