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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To stop giving work colleague lifts to work?

516 replies

strawberrylaces1 · 27/01/2022 05:58

I have been at my workplace for 5 years, and a few months one of my colleagues moved house, to my area.

I drive to work each day, and when we were having a chat about her moving, she mentioned the idea of car sharing to work, with her contributing towards the petrol costs. I thought this sounded ok.

At first this worked fine, she gave me petrol money and it was quite nice having the company. But for the past month or so, she’s not given any petrol money, I’ve mentioned it a couple of times and she’s given rubbish excuses about how money is short at the moment. (Which makes no sense, as if I didn’t drive her, she would have to pay for public transport!) She also mentioned that she is saving for a holiday so the financial hardship claim doesn’t really add up Confused

Another thing which is really getting under my skin is that she’s completely stopped saying thank you. When we get to her house and she gets out, she just says goodbye. I know this might seem petty, but I find it incredibly rude.
I get the impression she feels entitled to a lift since we live close by.

AIBU to stop giving her lifts entirely? I feel like I’m being taken advantage of. I am on annual leave until Monday so I want to cut off this arrangement before I’m back at work.

OP posts:
BorsetshireBanality · 27/01/2022 13:04

“Dear ungrateful-freeloading colleague - re lifts are you paying this month or would you rather make other travel arrangements?

HunterHearstHelmsley · 27/01/2022 13:06

I used to get a lift to work many moons ago. I would wait on a street corner not far from my home that my colleague would pass and she would pick me up.

I was about 20 years old. She would never accept any money for the journeys so I used to buy her lunch once a week and a bunch of flowers a month. It probably cost me more than the bus would but it saved time and was massively helpful!

In your situation, I would message her and say "unfortunately I won't be able to take you to and from work anymore". Maybe throw in a "I hope you can sort something out!" But nothing more. She isn't entitled to a lift, you've been doing a favour.

RachelGreeneGreep · 27/01/2022 13:09

@HunterHearstHelmsley

I used to get a lift to work many moons ago. I would wait on a street corner not far from my home that my colleague would pass and she would pick me up.

I was about 20 years old. She would never accept any money for the journeys so I used to buy her lunch once a week and a bunch of flowers a month. It probably cost me more than the bus would but it saved time and was massively helpful!

In your situation, I would message her and say "unfortunately I won't be able to take you to and from work anymore". Maybe throw in a "I hope you can sort something out!" But nothing more. She isn't entitled to a lift, you've been doing a favour.

Yes, I remember one place I worked where a manager gave lifts, mostly on Fridays and Mondays to junior colleagues. She wouldn't have accepted money from them, but they would buy something decent for her at Christmas.
dizzydizzydizzy · 27/01/2022 13:13

@Mummyoflittledragon

She is all excuses and doesn’t care about you or your pocket. I know it’s hard. But why make excuses back?

At most ‘You asked me for lifts every day on the basis of sharing travel costs. As I’ve received no money the past month despite asking, I think it’s best if we both make our own way to work.‘

But you are perfectly entitled to just tell her you won’t be giving her a lift to work anymore and if she asks because it doesn’t suit you anymore, you don’t want to, she has reneged on the agreement or simply just because you won’t be doing it anymore.

This!
dizzydizzydizzy · 27/01/2022 13:14

@TulipsTwoLips

I like this:

Hi x
Just thinking ahead to Monday and checking if you want to keep doing the car share thing?
Think I'm owed x for Dec and Jan - is that what you make it?

You might as well get some money for it if you're driving there anyway! So make it clear to her that your request for payment isn't going to go away and I think you'll get the money from her.

I like this too.
SamphiretheStickerist · 27/01/2022 13:31

@Iamtired123

If you live in the same area its not as if it costs you extra petrol money to give her lifts ? You shouldn't have accepted the offer of petrol money in the first place !
Really? How much of your time, effort, life do you give to colleagues for free?

Some people identify themselves as life's takers quite quickly, OP. Be as determined, uncaring, selfish as she has been. Just tell her you won't be giving her any more lifts.

EmbarrassingHadrosaurus · 27/01/2022 13:36

[quote Oldandcobwebby]This, from the RAC, is sobering reading

www.rac.co.uk/drive/news/motoring-news/giving-your-friends-a-lift-fines/[/quote]
While drivers are allowed to receive payment for fuel costs, anyone found to be making a profit, or advertising online, could be charged with illegally operating as a taxi.

Interesting item. I'd be surprised if the OP were turning a profit on this transaction.

“When getting into a vehicle with an unlicensed and unvetted stranger, you have no knowledge of their background and risk your own personal safety.
“Before offering a lift in exchange for money, you should speak to your insurance company as this could invalidate your insurance and may result in your vehicle being seized by police, a fixed penalty or prosecution resulting in a fine, points on your licence or disqualification from driving.”

