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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To buy clothes for a baby even though I’m not pregnant

565 replies

somegirlontheinter · 26/01/2022 16:28

I’m 29 and very broody. We can’t have a baby yet as we need to save money to raise them, feed them and send them to school. I have £5k in savings. We’d also really like to move up the property ladder. My SO and I need to complete postgrad exams in order to advance in our profession (£2-3k each). We do not share our disposable income and never will do.

I am so looking forward to having a baby one day. Sometimes I see baby clothes that are just so cute, I feel like I have to buy them or I’ll never see them again. I’ve spent probably £2-3k on baby clothes in the 3 years, I’d say around half on sale. My SO is upset because he feels that I’m throwing money away. He’s managed to save quite a bit already which will cover a few years of education. I feel that we are technically saving money by front loading the cost of this necessity. I think it’s such a non issue and it’s quite smart tbh. We have a shared budget of £50k for offspring and I can definitely save this by the time I’m 35 (it will take me 30 months to save £25k). Surely it only matters that I eventually save the money, not that I save it at the same rate as him.

We’ve been together since we were 18 and we’ve always agreed about money and spending. But as we age, he’s becoming very anxious and extra cautious about the cost of having a family and he can be quite stubborn e.g. a child will survive with free education as I did, they don’t definitely need savings accounts from birth etc. He’s taking it a little too seriously because many people don’t save so much before starting a family.

We’ve bickered about this quite a bit and it really winds me up. I feel like the arguments are getting worse about such a minor issue. Is he being unreasonable?

OP posts:
Original poster
somegirlontheinter · 26/01/2022 20:48

@VelvetChairGirl

TBH if your going on about having a baby at 35 and planning it all from 18 years old, saving for a school, bank accounts for a baby etc, honestly I think your barmy, what on earth even makes you think you can have a baby at 35 have you even tried.

honestly if I was your other half I think I would be running for the hills, sorry op but its OTT

no idea where I've written that I've been planning it all since i was 18, sounds like you need to improve your comprehension
OP posts:
Original poster
somegirlontheinter · 26/01/2022 20:50

@DemBonesDemBones

That is a crazy amount of money to spend on baby clothes.
indeed, I think it's been mentioned by a previous poster one or two times, not too sure
OP posts:
PurplePansy05 · 26/01/2022 20:50

In the nicest possible way, if people really lived their lives this way, hardly anyone would ever have children.

It strikes me that some posters are extremely focused on financial security, which in itself isn't a bad thing - however, being obsessive about it and extremely risk averse isn't the way to live your life and it may very well lead to a variety of largely unnecessary issues that money will not resolve.

Devo1818 · 26/01/2022 20:50

I think you need to stop messing about with dungarees and have a baby.

I have 2 happy, healthy, well-provided for children and I have never had £50k in my life! (Except tied up in the house).

MileyWiley · 26/01/2022 20:51

People hardly pay anything for baby clothes sold on, even BNWT. People want bargains for pennies if they aren’t going to buy new in store themselves.

Tilltheend99 · 26/01/2022 20:51

UABU. Not about the baby clothes (although it’s possible to get very nice/cute baby clothes for a lot less than what you’ve spent) but about assuming you will ever be able to ‘afford’ having a baby. Two reasons; everyone born after 1980 is f**ked economically and if we all waited for the right circumstances to have children no one would have any. Two it’s a common misconception that getting pregnant just happens because those are the people we tend to hear about. For most people it is a long and possibly difficult, possibly heartbreaking process.

If you are broody to the point of buying baby items I suggest your body is telling you that the time is right and that you should listen to your body over society as one won’t fall in line with the other.

KurtWilde · 26/01/2022 20:51

Most people I know have far more savings than 24k!

Most people I know (including me) have zero savings, and started their family on a wing and a prayer, but still managed to provide well for their babies.

Obviously if you're in a position to save first, then more power to you, but I do think sometimes people wait for the 'right' time and it never comes. That was true of my cousin who kept pushing back starting a family due to timing or this or that, until it just never happened.

OP if you're happy to wait then that's entirely your decision. I had no issues conceiving in my thirties, no reason why you should either. It's just something to bear in mind.

sometimespeopletakethepiss · 26/01/2022 20:53

YABU, sorry but it's very very weird what you're doing.

Sartre · 26/01/2022 20:54

2-3K is a bonkers amount for anyone to spend on baby clothes. I sincerely hope they aren’t all in the same size, they grow rapidly over the first 12 months and outgrow their clothes within 2-3 weeks sometimes.

vivariumvivariumsvivaria · 26/01/2022 20:55

@Allpenguinsarepingus has a great suggestion.

Ravelry is where you should go - these "stay on booties" are lovely and actually do stay on. www.ravelry.com/patterns/sources/julia-adams-patterns-ravelry-store

baby hats agogo www.ravelry.com/patterns/search#fit=newborn-size&query=baby%20hat%20top%20knot&sort=best&view=captioned_thumbs&page=1

the cleverest cardi EVER - some of the colours people have done are ghastly, but if you do it in green and add dinosaur spikes down the back and a matching hat it is, very cute. www.ravelry.com/patterns/library/baby-surprise-jacket

endless baby blankets www.ravelry.com/patterns/search#query=bright%20baby%20blanket&sort=best&view=captioned_thumbs&page=1

Or, you could search for preemie patterns and knit little hats and blankets for the NICU - I've done loads of th hooded blankets and I put ears on them to make them cute. www.ravelry.com/patterns/sources/bbc-ray-of-hope/patterns

ButtockUp · 26/01/2022 21:01

You said " I love spending money "... please think about future children. Save your money for THEM.
The clothes you've already bought will probably be cast aside for the clothes, in vogue, at the time you have your babies and it sounds as though you'll spend even more when they're born as the haul you have now won't be right.

