DH work from home announcement

[fizzypop100]

I have told DH my feelings on him WFH. He's been at home last 2 years and I can't stand it any more. Said there needs to be some compromise, just one or two days a week in the office.
He's just been speaking to his team leader and asked to WFH for the foreseeable future. I have just told him he's being selfish. His answer was "my mental health". I told him it's affecting MY mental health.
This house is totally dominated by his work. He will not move his computer and desk out of the living room. School holidays are miserable as our teenage son can't do anything as dad is working in the living room.
I'm being an adult right now but can feel anger and tears building up.

It seems to be all about what he wants (close to hub and silence when he works) and what he won't do (clean his clutter and move router). No thought and consideration to rest of the family whatsoever.

He is completely selfish so maybe you and your son can act the same way or suggest that you will. The living room is not an office, he has an office upstairs. He clearly doesn't want to move up there because it requires effort from him to clear out the room and put in a wired connection.

I would suggest that this weekend he moves everything upstairs. I suppose one way to ensure it happens is to be seen with a roll of bin bags and a look of determination on your face.

Good luck. Dh has an office upstairs all wired up for connectivity and privacy.

If he needs an ethernet connection, he needs to buy a powerline adapter. You connect the ethernet from the hub to the adapter and plug it into a normal electrical socket, then plug a second ethernet cable into another adapter to get an ethernet connection in the room of your choice. Don't understand how it works but it does!

I think I would go and start clearing it out to take up the tip

You don't need to extend the hub at all. DH runs a trading desk from his office 2 floors away from our hub and uses a TP link, you just plug the hub into it and then the other end into the electric socket and then another plug into the electric socket in the room you're using the Wi-Fi in and it makes it a wired connection which is just as strong as being near the hub. (Look it upas that probably makes no sense).

Would DH go bonkers if you just started clearing his shit out of the spare room?

He needs to clear out the spare room and work from there or go back to the office, those are the only two options imo.
Yanbu,it's your home not an office so needs to be a relaxing place when you are not working and DC not at school.

Fuck me. Our spare room has been DH's workspace for most of the last 4 years, but for family reasons it was occupied over Christmas. DH was flirting with the notion of temporarily moving downstairs, but I couldn't entertain that, not even for a few weeks. We cleared some surfaces in our bedroom and used my dressing table as a desk for a while. It meant I had to be dressed and gone before his first Teams meeting, but I'm usually up so it wasn't a big deal, and he could shut the door on us all and get on with his day. No way were we all going to tiptoe around him all day long.

@hulahooper2

You are being incredibly selfish , it’s his home too . Doesn’t sound like you work if you spend your time at home , is he the main earner. If he’s happier wfh then let him and make adjustments to suit all

WTF? Have you bothered to read the thread?

A) DS14 has SEN;
B) OP looks after elderly mum across town;
C) there's a spare room manchild could use!!!

put a plug in wifi extender with ethernet port in the spare room

i use one for my laptop to keep the connection stable it extends your wifi through the sockets to any room

@hulahooper2

You are being incredibly selfish , it’s his home too . Doesn’t sound like you work if you spend your time at home , is he the main earner. If he’s happier wfh then let him and make adjustments to suit all

Did you read the whole thread ?

This is what he needs. No electrician or cabling required.

But only if you want to make the spare room work. Personally, I'd hold out for him to go back to the office two days per week.

Clearly not OP.

So is there actually internet in the spare room, good enough for him to use for work?

YANBU

I would tell him your mental health can no longer take it and you are now considering a separation.

He is selfish. He either sorts out his clutter and moves into the guest room immediately, or he goes back to the office. He is not being fair to the other people that live and have to function in the home.

I think WFH and how it's organised is mega tricky. Sounds like your DH could move to a spare room, but is refusing. if he intends to WFH for ever, he needs to create a proper office space. it's not fair otherwise on everyone else.

The wifi can easily be boosted, but that might not even be required - he should try and see.
He sounds pretty selfish and lazy if he won't move to an available space which could be 'his'.

@Whingasaurus

Stop being quiet on the living room use it exactly as you would if he wasn't there. He's not considering you or he'd be in the bedroom where he can find peace and quiet to work.

THAT

You’ve been very nice to him, too nice by letting him think he was owning the whole house and no one else was as important as him.

It’s your house too. It’s your dcs house too.
Use it as such and let him sort out the spare room or what it so he can look after his MH.

After all, he is choosing to wfh for his MH. Fine.
Now your turn to look after your MH and start using your home as a home rather than pussy footing around him

Sorry if this is irrelevant OP but could you be eligible for carer’s allowance for looking after mum?

www.gov.uk/carers-allowance

It’s not much at £67.60 a week but could it be helpful?

@fizzypop100

The spare room is packed full of his clutter

Start to load it in the car and say its going to the tip and that you and your son will be spending time in there to ensure you are out of his way.

If he starts to complain, you make the point that he can have either the living room or the spare room as his own personal space but not both.

I feel your pain, DH has been a nightmare with this though he hasn't worked from home constantly in the past two years.

He's just got a new job which will be working from home 3 days a week. I've put my foot down and said that if this is a permenant arrangement I absoluetely will not tolerate the kitchen, garden, bedroom lounge, front room or DS's playroom again. He MUST use the spare bedroom and make it a permenant office as its grossly unfair and impacting on the rest of the family.

There needs to be a clear line between home / work otherwise I think its damaging to family life. Having a door you close so work doesn't spill over into the family should be done whether you have a spare room available.

Shit excuses like its full of 'stuff' don't cut it.

I've just cleared it out today and I'm going to paint in there to make it a nice room for him to be in.

Sorry wrong thread. Bloody phone.

He wants to be next to the hub with a wired connection..the hub is in the living room.
He won't extend the wired connection to the spare room

Well that’s his issue, not yours.

If the house isn’t designed for him to wfh, then he can’t.

He just cannot make it an office just because he feels like it. Esp when there is an easy solution to the problem but he just can’t be bothered.

DH is WFH. He's in our living room. Difference is that, if DS wants to play his Xbox, they both put headphones on. If DS or I want to put the TV on, DH will go and work on the landing (and has done) as this is our HOME. His choice to WFH - he used to travel 500 miles to work on a Monday and back on a Friday so he's heaven at the moment (even if he does have to work on the landing!) All we have to do is say 'OK to watch x?' and he moves.

During the holidays DS is welcome to have a friend stay overnight and they charge around the house making as much noise as teenagers can. It's his home. I've never heard DH even ask them to quieten down as he puts headphones on and makes calls through them so background noise is cancelled out.

If OP's DH wants peace and quiet he'll either have to move his stuff out of the spare room or find somewhere else to work.

@PattyPan

So is there actually internet in the spare room, good enough for him to use for work?

He only needs a TP link/powerline adaptor. You quite literally plug it into a plug socket and off you go. I have on in our spare bedroom. Works like a charm!

Give him a choice - the spare room either becomes his office or a spare living area for the rest of the family to enjoy while he is working.

Start to load it in the car and say its going to the tip and that you and your son will be spending time in there to ensure you are out of his way.

Why should the OP and dc be restricted to one small room out if the way and the DH has the use of the whole downstairs that he doesn’t need - because he only needs a desk??
Doing that would still be playing to his tune with no respect for the fcat the house is the OP’s and dc’s too.