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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH work from home announcement

477 replies

fizzypop100 · 26/01/2022 14:56

I have told DH my feelings on him WFH. He's been at home last 2 years and I can't stand it any more. Said there needs to be some compromise, just one or two days a week in the office.
He's just been speaking to his team leader and asked to WFH for the foreseeable future. I have just told him he's being selfish. His answer was "my mental health". I told him it's affecting MY mental health.
This house is totally dominated by his work. He will not move his computer and desk out of the living room. School holidays are miserable as our teenage son can't do anything as dad is working in the living room.
I'm being an adult right now but can feel anger and tears building up.

OP posts:
james85 · 26/01/2022 15:20

Having his computer and associated work things in the living room is bad for his MH. He can't escape from it! Neither can you.

Rest of family suffer, that is unreasonable.
I won't have it so. My work place is a staircase away in back bedroom. DW works in another space.
Planning an insulated shed next for Summer.

Stompythedinosaur · 26/01/2022 15:20

I was totally going to say you were being unreasonable until you said he wants to work in the living room. That is beyond unreasonable! He needs to clear the spare room or work in your bedroom (I've had to do this in the past in our small house - it isn't ideal but better than arrogantly assuming you can inconvenience the whole household).

ScruffGin · 26/01/2022 15:20

Then his job this weekend is to clear the spare room and move his home office into it. If he doesn't, then just start using downstairs as normal. Any complaints just remind him there's a quiet room upstairs he can work in

Frazzled2207 · 26/01/2022 15:20

He needs to sort his clutter in his spare room! My dh also has a clutter issue and wfh but only ever works from his office (which is where the clutter is). That’s fine. Taking up the main living room permanently is not.

Ozanj · 26/01/2022 15:20

If he works from a family area he gets no privacy. End of. Use the room how you like whether he’s on meetings or not.

Frazzled2207 · 26/01/2022 15:21

But have you really put up with this for 2 years?

KatharinaRosalie · 26/01/2022 15:21

He will not move his computer and desk out of the living room.

If I had a penny for every man who has taken over the living area during the past 2 years and demanding the entire family to tiptoe around them...And in most cases, the men have alternative rooms they could use, they just don't want to.

If he won't move to his spare room, you will not be quiet in the living room.

JugglingJanuary · 26/01/2022 15:22

Why hasn't he cleared out & used the spare room in the previous two years??

He had a choice - office or spare room!

Tell him to stop being such a selfish wanker. You & DS use the communal area as you would if he was in the office.

Original poster
fizzypop100 · 26/01/2022 15:23

I have been caring for our son for 14 years (SEN) and I care for my mum every day. She lives at the other side of our city.
I have no income, only some tax credits.
No money to get my own flat

OP posts:
jackstini · 26/01/2022 15:24

100% he needs to work in the spare room - can't believe he is not! It's very, very selfish of him

Great if wfh helps him, but not if it affects the rest of the family in this way!

I work from home in the spare room and it's much better to have a specific place you can close the door on when you finish

Give him a week
Show him this thread!

Everydaydayisaschoolday · 26/01/2022 15:25

@IncompleteSenten

Tell him fine but normal life resumes for you NOW.

Stop being silent in the living room.

Tell him you will use your home as normal and if he doesn't like it, he can work in a different room or go back to the office.

You need to stop tiptoeing round. Live your lives. Reclaim the living room.

Stop being so considerate of someone who refuses to consider you.

This.
Glitterygreen · 26/01/2022 15:27

This is so frustrating, why is he refusing to work elsewhere in the house? What is his reason for wanting to stay in the living room?

SchoolWillBeUpShitCreek · 26/01/2022 15:27

He's a dick

SleepingStandingUp · 26/01/2022 15:29

I would tell him as he's now working from home forever, he has until BEFORE February half term to sort the spare room and relocate. For HT onwards you and DS will use the living room as it is meant to be used.

Comedycook · 26/01/2022 15:29

Outrageous of him to work in the living room when there's a spare room available. He shouldn't be able to take over two rooms like that when he has a family who need space.

PattyPan · 26/01/2022 15:32

Would you be happy if he were in the spare room? Or you you need him out of the house?

midlifecrash · 26/01/2022 15:32

He’s appropriated the spare room and the lounge. I think you and your son should piss in his desk, reclaim the territory

Runningincircles · 26/01/2022 15:33

Start clearing the spare room of his clutter. Do it loudly, whilst he is working. Bag it up and put it in the garage, attic or bin.
Tell him to work from the spare room.
He is being selfish. He has the option to work from the office or the spare room, he just can't be bothered to sort it out.
He doesn't care about how him working from the living room is affecting the rest of the family.

skgnome · 26/01/2022 15:33

He needs to move to the spare room
We all worked in random places on lockdown 1, but most people found a dedicated corner outside communal areas to use as a office
If anything to be able to separate work from home life and be able to leave your work stuff together in one place
Even if the sore room is cluttered he can move stuff around, start working there and if it’s all his stuff, he can decide when to organise it

Happierthanever91 · 26/01/2022 15:35

I'd be fuming. My OH was working from home and that was in another room which stressed me out enough but taking over a communal room is bang out of other. Get him to sort out his clutter like an adult and move his stuff.

Porcupineintherough · 26/01/2022 15:36

@fizzypop100

The spare room is packed full of his clutter
Well that's his problem. I'd be taking up the bloody trombone if I were you (my dh is also permanently wfh since 2020, we turned the spare room into a home office for him last summer).
HaveringWavering · 26/01/2022 15:36

Your husband is a selfish cunt.

Anjo2011 · 26/01/2022 15:36

I feel your pain and I think your situation is very common. Same in my house, nearly two years for DH wfh too. Taking over the living room, snap! Two weeks ago I reminded him he had a room upstairs that was fully kitted out for wfh. I said he needed to separate work from home and also this is our family home . He was pretty receptive . We have it a good sort out so there’s no excuse for him not to be working there. I agree with many others, tell him it’s your home not an office and he can park himself elsewhere in the day.

ZZTopGuitarSolo · 26/01/2022 15:36

What happened when you suggested he work in the spare room?

Wreath21 · 26/01/2022 15:37

It's not just WFH, is it? He's been training you for years to accept that he is the person in the household and you and DC are somewhere between servants and accessories to his image. I bet he does fuck all in the way of domestic work and childcare and keeps you to a strict household budget as he is the one who Earns Money therefore it's up to him what it's spent on...