FinallyHere · 27/01/2022 13:41

@PicaK

Put the ball in her court.... Hi x Just thinking ahead to Monday and checking if you want to keep doing the car share thing? Think I'm owed x for Dec and Jan - is that what you make it? Please can I have that on Monday if you want picking up. Xxx
I like this
Mothership4two · 27/01/2022 13:52

@NewPapaGuinea

I’d be upfront and say tell her if she’s not going to hold up her side of the arrangement then the lifts will stop. Put the ball back in her court

^^this. You don't have to make up excuses. She suggested these lifts in the first place and so you had an agreement. Unless you would rather stop altogether? But that could get awkward between you both

Jenasaurus · 27/01/2022 13:54

I would be completely up front with her. Say her original suggestion of lift sharing to share the costs hasnt worked out and you no longer can offer lifts as she hasnt paid her way. I wouldnt mention the thank you bit, as in a way that has added to her undoing, because once she stopped paying you noticed she didnt even say thank you for the FREE lifts.

Gilly12345 · 27/01/2022 14:01

She is a cf and needs to pay or make other arrangements, car shares are ok but definitely a burden and if she is not paying then she is taking advantage of you.

Booboobibles · 27/01/2022 14:01

It looks like you’re paying for her holiday…

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 27/01/2022 14:02

Sorry, the 1% was me. I hit the wrong button. Totally NOT unreasonable! She's a CF.

Katyrosebug · 27/01/2022 14:04

I've had this with my manager, I was giving lifts and he was going to share the cost, its £10 per day to get into work and he was going to offer £2.5 and didn't get that it was costing me X per day etc.. Always seemed shocked when I told him. He earns more then me, has money, always talking about things he bought or shoinw me games he's purchased in town on the way back home. Since the new year I've been unavailable and 'it doesn't work for me' keeps being said lol. He's got the idea now and doesn't ask me

Howshouldibehave · 27/01/2022 14:08

@GreenFingersWouldBeHandy

Sorry, the 1% was me. I hit the wrong button. Totally NOT unreasonable! She's a CF.
You can just change your vote!
GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 27/01/2022 14:09

@Howshouldibehave

Hi - how do I do that? Sorry, user error here!

Howshouldibehave · 27/01/2022 14:12

[quote GreenFingersWouldBeHandy]@Howshouldibehave

Hi - how do I do that? Sorry, user error here![/quote]
Just click on the YANBU button and it’ll change your vote.

Mothership4two · 27/01/2022 14:13

Hi - how do I do that? Sorry, user error here!

Just revote by clicking on YANBU

viques · 27/01/2022 14:29

OP I have read (most of ) the thread and have come to the conclusion that just asking for the money and arrears is not going to work. By her attitude and rudeness your colleague has show you exactly what she thinks of your kindness, and I think that even if she paid every penny you asked for, and remembered to say Thankyou , the resentment you now feel -quite justified IMO- has soured the relationship and it is time to knock it on the head before it gnaws away at you.

You need to text her, today so she has time to make other arrangements, buy a bus pass etc, and say that from Monday you are no longer available to offer her a lift either to or from work .

She will probably bad mouth you to other colleagues so you need to have responses ready, either brutally frank, “she is a rude chancer who didn’t stick to the payment agreement and frankly I was the one being taken for a ride” , or honest “ she didn’t stick to the agreement” or politic “ I am not prepared to discuss this with third parties, but there are valid reasons”.

gsaoej · 27/01/2022 14:36

Whatever you do it has to be assertive.

Personally I’d go with the blunt truth: money has not been received as promised and because of this, you feel awkward and taken advantage of so lifts permanently stop now.

Anjo2011 · 27/01/2022 14:36

No contribution, no lift.

WhereYouLeftIt · 27/01/2022 14:37

"I get the impression she feels entitled to a lift since we live close by."

Exactly this. What she asked as a favour, and then by paying for ceased to be a favour and became something she chose to buy, has now become an entitlement (hence no thank you) she feels she doesn't have to pay for because you're driving there anyway.

You see it time and again on here, this weird metamorphosis from gratitude to entitlement.

To be honest, I wouldn't be interested now in her paying what she owed, I would resent giving her a lift. I'd be 'nice' enough to text her in advance that I've decided to drive alone again.

She'll probably panic at the loss of her door-to-door chauffeur and offer money/apologies, so be ready for that and just reiterate that it just no longer works for you.

OakRowan · 27/01/2022 14:40

Stop picking her up. You've stopped paying me, so I've stopped driving you, done. Forget about the money owed, even if you remind her this time and she pays up she's already taking the piss and you'll chase her forever, it will happen again.

TigerLilyTail · 27/01/2022 14:43

It all boils down to what the OP wants though. If she just doesn't want to do the lifts anymore then the money is irrelevant. She's under no obligation to car share if she doesn't want to.

PuzzledObserver · 27/01/2022 14:48

Out of interest, how far is the trip, and how much was she paying, when she could be bothered?

Legally you can only accept fuel costs for giving lifts.