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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

DH work from home announcement

477 replies

fizzypop100 · 26/01/2022 14:56

I have told DH my feelings on him WFH. He's been at home last 2 years and I can't stand it any more. Said there needs to be some compromise, just one or two days a week in the office.
He's just been speaking to his team leader and asked to WFH for the foreseeable future. I have just told him he's being selfish. His answer was "my mental health". I told him it's affecting MY mental health.
This house is totally dominated by his work. He will not move his computer and desk out of the living room. School holidays are miserable as our teenage son can't do anything as dad is working in the living room.
I'm being an adult right now but can feel anger and tears building up.

OP posts:

Theeyeballsinthesky · 26/01/2022 15:07

Has he always failed to think of other people OP? I mean is this ab extension of his use Al behaviour or completely out of character?

littlefireseverywhere · 26/01/2022 15:07

That’s a job for this weekend then! Clear out the spare room.

toomuchlaundry · 26/01/2022 15:07

He needs to move out of the lounge. You may need to force the issue by not avoiding the lounge whilst he is working.

When DH started to WFH in first lockdown he set up his work station in the kitchen. It just wasn't practical, so sorted out a space upstairs, and now doesn't really impact day to day life in the house

Gazelda · 26/01/2022 15:07

Invest in an outdoor storage cupboard and chick all his stuff in there from the spare bedroom? Then turn the spare bedroom into a den for the teens?
Are you at home during the day? Where do you spend time while he's working?

CandyLeBonBon · 26/01/2022 15:08

What 'clutter' of his is in the spare room? He sounds like a super manspreader!!

IncompleteSenten · 26/01/2022 15:08

Re the spare room

Tell him one week to sort it or you will. And it will be bin bags straight to the dump.

MaryShelley1818 · 26/01/2022 15:09

Where do you work? How is it affecting you so much?
My husband works at the kitchen table 3 days per week and he's messy and it can be annoying when we're both trying to do Teams Calls etc - I work on the sofa a lot. Also on a Monday I'm at home with the children and I explain to him it's their home and he can't expect a toddler and baby to be quiet and not want to wander through talking to him when they can see him. He understands that though.
What is your teenage son prevented from doing in the front room that he wants to do? I totally agree that it's his home and that must come first - maybe a compromise could be reached if possible that suits everyone.

BarbaraofSeville · 26/01/2022 15:09

@fizzypop100

The spare room is packed full of his clutter

Well he has plans for the weekend then doesn't he?

Tidy/get rid of the clutter and move his WFH set up into the spare room.

Totally ridiculous for him to use the living room when other people want to use and there is a spare room available, except that it's full of his crap.

Notimeforaname · 26/01/2022 15:09

He's only living like this because he gets away with it.
You simply tell him No. It's not happening anymore.

You will be living life as normal, if he doesnt like it he can move.

QuestionsorComments · 26/01/2022 15:09

DH spent a weekend clearing his junk from the box room so he could wfh in April 2020....

Clutterbugsmum · 26/01/2022 15:09

Time for you to get angry.
He wants to work from home then he does not work in family joint a areas as he can no longer dominate the house for his work.
Let your son do what he wants, you have friends around for coffee.

3scape · 26/01/2022 15:11

Order a skip.

Minniem2020 · 26/01/2022 15:11

You have a spare room and he's working in the living room!? You 100% anbu

Youdoyoutoday · 26/01/2022 15:11

So you have a spare room??
Get a skip and dump the lot then get a desk in there, make sure he pays!

SirChenjins · 26/01/2022 15:12

Fair enough to want to WFH permanently- but not fair enough for him to take over the living room. He needs to clear the spare room and work from there, it’s just common sense.

LIZS · 26/01/2022 15:12

Yanbu. Tell him to clear space in spare room or rent a coworking space.

AryaStarkWolf · 26/01/2022 15:12

@glassofbubbles25

I was going to vote bu until you said he won’t move out the lounge. He works elsewhere but not in communal spaces

Yes same. If he wants to work from home, he needs to get himself a more suitable space sorted out. It's totally selfish to take over communal spaces like that or expect people to tip toe around the house

Walnutblossom · 26/01/2022 15:13

Time to put your foot down about him needing to clear his crap out of the spare room. And make sure you set a deadline.

AryaStarkWolf · 26/01/2022 15:13

Oh wow just read that you actually have a spare room as well. That's so selfish of him

Topseyt · 26/01/2022 15:15

@fizzypop100

The spare room is packed full of his clutter

Then he needs to declutter it and make it his home office.

It isn't fair on everyone else that he is using the living room. Living rooms are communal areas of a house.

Tell him that he must declutter it this weekend and make it useable because beyond then you will no longer allow the living room to be made off-limits for you and the children.

Soubriquet · 26/01/2022 15:16

If he truly loved you, he would work with you and not against you.

He would look at making the spare room into an office for himself.

By refusing to do anything but consider his own mental health and ignoring yours, he’s saying he is more important than anything else and that he doesn’t love you enough to compromise.

SamphiretheStickerist · 26/01/2022 15:16

@fizzypop100

The spare room is packed full of his clutter

Then he needs to unclutter it and use it. NOTHING else is satisfactory.

Time to remind him he is part of a family unit and isn't the King of it!

fairylightsandwaxmelts · 26/01/2022 15:16

Why are you all tiptoeing around him? Are you afraid of him?

2022success · 26/01/2022 15:16

He sounds so selfish.

I would take up saxophone OP and play it all through his work meetings. That should sort it

Seriously - he needs to sort out the spare room and move in there. Don't keep putting up with his utter disrespect and lack of care for you.

Butchyrestingface · 26/01/2022 15:18

@fizzypop100

The spare room is packed full of his clutter

Wee job there for him this weekend then, eh?

Having a dedicated home office is absolutely amazing. As a fellow home worker, I'd recommend it all the way to your selfish man baby him.

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