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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH work from home announcement

477 replies

fizzypop100 · 26/01/2022 14:56

I have told DH my feelings on him WFH. He's been at home last 2 years and I can't stand it any more. Said there needs to be some compromise, just one or two days a week in the office.
He's just been speaking to his team leader and asked to WFH for the foreseeable future. I have just told him he's being selfish. His answer was "my mental health". I told him it's affecting MY mental health.
This house is totally dominated by his work. He will not move his computer and desk out of the living room. School holidays are miserable as our teenage son can't do anything as dad is working in the living room.
I'm being an adult right now but can feel anger and tears building up.

OP posts:
Anjo2011 · 26/01/2022 15:37

*gave

Spilltheteaplease · 26/01/2022 15:38

This would drive me mad. It's totally unfair for him to expect to take over communal spaces in the house when he has the choice of the office or the spare room at home.

Ok, when this all kicked off at first we all made the best of it, sharing spaces etc but actually if you're choosing to stay WFH then you need to have a quiet space where you can shut yourself away from everyone else.

I'm not working in my office today because it was too cold but I accept that I then can't demand quiet and for life around me not to continue. I would never work in the lounge or kitchen if I had meetings or needed silence to focus.

He needs to sort the spare room. I know you shouldn't have to but can you help him to get it done?

PinkSparklyPussyCat · 26/01/2022 15:39

I was sympathetic towards him until I saw you have a spare room. I'm WFH and we haven't been able to use our dining table for nearly 2 years as it's my work space. However I have no spare room and there's no room in the bedroom so we're having to get on with it. As you have a spare room he needs to set it up as his office.

SheldonesqueTheBstard · 26/01/2022 15:41

If he won’t clear his shite from the spare room then that is on him - and not YOU.

I wouldn’t make a hell of a lot of noise but I would live normally. Hoovering. Telly. Radio. Wandering about in my kaftan. Talking. Singing. He doesn’t like it? 🎻

Either that or he goes to the shed. Which in this case would be preferable.

He can do his big man important stuff in there.

His life is made easier by all the things you do. I’d be off to my mum. And then he can learn about all the big important stuff you do with your son.

Because he couldn’t do what he does without you. Flowers

ConstanceL · 26/01/2022 15:41

@fizzypop100

The spare room is packed full of his clutter
Get a skip and get rid of all his crap, then he can move his office into the spare room.

For taking up a communal space he is being unreasonable but not for wanting to work at home full time - it’s his home too!

Upsetdaughter379 · 26/01/2022 15:42

I've been through the same for the past 2 years. Our marriage was suffering anyway before covid and the addition of the WFH nearly lead us to a divorce.
Luckily in one way it forced me to have the make of break conversation with him, because I just didn't care anymore, and luckily it worked and our marriage improved alot. Then he had a minor car accident and that caused him to WFH 100% again which he did for 13 weeks. 3 weeks ago I reminded him of our original conversation and he's gone back to work again a few days a week. It transforms our relationship. But it does worry me about what the future looks like for us, for example retirement, because we obviously don't get on well when we are together all the time Confused

SheldonesqueTheBstard · 26/01/2022 15:42

Though to be fair haveringwavering said it better…

ifonly4 · 26/01/2022 15:43

I think I'd be tempted to tell him that you'll be clearing the spare room, everything can go to the tip, but if he wants a say then he needs to help you.

DH originally worked in the dining room, but we cleared the spare room out together so he could work from there (have to say we'd made a joint decision to have a clear out of the house and shed anyway). If you can sort the working room out, I think things will be much better. It works really well for us, DH starts work around 7.15am (about time he'd leave for work) and is often finished by 5.30pm. It's much nicer for both of us, he breaks off for coffee with me most mornings and can go for a daily walk - not really possible from the office. Also, he can relax earlier in the evening as he hasn't got any travel time.

hulahooper2 · 26/01/2022 15:43

You are being incredibly selfish , it’s his home too . Doesn’t sound like you work if you spend your time at home , is he the main earner. If he’s happier wfh then let him and make adjustments to suit all

Original poster
fizzypop100 · 26/01/2022 15:44

@ZZTopGuitarSolo

What happened when you suggested he work in the spare room?
He wants to be next to the hub with a wired connection..the hub is in the living room. He won't extend the wired connection to the spare room
OP posts:
Blossomtoes · 26/01/2022 15:45

How did he cope with his mental health before March 2020? It’s an excuse to be an arse.

Boomboomackalackalackaboom · 26/01/2022 15:45

@fizzypop100

The spare room is packed full of his clutter
How long before you snap and start chucking his stuff on the front lawn?

You are more patient than me, I’d have done it long ago! I certainly wouldn’t be making teen be quiet in the FAMILY LIVING area from now on. If DH wants to WFH he should get rid of the clutter to make a home office or bugger off back to the actual office.

Selfish twonk.

Wife2b · 26/01/2022 15:46

I don’t think you have the right to tell him to work at the office - be it 1 day per week or 5. However, if I were you I’d be putting my foot down and saying fine work at home if you want to but the compromise is that he goes in the spare room - with or without his clutter.

KatyRebecca84 · 26/01/2022 15:47

WFH but move to another room.. simple! He’s being selfish.

megladon2020 · 26/01/2022 15:47

Stop tiptoeing around him. Make normal day to day noise.

He really needs to clear the spare room and get a portable wireless router (we have 3 in our house), probably about a tenner each.

Thirtytimesround · 26/01/2022 15:47

He can’t work in the living room! When we lived in a flat in lockdown, DH worked in our bedroom, why can’t your DH do that?

Or if he doesn’t want the bedroom then he rents a workspace - there a billion indie ‘rent a room’ places popping up.

He does NOT get to turn the entire house into his own office while the rest of you tiptoe about. That’s incredibly selfish.

KatharinaRosalie · 26/01/2022 15:47

He wants to be next to the hub

And you want to actually live in your home.

User764832 · 26/01/2022 15:47

I can't imagine putting up with that for 2 years, DH worked downstairs for about 2 days and then had to make an office space upstairs as I couldn't put up with it. He sounds very selfish and needs to clear his shit up and work in the spare room

Wife2b · 26/01/2022 15:47

Can you not get an electrician to put a wired point in the bedroom?

LIZS · 26/01/2022 15:48

Why on earth not, he could move the router, use wifi or get a dedicated line installed Hmm We lasted just a few weeks with dh working downstairs before setting up the spare room as an office, and that was with a study room where the router is. However we were all needing access at various times of day and evening so it was not sustainable.

AlDanvers · 26/01/2022 15:48

This isn't a wfh problem. This is a selfish twat of a husband problem.

GettingItOutThere · 26/01/2022 15:48

get an electrician out, sort the hub into the spare room. Clear the clutter out of the spare room and move him into there.

Do it this weekend and tell him you are reclaiming your home. This isnt fair it works both ways, it is not just his house!!

Comedycook · 26/01/2022 15:49

So selfish of him to take over a communal space when there are other options. If wfh is going to be ongoing then it's outrageous you and your ds basically have to put up with this.

Caspianberg · 26/01/2022 15:50

Well that’s tough really isn’t it for him to want to work at the hub. He has several options

  1. move in office and use WiFi
  2. move in office and extend hub connection to office.

Dh works from home. We have a toddler. Toddler plays, people come over, etc. Dh works exclusively in office. Door open if he’s just working on something and happy to hear us or Ds visit, door closed if meetings or needs to concentrate.

Porcupineintherough · 26/01/2022 15:50

Are you scared of his @fizzypop100? What would happen if you arranged for the hub to be moved?