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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To buy clothes for a baby even though I’m not pregnant

565 replies

somegirlontheinter · 26/01/2022 16:28

I’m 29 and very broody. We can’t have a baby yet as we need to save money to raise them, feed them and send them to school. I have £5k in savings. We’d also really like to move up the property ladder. My SO and I need to complete postgrad exams in order to advance in our profession (£2-3k each). We do not share our disposable income and never will do.

I am so looking forward to having a baby one day. Sometimes I see baby clothes that are just so cute, I feel like I have to buy them or I’ll never see them again. I’ve spent probably £2-3k on baby clothes in the 3 years, I’d say around half on sale. My SO is upset because he feels that I’m throwing money away. He’s managed to save quite a bit already which will cover a few years of education. I feel that we are technically saving money by front loading the cost of this necessity. I think it’s such a non issue and it’s quite smart tbh. We have a shared budget of £50k for offspring and I can definitely save this by the time I’m 35 (it will take me 30 months to save £25k). Surely it only matters that I eventually save the money, not that I save it at the same rate as him.

We’ve been together since we were 18 and we’ve always agreed about money and spending. But as we age, he’s becoming very anxious and extra cautious about the cost of having a family and he can be quite stubborn e.g. a child will survive with free education as I did, they don’t definitely need savings accounts from birth etc. He’s taking it a little too seriously because many people don’t save so much before starting a family.

We’ve bickered about this quite a bit and it really winds me up. I feel like the arguments are getting worse about such a minor issue. Is he being unreasonable?

OP posts:
Original poster
somegirlontheinter · 26/01/2022 17:43

@Allpenguinsarepingus

OP, how do you feel about knitting? You could make cute baby jumpers, cardigans and blankets and little hats and booties. It’s no cheaper than buying baby clothes, but it’s much much slower, so you can spend 6 months knitting a baby blanket out of £50 of wool rather than spend 500quid shopping in the same timeframe. Obviously it’s still a displacement activity. But less destructive. I also think you should try to revise your plan to wait til 35 to ttc. Is there any way you could take a year out before then?
Yes I have just been looking at knitting! I think it's a great idea. It would occupy a lot of my time, cheaper and then would be more meaningful. Thank you :)
OP posts:
HesterShaw1 · 26/01/2022 17:45

You are being deranged unreasonable.

Even if you had a baby that would be bonkers.

Sofiegiraffe · 26/01/2022 17:45

I won't echo what everyone else has said as I think you have the message loud and clear now. Just wanted to add that Vinted is great for baby clothes - so many preloved bargains, some still items new with tags. The rate that my 9 month old has grown out of clothing and gone up to the next size, I'm so glad I didn't buy everything brand new! It would have been so expensive. Have a look on Vinted - loads of bargains and some lovely stuff.

MeanderingGently · 26/01/2022 17:46

Well, I do understand buying a few baby items before being pregnant, I did the same. I so wanted a baby, we had to move house first and then we were trying for a few months before I got pregnant, so every so often I'd buy the odd outfit and eventually a very pretty Moses basket which I used when baby came home for the first few weeks.

However, when I read you've spent 2-3K on things, that does seem far too much. I really wouldn't spend any more until you are actually pregnant. You don't need much at first and babies grow surprisingly quickly in their first months, so clothes are very soon too small.

Having said that, yes, you could sell your collection if you find you can't conceive for whatever reason.

Sofiegiraffe · 26/01/2022 17:46

@TwinkleToesStrikesAgain

£3k is two months nursery fees. I think that might be a better way to save your money, rather than using clothing as a commodity.

This - a million times! Save for childcare fees, OP. That's the real expense and it's hit us quite hard!

HesterShaw1 · 26/01/2022 17:46

Sorry to sound harsh.

You must also bear in mind how you'd feel if you struggled to conceive. No one ever thinks that will happen to them, but it's common.

Allpenguinsarepingus · 26/01/2022 17:47

Don’t buy loads of wool to start with. Buy enough to make one or two little projects. It’s slow.
Protip: thinner wool takes longer to knit so it’s less expensive.
Protip 2: only make baby clothes out of wool that can be washed in a machine (superwash wool is great, avoid anythin super fancy and handdyed)

ufucoffee · 26/01/2022 17:48

If you have spent 3k on baby clothes you must have a lot of items OP unless you're buying v expensive designer baby clothes. Sorry, but it's crazy to be doing what you're doing. Do any of your friends know you're doing this? If so, what do they say to you?

Suzanne999 · 26/01/2022 17:48

Good Lord, I couldn’t spend £2-3k on clothes for triplets, never mind a hypothetical baby.
If you feel compelled to link a baby and money open a separate account and start saving for its college / Uni / first car.

Mirw · 26/01/2022 17:48

And what happens if you can't get pregnant? Does happen. I know... What a waste of money. And quite selfish too. Your So has every right to be p**d off.

