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Original poster

To buy clothes for a baby even though I’m not pregnant

565 replies

somegirlontheinter · 26/01/2022 16:28

I’m 29 and very broody. We can’t have a baby yet as we need to save money to raise them, feed them and send them to school. I have £5k in savings. We’d also really like to move up the property ladder. My SO and I need to complete postgrad exams in order to advance in our profession (£2-3k each). We do not share our disposable income and never will do.

I am so looking forward to having a baby one day. Sometimes I see baby clothes that are just so cute, I feel like I have to buy them or I’ll never see them again. I’ve spent probably £2-3k on baby clothes in the 3 years, I’d say around half on sale. My SO is upset because he feels that I’m throwing money away. He’s managed to save quite a bit already which will cover a few years of education. I feel that we are technically saving money by front loading the cost of this necessity. I think it’s such a non issue and it’s quite smart tbh. We have a shared budget of £50k for offspring and I can definitely save this by the time I’m 35 (it will take me 30 months to save £25k). Surely it only matters that I eventually save the money, not that I save it at the same rate as him.

We’ve been together since we were 18 and we’ve always agreed about money and spending. But as we age, he’s becoming very anxious and extra cautious about the cost of having a family and he can be quite stubborn e.g. a child will survive with free education as I did, they don’t definitely need savings accounts from birth etc. He’s taking it a little too seriously because many people don’t save so much before starting a family.

We’ve bickered about this quite a bit and it really winds me up. I feel like the arguments are getting worse about such a minor issue. Is he being unreasonable?

OP posts:
PinkButtercups · 26/01/2022 21:15

I don't really get how you can say on one hand you have so much money but would need to go back to work ASAP as you'd struggle to live...

Surely the money you're saving is partly for that?

If you have so much disposable income saving to go on maternity leave would be easy. Most people are pregnant for 9 months.

Thirtytimesround · 26/01/2022 21:19

OP please go and talk this over with a counsellor. Spending thousands of pounds on a baby that doesn’t exist is not normal or healthy. Doing it when you have agreed that you are saving up money and can’t have a baby until you have saved up, is irrational.

My guess is that HE wants to delay babies and YOU don’t. You’re rebelling by wasting the money he asked you to save. This is destructive behaviour.

(There is no chance you will be able to sell the clothes for anywhere near what you paid. Secondhand baby clothes are ‘ten a penny’.)

Please go and tell a counsellor what you have done and ask them to help you explore your feelings around babies and this man.

CoalCraft · 26/01/2022 21:21

I've probably spent about £250 on baby clothes total on my 14 month old, and nothing at all on her clothes till she was 3 months thanks to gifts and hand-me-downs. I think it'll take me 10 years to spend £3,000 on her!

It's a waste of money to spend such a huge sum on clothes for a baby, real or theoretical. You'd have a job to use each item once. Where are you storing them??

VelvetChairGirl · 26/01/2022 21:21

how does that mean that I've been planning to save for a child since the age of 18? it simply means that we have always agreed about spending habits.

how long have you been saving for a baby then and when did you decide that you would wait until 35, also was it you who decided that or him, does he actually want children or is it you putting it off out of fear? , you should have had them already and found a way to fund them they aint that expensive, you can get pushchairs, cots etc for next to nothing and the clothing, nappies and milk are the most expensive thing but the supermarkets own brand nappies are perfectly fine.

ScrollingLeaves · 26/01/2022 21:22

I think you might be really quite seriously upset in your heart of hearts to be buying very very expensive things for an as yet unborn baby. It really sounds as though you might be anaesthetising yourself in some way by doing this. Buying the clothes is harmless enough in itself, but something seems wrong. Do you think by any chance you should consider
counselling?

Is your partner using the saving in advance as a barrier of some kind while you try to smash it by spending? It feels a bit as though you are living in a push-me-pull-you silent war in your relationship, even if you love each other and feel you are being sensible to plan ahead so carefully.

