Children playing with water outside in this weather

[Dillpickles]

I received a text from nursery yesterday asking me to bring another coat, socks and shoes for DC to change into when I collect a pick up because the children were playing with water outside and got wet. I always include a spare outfit in DC' nursery bag IE pants, trousers and a top aswell as nappies and wipes but not a spare coat and shoes..

We're not a well off family. I'm a single parent on a zero hours contract so my DC don't own several coats and umpteen pairs of shoes. He has one all-weather coat, a couple pairs of trainers that he's growing out of and his new well fitting trainers that he had on. I don't scrimp when I buy his shoes and coats because I want them to last a good while.

I get there and he's in his spare outfit but his initial outfit is handed to me in a bag absolutely soaked through, as is his coat both inside and out. Dripping wet. His trainers were like bogs. It was as though he'd been jumping in a flipping lake not playing with water in a garden. I'm not exaggerating.

So he had to walk home in trainers that barely fit him anymore which caused a meltdown and made me feel terrible.

I was made to feel bad as though he should have lots of spare coats and trainers in the event of something like this happening. I don't know about you but I tend not to send him outdoors to play in water to this degree in the middle of winter..

His trainers don't let water in when simply walking in the rain or even jumping in the odd puddle so goodness knows what he was actually doing.

He does have a pair of wellington boots but he can't wear them. He's autistic with sensory issues.

AIBU to think the children shouldn't be outside getting soaked in water in the middle of winter when it's blistering cold, or am I just feeling defensive because it has highlighted that I'm an inadequate parent for not having plenty of coats?

I think you can get spare coats from charity shop or ebay. I got a really warm down coat for £4 as a spare for my toddler. Ok its bright orange and not what i'd normally buy but for emergencies then I don't think it matters too much. A pair of cheap trainers from supermarket as a spare is fine too.

I'd prefer my toddler to be outside having fun than stuck indoors or being taught that we don't go out in the cold.

Could you find a spare set in a local charity shop? Doesn't need to be anything amazing - just for emergencies like this, and times you know he'll probably get filthy (like a woodland walk)

Our nursery and preschool had class puddlesuits to keep their clothes dry. I didnt have multiple shoes and coats either.

My dc never had loads of coats either. I had neither the funds to buy them or the space to store them. Likewise shoes. They had 1 pair as pre-schoolers, plus wellies. Then school shoes and trainers once they started school.
Playing outside in winter = fun. Yes please.
Playing outside in winter getting soaked = no thanks.

Sympathy, but I voted YABU (gently) as outdoor/messy play is generally good for children. Were the other kids in wellies?

I think if your DS' additional needs mean he can only tolerate one type of trainers it would be worth trying to get a backup second pair of the same/similar ones. Maybe someone on here has an old pair or you could find them on ebay? You're not a bad mum , you are doing your best and most people have way too much stuff!

You can get cheap stuff second hand. Them being outside in all weathers is a cause for celebration. Good on your nursery!

The nursery should have puddlesuits and wellies. It’s not ok to totally soak a pair of shoes.

I would gently point that out. And in the meantime see if you can pick them up second hand for yourself.

At least they are having fun play though, there is that.

Yeah sorry I think you’ve hit the nail on the head it’s highlighted your feelings of inferiority, being unable to provide what others easily can.

It’s fine to be outdoors splashing around as long as they’re wrapped up well, and the little ones love it. Like PPs have said try charity shops or market place, it’s probably a good idea to have spares incase his coat/shoes get ruined or even lost at nursery.

I don't think your being completely unreasonable. I think it's great for kids to be outside and play no matter the weather but getting wet to that extent in nursery would annoy me! It's not good for them to be that soaked in such cold.
I don't have a spare coat for my eldest but do for my youngest just as I happened to be given some. I would probably have brought a big hoody, or woolly jumper as well as a zip up instead.
The do have more than one pair of shoes/a pair of wellies.
As a PP said I would defo get a cheap second hand pair or supermarket pair for him if he can't wear wellies.

You are 100% not a bad mum!

You could also speak to the nursery and explain. I assume they know he has additional needs.

Thank you for the replies, I think getting a spare coat from a charity shop is a good idea. I will have a look in my local one when I get paid and donate his older trainers whilst there.

I didn't think it was nessecarily bad of me not to own several coats until yesterday. A friend of mine is in a similar situation financially and her boys only have one decent coat each. I left the nursery feeling terrible.

Also space to store multiple coats and shoes is an issue like with PP, so there's that.

Nursery said he had an apron on, you know them thin bin bag type ones that cover the chest and belly that you put on children when they're painting. I'm not sure what good that is supposed do if they're getting soaked.

Who has a spare coat for a child? You buy one that you know will dry quickly if you have to wash it.
Outdoor play is one thing but getting soaked in January is another.
Unless you are in Australia.

In one way outdoor messy play is great even in winter. However getting soaked through when it's as cold as it is - I wouldn't be happy with that.

Agree with PP about buying a second hand set to keep as spare just in case. There's usually some decent deals on Facebook marketplace or eBay.

IME schools can be quite inflexible and it seems worse when older. Mine were expected to leave a pair of “school gym trainers” at school for a 1 hr a week PE lesson - which they grew out of in months.

My budget (and sensibilities!) doesn’t stretch to trainers worn for 10 hours indoors only to be grown out of…

Thankfully mine are a bit older now and the growing is temporarily slowing. I have autistic children with sensory issues and shoes have been a massive problem - coats worse. When I find a coat they can tolerate the feel of, I have to buy it 3 sizes too large.

