Hi guys, this is more of a rant than question but any all advice will be much appreciated!
Throughout my pregnancy my MIL has done a few things to make me uncomfortable, overwhelmed and at times angry. In the beginning she would bug us about when she could tell people and then when she was finally able to, I found out she was telling people she was so excited to raise her grandchild. We announced on social media the news and on the same day posted an announcement about them becoming grandparents and basically took the spotlight for herself if she was there when we told people in person by declaring multiple times “I’m going to be a grandmother!” She constantly refers to the baby as HER baby and she’s even set up a nursery complete with cot, change table, pram, nursing chair, bouncer and chest of drawers at their house BEFORE we had set our own up. I told her that I didn’t want a theme for the nursery for various reasons but because she insisted on making things like blankets, sheets, play mats etc she has chosen a theme. She then got offended when I told her I wouldn’t be using the cot bumpers and quilt she had made as they can be dangerous. When my father in law was organising his annual leave for the Christmas break she got annoyed at him because now he won’t have any to take time off when the baby comes. I mean seriously, why does he need to take time off? She doesn’t work at all so I feel like she’s going to want to be over ALL the time.
I’ve started talking to my partner about us setting some boundaries for when baby arrives, just things like if we tell them I’m in labour they are not to contact us, if we need anything we will ask, they are not to tell anyone else that I’m in labour or when the baby is born, I don’t really want visitors the day we get home and when people want to come over, they need to either call or message first. Now these boundaries are for his family AND my family but he just takes offence to it and thinks I’m not being fair to his family. The difference is, this will be the 4th grandchild in my family so it’s not as big of deal for them whereas for his it will be the first. We also come from different backgrounds so each families expectations are different. I just want him to understand that I’m not doing it to hurt/be mean to his family but I will also be recovering from child birth so will need time to rest/heal/connect with our baby and I just don’t feel I can do that when people will be there all time, even if they are just trying to help. I just get the feeling his mum is going to want to be so involved and it’s really stressing me out!