PurplePansy05 · 26/01/2022 21:25

I also think there are incosistencies in what you've said about your and your OH's spproach to money.

So you've saved a lot but yet you spent £3k on a child that doesn't exist. You could've invested it for your future child/ren and get £13k back. Or £30k. Or whatever sum. It makes no sense, as people have already explained. Also, baby clothes go on sale multiple times a year, every year, you do know this, right?

Secondly you say your OH's and yours attitude to spending was the same but it doesn't sound like it - you then said he was buying a lot for a few years and only more recently started saving whereas you've been more careful. Then in another post you said you were actually spending yourself too. Then you said you have £50k in savings. Then you said you'd have to return to work quickly after maternity leave.

None of these things add up.

PattyPan · 26/01/2022 21:29

@Lockdownbear

Op I feel for you.

Is it an option to try for a baby now and for you to do your final exams after maternity leave?

Or would your employer be willing to help fund the exams so you can sit them sooner.

I'd wonder this too. My friend is an accountant and took a break between exams to have a baby.
ladycarlotta · 26/01/2022 21:29

OP, when I was pregnant with my first I did loads of this - 'stocked up' on things I thought were adorable or useful in the sale. Some things were definitely useful, but some things I got so, so wrong - like not knowing what kind of vest fastening would turn out to suit me best, whether it was better to have footed sleepsuits or not, what size my baby would be in what season (at least I knew her due date, but she was a tiny little thing for her first year and never fitted the seasonal clothes I'd stashed for her)....

honestly, it was not a money saver. It was a gigantic waste, of time as well as money. And I robbed myself of the pleasure of choosing things for my baby as she needed them - finding things she looked cute in, or which completely met her needs and not those of the imaginary child I had in my head. It turned out I actually love finding little quirky bargains in charity shops for her, and I got so many great hand-me-downs from friends too. None of my stupid prepping was necessary.

And I was stuck with loads of brand new baby clothes that didn't work for me, which my partner rightfully resented, which I have spent three sodding years slowly ebaying and giving away here and there which is another waste of time. I think I've cleared the pile now. But it made me feel swamped and stifled and guilty for ages. I can't imagine having to do all that if I had lost my baby or had never conceived in the first place. Please, stop. This isn't the prudent move you think it is.

Fredstheteds · 26/01/2022 21:30

@Caramelnipple

I would add that even I was desperately broody but not in a place to TTC I did buy a pack of three babygrows in a sale and a cute wooden Noah's ark... But I felt a bit crazy even doing that!
Similar to me- I brought the buggy as a bargain on eBay in the August but was pregnant within 6 weeks... it’s been a great buggy ( my son is 3 in July)
Hangthetowels · 26/01/2022 21:31

I doubt I'll spend £2-3k on baby clothes for all my children combined ! Sorry but I think thats such a waste of money, especially if you aren't having kids because you can't afford them ? We got everything (apart from the car seat) second hand. All toys, cots, clothes, pram! Literally how can you spend £2-3k on clothes !

Bellyups · 26/01/2022 21:38

I think you need to speak to someone professional OP.
Most of your post is not normal

LunaAndHerMoonDragons · 26/01/2022 21:39

I was coming on to say you're not being unreasonable, I did this before I was pregnant, Then I saw the amount. I bought 5-6 items of clothing, on sale, so would have been maybe $60. 2-3K is way too much.

lljkk · 26/01/2022 21:39

I started out thinking OP was insane but (only read OP's posts) now thinking OP just has a peculiar & hopefully harmless hobby.

I kind of fear setting yourself up for a fall. And better to save the money to have more time with baby at home after the birth -- definitely!!

My babies were dressed in cheap items from £-Land & charity shops.

KurtWilde · 26/01/2022 21:40

how does that mean that I've been planning to save for a child since the age of 18? it simply means that we have always agreed about spending habits.

But you haven't though, you say he's only just settled into not over spending, and you were quite frugal before. And now he's saving and you're overspending! You don't seem to be on the same page, if I'm honest.