Please try to rethink your mindset.

VelvetChairGirl · 26/01/2022 21:01

no idea where I've written that I've been planning it all since i was 18, sounds like you need to improve your comprehension

"We’ve been together since we were 18 and we’ve always agreed about money and spending"

BingBangB0ng · 26/01/2022 21:02

You don’t need to save 50k before you try and get pregnant, and if you leave it late trying to do so you may find your whole fund is needed for IVF you could have avoided if you’d tried earlier. The baby clothes thing is mad (a few things, sure! you’ve spend many times what most spend on baby clothes full stop) but the whole plan seems mad honestly.

onlychildhamster · 26/01/2022 21:03

@DueyCheatemAndHow they have lower mortgages/rent and lower expenses maybe? Like yes if your mortgage was £500, you need half of that? I live in London. Or if you work for the NHS or similar secure jobs, I would say you probably don't need to worry about job loss. DH and i work for financial services, DH had an ex colleague who took 8 months to find a new job, that was during brexit negotiations so i think companies were hiring less..

HollaHolla · 26/01/2022 21:03

That's a huge amount to have spent, and continue to spend. Also, what's the guarantee you will definitely have children? We spent 6 years, including the best part of 3 years of fertility treatment - and I have no babies.... In fact, we spent about £15k on fertility treatment over that time. So, you'd be better having a saving fund, in case you need to help fund your own treatment, or any care. Babies are expensive, but not just their clothes.

I would say that I did buy a few bits when we first started trying, and after we struggled so much, I found it really hard. I do still have a couple of outfits which were to be 'special', but I probably spent no more than about £100-£150 on things, and gave them away to friends, and my SIL, as they were better getting use from them.

Tiddlywinkly · 26/01/2022 21:03

Suddenly that one baby gro I bought at Baby Gap when I was 18, 12 years before I eventually had a baby doesn't sound so bad.

Pixxie7 · 26/01/2022 21:05

You must see how ridiculous you are being if you had saved that money you would be nearer your goal. I don’t think many people can afford children but you sound like your in a better position than most. Perhaps you need to revaluate your priorities and just go for it.

cyantist · 26/01/2022 21:08

@somegirlontheinter

Just to clarify, I don’t even have that many items. But one item, like a dungaree set, can be £30 these days! I can always sell them if I’m infertile, I thought.
It's ridiculous but most items, even brand new, sell for a fraction of what they cost. I just bought a beautiful brand new dress for my little girl on vinted, label still attached saying £25. I paid £4. That £30 dungaree set you bought you might get a tenner for if you're lucky. Not a good investment really. You might also develop a major preference for a certain type of item, or brand, and end up not using most of what you've bought.
Pinetreesfall · 26/01/2022 21:08

£50k?! Well that won't last you long. 3 years school fees alone.
Just crack on, stop with the grand plan, who knows what's round the corner!
Just keep your job so you have an income to pay for all those baby clothes

Mummytobe93 · 26/01/2022 21:09

Some people spend £300 pm on a car...some people spend £100+ on alcohol per week on a night out.

Yeah but car is for driving - get you places
Night out - you could say it’s for social interactions that we all need
£2-3k worth of baby clothes?

The only way I could justify it is to think about it as a hobby for you, which is fair enough @somegirlontheinter .

Though I’ve never met anyone who’s so obsessed about savings yet does what you do. I wouldn’t put my life on hold for the sake of money - they’re other things you can get your stability& happiness from too, such as healthy relationships, friendship and family …

If you really want a baby so bad, I wish you getting DH on board sooner rather than later so you can become a mum💐

Helenahandkart · 26/01/2022 21:10

You talk about being able to save enough by the time you’re 35, which presumably means you’re not going to try to conceive until then. How are you going to feel about the thousands of pounds worth of baby clothes filling your house if you’re unable to have a baby? By the time you’re 35 your fertility is in steep decline. You may not have children if you wait. Your £50k offspring budget might get used up in years of unsuccessful IVF treatment.
This is basically what happened to me, minus the thousands of pounds worth of baby clothes.
Have a long think about whether you want to be dealing with selling off all those baby clothes while dealing with the pain of infertility (you don’t btw).
Stop wasting money on babies that might never come to pass.

Lockdownbear · 26/01/2022 21:11

Op I feel for you.

Is it an option to try for a baby now and for you to do your final exams after maternity leave?

Or would your employer be willing to help fund the exams so you can sit them sooner.

Original poster
somegirlontheinter · 26/01/2022 21:13

@VelvetChairGirl

no idea where I've written that I've been planning it all since i was 18, sounds like you need to improve your comprehension

"We’ve been together since we were 18 and we’ve always agreed about money and spending"

how does that mean that I've been planning to save for a child since the age of 18? it simply means that we have always agreed about spending habits.
OP posts:
WildPoinsettia · 26/01/2022 21:14

On the savings/right time thing, are you 100% certain your DP definitely wants DC and isn't using delaying tactics until your prime fertility years are past, in an attempt to ensure it never actually happens?

You're broody now, I'd just have a baby now. You'll make it work somehow. People do.

I felt bad about spending £3k on clothes for myself over lockdown! I bought a bag of second hand baby clothes OP. It cost £15. There were around 20 outfits in there. Your baby will never wear 90% of what you've bought and you'll never get the money back. You may as well have just put it down the drain, literally.

Even if you spent the exact same amount as you're currently spending on baby clothes, on counselling to stop you buying baby clothes, it would be better. At least you'd not be adding to pointless consumption that's destroying the planet and your counselling fees would be helping someone else earn a living!

Saker · 26/01/2022 21:14

It's nice to read a thread where the OP has listened to what people suggest and is going to act accordingly.