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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH work from home announcement

477 replies

fizzypop100 · 26/01/2022 14:56

I have told DH my feelings on him WFH. He's been at home last 2 years and I can't stand it any more. Said there needs to be some compromise, just one or two days a week in the office.
He's just been speaking to his team leader and asked to WFH for the foreseeable future. I have just told him he's being selfish. His answer was "my mental health". I told him it's affecting MY mental health.
This house is totally dominated by his work. He will not move his computer and desk out of the living room. School holidays are miserable as our teenage son can't do anything as dad is working in the living room.
I'm being an adult right now but can feel anger and tears building up.

OP posts:
NewYearNewMinty · 26/01/2022 16:08

Why on earth does he need a wired connection?

Assuming your router is set up for WiFi you can get a booster from Argos for about 30 quid.

He's an arse.

Derbee · 26/01/2022 16:08

Start using the living room exactly as you would if he was working from the office. He’ll see he needs to clear the spare room, and work from there, or go into the office a couple of days a week. If he’s not willing to compromise, I think it’s time to force him to compromise

saraclara · 26/01/2022 16:09

He's awful isn't he? I'm so angry on your behalf. I'm sorry that you're not able to leave him. I can't imagine he's any more thoughtful in any other area of your life.

Could you live with your mum? Or would that be a problem with your son's schooling?

saleorbouy · 26/01/2022 16:09

Discuss with him that if this is the become the permanent norm WFH then he needs to set up an office area away from the family communal relaxation area.
It's not good for his mental health to be working in a space he also wishes to relax in as he can still be reminded of work in the evenings and weekends if his work is still visible.
His family also need a space to relax without fear of disturbing him at work.
I'd suggest you make him agree to setting up the spare room as a work/office space.
You all need separation and space for your mental health and to maintain cordial relationships.

Shiloh139 · 26/01/2022 16:09

@Blossomtoes

How did he cope with his mental health before March 2020? It’s an excuse to be an arse.
Tell him to buy a wi-fi extender (I have a TP-Link one something like this: TP Link wifi extender options) and an ethernet cable. Plug the wi-fi extender into a socket in the spare bedroom, put the ethernet cable into the extender and his laptop and he'll be good to go.

Do not continue to put up with him working in the living room. Good luck.

NiceTwin · 26/01/2022 16:10

Get him moved to the spare room, give him an ultimatum (that you can stick to)if you have to.
Tell him the living room will be used as such if he is in there or not.

Shiloh139 · 26/01/2022 16:10

Oops i quoted the wrong message! Should have been OPs about the wifi being in the lounge.

spikesonbuildings · 26/01/2022 16:10

I'd be joining one of those employment programmes that help people who are economically inactive to back into work. Your council should run one or at least know of one.

Its good to feel you have some independence and options when you are married to someone who is so focussed on themself.

Theluggage15 · 26/01/2022 16:11

Does he think he owns you OP? That what he wants goes as he earns the cash? He does not sound nice, not only is he knowingly making life difficult for you, he’s doing the same to your child.

Why can’t you tell him to move or why can’t you carry on as normal? What would he do if you just bashed on using the house without tiptoeing around?

Ignore Hula, obviously drunk or something.

MarshaBradyo · 26/01/2022 16:11

Yanbu

Can he move to another room?

He needs to deal with the connection, the hub is in another room here

TheOrigRights · 26/01/2022 16:11

If his work expect him to WFH then they need to provide him with a suitable set up e.g. pay for better wifi or a wired connection to the spare room.

randomsabreuse · 26/01/2022 16:13

I'd be taking up a noisy hobby - musical instrument or some kind of exercise right above his head. He can't occupy the living room for WFH.

Powerlines are good

WFH is acceptable provided you can go about your daily life in the house - he has the option to return to work or move upstairs instead of being "big important working person" needing to control the house rather than be at work!

RedToothBrush · 26/01/2022 16:13

He wants to be next to the hub with a wired connection..the hub is in the living room.
He won't extend the wired connection to the spare room

'Won't' rather than 'can't'.

We have a booster you plug into an ordinary plug socket as we had internet black spots upstairs.

DH works in programming. He needs a good connection. The booster is sufficient for his work needs. There won't be many (any) people who really need a faster connection than he does.

TELL him, he needs to pull his finger out and you will not be tolerating his behaviour any more and you certainly will not be emotionally abused by the 'selfish' shite and its damaging your mental health. Don't request it. Tell him its non-negotiable.

He is being lazy and selfish. Pure and simple.

Worse case is his employer should be providing him with a booster to ensure that he can work from home in a suitable manner.

MondayYogurt · 26/01/2022 16:13

I'm afraid the wifi might start to fail regularly...

WonderfulYou · 26/01/2022 16:13

I voted YABU until I read you had a spare room.

Him WFH for the foreseeable - great!
Him taking up any room apart from the spare room - unacceptable!

You need to compromise by him having the spare room.
You could offer to help him tidy it out this weekend but you won’t be making no noise in the living room from Monday onwards.

worriedatthemoment · 26/01/2022 16:14

I think need to say if he wants to WFH permanently he needs to use the spare room as an office as its your house too and you will use the frontroom as a frontroom from now on its not an office and you have space elsewhere

Iggly · 26/01/2022 16:15

I would empty the room of his clutter and create a second living room for you and your son tbh.

Topseyt · 26/01/2022 16:15

As @AChickenCalledDaal has linked, wireless signal boosters are what you need. TP Link is a good one.

We have TP Link as our router is also in the living room and DH and DD needed better signal upstairs for working from home.

HollaHolla · 26/01/2022 16:15

There's an awful lot of things he 'won't do'. The world does not revolve around him. Can you show him quite how selfish he's being, by making statements about what you won't do? He wants it all ways, and that doesn't work like that, when you're part of a family that lives together in a shared space.

Sunnyjac · 26/01/2022 16:16

I have no income, only some tax credits.

Um, you have his income. Or is he financially abusive as well as selfish?

worriedatthemoment · 26/01/2022 16:16

I currently work in living room as dh is upstairs wfh if kids are at college i move into there room and if dh is out and about I use our room , we have no spare places and it can be hard in the holidays
So going to office is allowed soon and myself and dh will split wfh and office so family life can resume

FreedomFaith · 26/01/2022 16:17

OK easily fixed.

  1. Rent a skip
  2. Throw his shite in said skip
  3. Move his work shit to spare room
  4. Tell him if he won't work there, his days are going to become very irritating

Sorted. Don't take no for an answer.

Blossom64265 · 26/01/2022 16:18

Stop being quiet in communal spaces. Just stop.

He needs to pick a workspace away from the main communal space. It’s not that difficult. Clutter can be cleared. Bedrooms can be rearranged, even acquiring things like Murphy beds or folding desks. Screens or curtains can be used to create visual and mental divides.

MsAgnesDiPesto · 26/01/2022 16:18

@PearlHart

If he needs an ethernet connection, he needs to buy a powerline adapter. You connect the ethernet from the hub to the adapter and plug it into a normal electrical socket, then plug a second ethernet cable into another adapter to get an ethernet connection in the room of your choice. Don't understand how it works but it does!
Yep, I was going to say this. I work in the room furthest from the hub and my broadband is like lightning with this setup.

He is exerting an unnecessary degree of control over all your lives, and he has no right to do so.

Point out to him that he is no more important than anyone else in your family and he needs to take the absolutely viable option of an alternative space in which to work.