The school/nursery really should have spares for outdoor equipment- AND an understanding that many parents’ budget won’t stretch to eg a snowsuit worn for an hour every 2 years!

They don’t need anything expensive or fancy as a spare for nursery so I’d be looking on eBay or in charity shops for a cheap spare coat personally. Also some wellies, again could be found second hand in eBay or a charity shop. If he had wellies on rather than trainers, his feet wouldn’t have got wet.

Water play is fine in the winter provided they have correct clothing on. Trainers won’t cut it I’m afraid. Tbh, a puddlesuit or waterproof trousers as well as a coat would be ideal. You can find things like this for very cheap if you shop around. I think DS’s rain dungarees were a tenner from sainsburys and he wears them a lot.

He has wellies but can't tolerate wearing them because of his sensory issues.

I'm going to budget for a puddle suit / spares when I get paid as I agree it's worth doing incase of something like this. I'll see if I can find some second hand.

The nursery do know he's autistic yes. He starts his special needs school in September.

I was also reminded that the children need to arrive in a hat, gloves and scarf because of the weather. He does arrive in a hat and gloves but you have more chance of winning the lottery than you have of making him wear a scarf (again, sensory issues)

I feel so embarrassed and shitty today

His coat is waterproof so I don't actually know how it wound up getting soaked inside unless it was unzipped or he took it off.

We often walk places in the rain with that coat and those trainers on and don't have this problem.

They should absolutely not be playing and getting completely soaked in this weather.

That's absolutely ridiculous and I would be very concerned if my nursery let my kid do that. Absolutely ridiculous.

Playing outside is fine. But it's not fine to be getting soaked down to your shoes at the moment. They're insane.

Perhaps raise this constructively with the nursery?

Ask them to provide basic puddlesuits for the children if they are going to extend their play to water play whatever the weather.

Puddlesuits can be worn over coats if it's cold.

I understand finances as I'm also a single parent. However I also work SN education (and my own ds is autistic!).

When he starts special school there will be a great amount of sensory play and clothes will get wet/dirty. Our early years department have puddlesuits for this reason that we put on the children.

You can also ask the nursery exactly how he needed up so wet. It maybe they didn't intend for it to happen and he tipped it over his head or climbed in the tray or something?

Have a look on Ebay for a puddlesuit or coat, it'll be much cheaper - they're pricey new but reasonable second-hand. I got my son's puddlesuit for this winter on Ebay in the summer for £8, worth about £30. Regatta is a good brand, we've had John Lewis in the past which were great, and Jojo Maman do waterproof trousers if he won't tolerate a full suit. Don't bother with Sainsbury's/Tu, they're showerproof but not sitting-down-in-puddles-proof.

Don't feel embarrassed. Mine doesn't have a spare coat at nursery either, and I'd be annoyed if it came home soaking because they should be putting them in waterproofs. Wet/messy play is great and it's good that they're doing it even in cold weather, but they need appropriate clothes, just like adults would.

This used to annoy me about nursery. I don't get how getting wet and ruining shoes in the winter is useful. Surely children should be encouraged to stay warm and dry when it's cold. I would be pissed off if my DC came back with a bag full of soaking clothes YADNBU.

For that sort of age, a puddle suit is pretty much an outdoor uniform. Thry dont have to be expensive (most of my kids ones are second hand) but will stop him getting so wet.

Trainers aren't suitable for wet outdoor play - I know you say he can't wear wellies but maybe have a look and try and find other waterproof shoes or coverings.

The thing is, with wellies and puddlesuits, they can usually play with water without getting very wet at all.

Have you tried some snow boots instead of wellies? Like this www.jojomamanbebe.co.uk/mountain-winter-boots-b8451.html?gclid=CjwKCAiA3L6PBhBvEiwAINlJ9KjZcRh0SRYgKYhDjirODpcior4IvqYexJqkyBSd6pSZkzHu0Ihm4hoCEHMQAvD_BwE, fleece lined so much more comfortable than rubber wellies.

We go to an outside nursery so they do play in water and get soaked whatever the weather, all of our waterproofs were second hand (no point in new ones because they get coated in paint and mud!) We get ours from eBay and Facebook marketplace. Our county also has quite a few clothes exchanges where you can go and get what ever you want for free, they always have splash suits in!

I voted yabu, you’d be horrified at my school if you’re upset about a wet child. My school has its own forestry school where once or twice a week every class goes out and climbs trees/builds dens and fires and gets extremely mucky. Over the last year they’ve spent over a million pounds on the playgrounds including fountains/water features, a sand pit and mud kitchen, a sensory garden and 4 vegetable gardens. The children get filthy every day. They all keep a pair of wellies in school and a spare change of clothes which get handed over at pick up time to be taken home and washed. You can kit out a child with wellies a jumper and joggers for less than a tenner in primark and probably even less in a charity shop. I’ve never had an issue with coats because I always keep whichever one they had last for spare even if it’s a little small/stained etc. I think people are just being pedantic trying to complain about lack of space over storing a small coat and a tiny pair of shoes.

I don't think everyone has a spare coat either - we don't. Its not been an issue because of the puddlesuit thankfully.

I understand ,my son is a lot older than yours he's nearly 12 but he has severe autism and learning disabilities ,his special school have a habit of sending him home with paint etc in his uniform and coat so they need washing ,I only have a couple of sets of uniform ,incidentally do you get DLA for your child ?