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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Odd text message from partner

447 replies

OtherNameblahblah · 25/01/2022 16:11

Hi all,

I've been on here for ages - name changed for this as I want it separate to my usual account.

My DP has gone away overnight for a course, he says he told me about it ages ago but I have no memory of this. We were chatting on WhatsApp and while he drives he uses a voice to text feature. We had a normal conversation up until I got a message that said the following;

'I'm waving at Stonehenge for you, it's very misty'

I asked what he meant, he said he meant he was waving at Stonehenge for me as it's cool and it's what people do. I said I'd never heard of this before, and asked if he meant to message someone else saying 'I'm waiting for you at Stonehenge...'

He's insisting that he meant he was waving 'for me' at Stonehenge, which sounds really weird to me. Is this a thing that I've just not heard of?

I'm a bit worried that he was trying to message someone else and sent it to me instead, and his voice to text changed 'waiting' to 'waving'.

Am I being paranoid? He's just changed the subject entirely after doubling down that he meant he was just driving past Stonehenge and that was quite cool. He's a great bloke and I have never had any reason to doubt him until this very moment. I just have a horrible feeling he's fibbing...

Can anyone reassure me that I'm just being a silly old bint??

We've been together on and off for almost 2 years.

OP posts:
XmasElf10 · 25/01/2022 17:40

Sounds exactly like something I’d say. I wave at stuff for people regularly!

Freecuthbert · 25/01/2022 17:41

Why don't you pretend you're on your way over to him to surprise him, see what his reaction is.

That's actually mental, if I went away for a course and my partner was pretending he was travelling across the country to "surprise" me right after accusing me of shagging at Stonehenge, I'd think they were a loon and dump them.

oviraptor21 · 25/01/2022 17:41

I'd wave at Stonehenge too and could easily envisage saying this.
I love Stonehenge. It's an iconic place.

Freecuthbert · 25/01/2022 17:41

@TatianaBis

Sometimes gut feeling is just paranoia and insecurity.
Couldn't agree more!
Lifeisaminestrone · 25/01/2022 17:42

This is making me laugh!!
Poor husband sending a friendly text and backfired to sound like he is up to no good at Stonehenge.

I now have visions of mythical nymphs having a big orgie on the rocks.

Just call him - btw I don’t think it is always healthy to think DH up to no good. My friend thought this and started spying on him. She caught him buying a present and automatically assumed OW but then found out it was for her as had been ill! Suspect when genuine suspicions but otherwise do think if being overly anxious. It can, in all serious cause problems, my friend is now divorced.

Krustykrabpizza · 25/01/2022 17:42

Waving at a monument is odd but not as odd as meeting someone at Stonehenge for a secret affair

KatyRebecca84 · 25/01/2022 17:42

I wouldn’t think it was weird at all. Would assume he meant, ahh I just drove past a landmark and gave it a wave for you as you’re not here!

Abraxan · 25/01/2022 17:43

The course bit is potentially more of an issue though again could be an innocent mistake on either part too. And it's why we have a shared family calendar to avoid it potentially happening.

Dh is quite prone to thinking he's told me something when he's more likely mentioned it to someone else and forgot to mention to me. Not deliberately or about a night away, but sometimes about needing to work later or start early, or even just random bits of conversation. I've done similar. We now add things to the diary as well.

HappyintheHills · 25/01/2022 17:43

What if was Stonehenge Services? cheap rooms in the hotel there.

Regularsizedrudy · 25/01/2022 17:43

I think you’ve made a huge logical leap, it would never occur to me that he meant waiting. Does he have form for cheating?

Also you can’t wait at Stonehenge. Its between 2 motorways and you can’t get anywhere near it these days.

Lifeisaminestrone · 25/01/2022 17:43

@TatianaBis summed up better than me!

Kennykenkencat · 25/01/2022 17:46

I would think waiting at Stonehenge sounds weird given where Stonehenge is and where you need to go to meet someone.

Waving at Stonehenge sounds perfectly fine

And people stopping suddenly, probably to see it sounds right as well

burnoutbabe · 25/01/2022 17:48

lets say he was meeting his mistress for a weekend of passion near Stonehenge

Surely you would meet her at a hotel. there is nothing around Stonehenge, the car park is on the other side of the road, you can pull in there and try (and then walk and try and look through the fence at the rocks), but can hardly see anything.