HomeSw33tHome · 26/01/2022 17:49

YABU

sounds like an unhealthy obsession, tbh

Cstring · 26/01/2022 17:50

Im so glad you’ve had helpful suggestions. I think you know you need to stop, however I’d recommend revisiting your timescale for having a baby as quite often it can take longer than planned to get pregnant.

Pedalpushers · 26/01/2022 17:51

Your future baby doesn't need endless expensive outfits, that money could go towards so many things for their life and future and you're frittering it away. I think you need to look at why this is such a hyperfocus for you.

GeorgiaMcGraw · 26/01/2022 17:51

I think you're both overthinking your lives massively. If you want babies, you should marry/agree on finances and who takes responsibility for what (could you make a legal agreement without marrying perhaps?), maybe save up a bit more (stop buying baby clothes etc you don't need) and then crack on. You don't know how long it might take to conceive. Nature doesn't care about your qualifications. But yes, as a pregnant woman, I'd say £2-3k on clothes is mad, but so is insisting on £50k or whatever in savings. Don't do yourselves out of your family life by putting so much pressure on yourselves.

HelloKittyGirl · 26/01/2022 17:51

I was about to say sure, buy the odd little garment here and there if it’s something unusual you may not be able to find again and/or is a great bargain. I did this. In fact I bought a limited edition buggy for a couple of hundred and stored it in the garage.

But £2-3K?!! That’s ridiculous!

Worryworry887 · 26/01/2022 17:51

This has got to be a joke..I have two children and doubt I’ve even spend £1k on clothes for them!

MajorCarolDanvers · 26/01/2022 17:52

You are off your head spending thousands on a non existent baby.

NeverChange · 26/01/2022 17:54

I do think what you are doing in a little crazy but each to their own in some regards.

There are a number of reasons this is not a good idea:-

  1. You don't have a baby yet
  2. You don't know the sex of the baby and buying neutral colours is more limiting
  3. You don't know when the baby will be born - a winter outfit for a 0-3 month old is not good if baby born in Spring
  4. You don't know the size of the baby - could be so big that starts of 6-9 months clothing
  5. Fashion dates - not a big issue but by the time the child is born, everything you have bought years in advance will look like second hand - not a problem but just highlighting it
  6. You will get a lot of hand me downs and gifts so probably don't need a lot
  7. The money could be better spend now or even for the child in the future
  8. You never know what the future holds

If you cannot stop immediately, I think you should consider a combination of the following:-

  1. Counselling
  2. A self imposed spending limit, e.g. £5 a month
  3. If you see something you like, take a picture rather than a purchase
  4. Put the equivalent cost of the outfit into a savings account for any future children

You obsessive behaviour may also be very off putting to your partner. I would be very concerned and irritated by it if I were him.

I'm sorry, I understand being broody is tough, but this is not healthy and you have to find a better way to deal with it.

Sceptre86 · 26/01/2022 17:55

Yabu and a bit daft. You might not even have kids together or what if you struggle to conceive? What if you haven't bought for the right season? Even when you are pregnant there isn't much point in buying clothes too far ahead as baby might be in a size for longer than you would expect or less time so the season would be all wrong. you sound like you have some obsessive behaviour going on here or anxieties, I'd speak to your GP.

Worryworry887 · 26/01/2022 17:55

Also, are these all newborn clothes or are you buying up the sizes as well? They grow out of newborn so quickly and when they hit around 3 they start to refuse certain clothes (IME) eg my four year old will only wear certain dresses, so they probably won’t get used…but I don’t think that’s the issue here!

Darbs76 · 26/01/2022 17:58

I didn’t even spend anywhere near 2-3k when I had babies. You’re being very unreasonable and he’s right

ittakes2 · 26/01/2022 17:59

If this is real you are mad. You have no idea if you will fall pregnant, and if you do what sex it will be and when you will have him/her. Babies need different clothes for different seasons too ie jumpers for a winter new born baby and light clothes for a summer new born baby.

Lifeismeh · 26/01/2022 18:00

You. Are being. Unreasonable.

RussianSpy101 · 26/01/2022 18:02

You’re wrong about getting a good amount back for branded items that have tags on. People don’t want to pay more than a few £ for any 2nd hand stuff.

If you are saving £25k in 2.5 years and you can’t afford to have longer than a few months off work after having a child, you do not “have so much” and need to stop spending like you do.
I’m sorry you grew up poor and now feel better off, but you’re blowing your money on ridiculous things when you should be saving it for maternity leave so you don’t have to rush back to work if you do ever have children.

IncompleteSenten · 26/01/2022 18:02

Are you sure you want a child?

Spending thousand on a child you don't yet have when one of the reasons you aren't trying yet is that you need thousands seem arseways up.

You'd be £3000 nearer your goal if you hadn't wasted it on baby stuff that will NEVER be unavailable.

It seems like you are sabotaging it.