EezyOozy · 26/01/2022 21:40

Op, I haven't read the full thread, but I assume you know about how fertility drops from 35 onwards. It sounds like you're really quite financially comfortable and desperate for a baby, and if I were you I'd be starting TTC sooner.... Just my 2 cents. I know it's important to plan and be solvent, but I feel like you and your partner are OVER planning !!

Ilovechinese · 26/01/2022 21:40

You must have more money than sense! As someone else said what if you can't or struggle to conceive? Also you said you have been with your partner since you were both 18 so why are you waiting till 35 to ttc? Everyone on here always talks about how it gets harder to convince as you get older and if you do have difficulty and need tests then IVF you will have less chance of it working.
Also you don't know if you will have a boy or girl, summer or winter baby so some clothes are bound to be a waste. Are you buying a mixture of boys and girls?

shoopashoop · 26/01/2022 21:41

Your money, do what you like!
Just wanted to say if you’re selling them, I highly recommend Vinted over eBay - cheaper and easier to use!! Huge market for children’s clothes in there. NRTFT, so sorry if someone else has already said this.

EezyOozy · 26/01/2022 21:42

Oh, and you really don't need to spend money on clothes for babies and toddlers! Most of mine were given to me, a few eBay bundles. Please don't put off TTC so that you can save up loads of money for buying posh baby clothes!

DueyCheatemAndHow · 26/01/2022 21:45

@Saker

It's nice to read a thread where the OP has listened to what people suggest and is going to act accordingly.
Lol!
LovePoppy · 26/01/2022 21:46

You’re ridiculous.

I haven’t read further than page one, but I hope you at least bought in a variety of sizes.

But yeah, you’re very unreasonable

teaandtoastwithmarmite · 26/01/2022 21:46

I think you are getting some harsh comments on here OP. Not because it's not crazy but more because I think you need some counselling or something here. It sounds like some kind of OCD thing going on.

teaandtoastwithmarmite · 26/01/2022 21:50

Also I went a bit mad when I was pregnant and bought lots of things in all different sizes. In the end it prevented me buying things as DD grew so it was a bit silly of me really. Any kind of hoarding does this. Where do you stop. There will always be cute baby clothes. If you have a baby in five years how much will you have by then. Trust me I can be a bit of a hoarder myself and I'm realising all of this now.

Kassalah · 26/01/2022 21:51

YANBU. If you can afford them, enjoy it. They can always be sold or donated at a later date.

DrPrincessFluffyToYou · 26/01/2022 21:55

@somegirlontheinter are you a doctor? I ask because I recognise 7 years at uni + many time consuming and expensive professional exams until about 35...

If so, I was in the same position and just decided 'fuck it, the time will never be right' and am now pregnant with my first and not even in a training programme. I decided that I can't let my life be determined by circumstances which may or may not ever be perfect. Sure, I've prolonged the shittiest part of the job, but I'm not putting my life on hold for 10 years just for that (especially given declining fertility rates over 35...). I am also considering switching careers to something more child-friendly than medicine - there are a surprising number of good jobs (of equal or better pay) out there for doctors.

Roominmyhouse · 26/01/2022 21:55

@Thirtytimesround

OP please go and talk this over with a counsellor. Spending thousands of pounds on a baby that doesn’t exist is not normal or healthy. Doing it when you have agreed that you are saving up money and can’t have a baby until you have saved up, is irrational.

My guess is that HE wants to delay babies and YOU don’t. You’re rebelling by wasting the money he asked you to save. This is destructive behaviour.

(There is no chance you will be able to sell the clothes for anywhere near what you paid. Secondhand baby clothes are ‘ten a penny’.)

Please go and tell a counsellor what you have done and ask them to help you explore your feelings around babies and this man.

This. You need to be really careful here if you are that desperate for children that your partner doesn’t change the goal posts once you are 35 and your fertility is declining.

The buying clothes is clearly mad and a complete waste of money but you’ve got bigger issues to think about here.