But its not the natural place one would meet one's mistress to go off and shag. There is no real public transport there. I mean you may collect her from Salisbury station if she got the train but not Stonehenge!

Abraxan · 25/01/2022 17:49

@Nocutenamesleft

Missed the point

But is he texting using WhatsApp and driving? Even if he is using the voice to text messages

Is he texting?

My car reads texts to me (it doesn't show me the texts in the screen) and I can ask it to send a message for me. I don't need to touch my phone or the car screen to do it. I just touch a button on the steering wheel and then speak. Dh doesn't even have to press a button - he just says 'hey' like you would for 'hey Google.'

When using it the phone screen isn't displayed anywhere, so no distraction if seeing the words etc. It's all spoken.

KurtWilde · 25/01/2022 17:50

@TatianaBis

Sometimes gut feeling is just paranoia and insecurity.
100% this. Unless he's got form and you've reason to not trust him, you're making something out of nothing and tying yourself in knots unnecessarily.
Original poster
OtherNameblahblah · 25/01/2022 17:52

Thanks again for all the responses, the good, the bad and the ugly!

I actually do feel a bit better, and to answer some previous questions;

We were on and off because we got together via a 'hook up' site and he wanted a relationship but I wasn't ready. I foolishly went with it despite my misgivings and after a few months we broke up because I had recently come out of a 10-year marriage and wasn't ready. We stayed apart for about 6 months and then met up again as friends - this slowly grew into a relationship that I am now very happy in.

He has never given me any reason to mistrust him. It's (as others have deduced) the combination of all three odd out-of-character things, namely going on a course (he's a driving instructor about to undertake his part 3), saying he told me but I don't remember it, sending the message and not booking accommodation until the last second when his friend offered to put him up. I don't know the friend personally but DP speaks of him and he's his best friend.

I've never been to Stonehenge, and have no knowledge so it's good to know how unlikely it is!!

It's usual for him to voice text me rather than call, we both prefer it.

I am being medicated for anxiety, so that's probably part of the reason it sat wring with me. As I said before thank you for showing me I'm being silly, he's a wonderful man and I really love him. Just a paranoid few minutes that you've talked me down from :)

OP posts:
TheVolturi · 25/01/2022 17:52

All the people saying trust your gut, ffs! Why would he be waiting at stonehenge! For the druids to come? It's obviously a misunderstanding.

EsmeraldaandTeenytiny · 25/01/2022 17:52

@SamphiretheStickerist I think I want your dh - I love stupid stuff like that Grin

Darkstar4855 · 25/01/2022 17:53

Sounds perfectly normal to me. He’s trying to make conversation on his drive. I think you are overthinking this.

Fuuuuuckit · 25/01/2022 17:55

I wave at everything (and say so), I think it started when the kids were little. Trains, Eddie Stobart lorries, the Black Cat on the A1 roundabout, the sea as we're leaving, most farm animals and certainly monuments. But I am a bit odd, and my dp accepts my foibles.

I think you were a bit paranoid op.

WallaceinAnderland · 25/01/2022 17:55

Poor guy. He's driving along the A303, he's thinking of you, Stonehenge comes into view and he waves at it - hey, it's Stonehenge - as you do. Nearly rear ends someone because everyone slows down to gawp and wave at Stonehenge and now he's in a world of trouble. Unless you have reason not to trust him I think you're making a mountain out of a monument.

oviraptor21 · 25/01/2022 17:56

The Stonehenge bit all good.
But why all the way to Cambridge for ADT pt.3?

MrsRussell · 25/01/2022 17:56

@OtherNameblahblah my DH and I are going to an event in a couple of weeks. I haven't booked it either, in case we end up locked down again or we're self isolating or some bloody thing. EVERYTHING that might cost us money is last minute these days.

We used to drive past Stonehenge every year on the way to the big re-enactment at Hastings. It's cold, it's flat, it's always effing raining and unless you wanted a coach party of tourists taking photos of your arse it's the last place on God's earth you'd go for an outdoor shag.

diddl · 25/01/2022 17:56

I've never heard of anyone waving at anything for someone else.

So if my husband said he was doing it, especially if it was something I'd never expressed an interest in then I'd be quite bemused tbh.

Would my mind jump to "waiting at"?

Only if I didn't trust him!

I'm so old that when I visited SH you could get right up to the stones & touch them!

KurtWilde · 25/01/2022 17:57

Ah @OtherNameblahblah I hope you'll feel a little less anxious now Smile

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