Children playing with water outside in this weather

[Dillpickles]

I received a text from nursery yesterday asking me to bring another coat, socks and shoes for DC to change into when I collect a pick up because the children were playing with water outside and got wet. I always include a spare outfit in DC' nursery bag IE pants, trousers and a top aswell as nappies and wipes but not a spare coat and shoes..

We're not a well off family. I'm a single parent on a zero hours contract so my DC don't own several coats and umpteen pairs of shoes. He has one all-weather coat, a couple pairs of trainers that he's growing out of and his new well fitting trainers that he had on. I don't scrimp when I buy his shoes and coats because I want them to last a good while.

I get there and he's in his spare outfit but his initial outfit is handed to me in a bag absolutely soaked through, as is his coat both inside and out. Dripping wet. His trainers were like bogs. It was as though he'd been jumping in a flipping lake not playing with water in a garden. I'm not exaggerating.

So he had to walk home in trainers that barely fit him anymore which caused a meltdown and made me feel terrible.

I was made to feel bad as though he should have lots of spare coats and trainers in the event of something like this happening. I don't know about you but I tend not to send him outdoors to play in water to this degree in the middle of winter..

His trainers don't let water in when simply walking in the rain or even jumping in the odd puddle so goodness knows what he was actually doing.

He does have a pair of wellington boots but he can't wear them. He's autistic with sensory issues.

AIBU to think the children shouldn't be outside getting soaked in water in the middle of winter when it's blistering cold, or am I just feeling defensive because it has highlighted that I'm an inadequate parent for not having plenty of coats?

On a FB group I'm in, people would be falling over themselves to give your child a warm jacket and shoes (secondhand, obviously). Don't you have a similar local group?
I think you need to get a bit resourceful on this. He really doesn't need to own only one coat.

I don’t think you’re a rubbish parent at all. Even at times when I’ve had more money I wouldn’t have thought a second thick coat was a necessity. Plenty of fun messy outdoor play and wet play can happen without drenching a coat and shoes through.

Please don't feel embarrassed or like a bad mum though - no need for that at all.

@TulipsTwoLips

I don’t think you’re a rubbish parent at all. Even at times when I’ve had more money I wouldn’t have thought a second thick coat was a necessity. Plenty of fun messy outdoor play and wet play can happen without drenching a coat and shoes through.

I second this

No need to feel bad about only having one coat. If that’s all you have space and money for, it’s fine.
But I am surprised at the competitive minimalism on this thread. Where I live now, not in the uk, kids are required to have a snow suit, a puddle suit (essentially a plastic coat and trousers) and a coat as a minimum. On top of that most kids have a light jacket, a gilet and a thermal or shell suit. I worked in a nursery so that’s just what I saw.

On the 'spare coat' - we would cover emergency situations by just wearing lots of jumpers. That works particularly well if the outer layer or two is a zip-up hoodie style. So jumper or two, hoodie, hat & gloves - no one even knows the difference? Fleece is also water-repellent enough for light rain.

It's not unusual for children not to like wearing a scarf. A buff can work well instead.

@RockallMalinHebrides I think the style and fashion board would disagree

@gogohm 100% agree about the Clark’s cult, I think it’s the measuring that lures people in!

I think there's a complete difference between outdoor play in this weather and getting soaked. Outdoor play is great. They should be out in all weathers and exploring, playing and even getting a bit grubby, but getting wet to that extent in the middle of winter when you are at school so can't go home for a bath etc is stupid. I'm pretty sure kids can learn about the outdoors and get fresh air without getting so wet that the inside of their trainers are wet.

@Winniemarysarah
With respect this is a nursery not a school with its own outdoor centre!

We buy one winter coat, one pair of school shoes, trainers, wellies and sandals if summer. I don't have multiples of the same genre of shoe. When at nursery ours used to wear a nursery issue puddle suit.

@hotmess19

No need to feel bad about only having one coat. If that’s all you have space and money for, it’s fine. But I am surprised at the competitive minimalism on this thread. Where I live now, not in the uk, kids are required to have a snow suit, a puddle suit (essentially a plastic coat and trousers) and a coat as a minimum. On top of that most kids have a light jacket, a gilet and a thermal or shell suit. I worked in a nursery so that’s just what I saw.

It's hardly competitive minimalism to be prioritising money elsewhere!

Op please accept one of the offers of a free coat/ outdoors suit from someone here. If somebody is only going to put it in a charity bag, they may as well post it to you instead. Please take up one of the offers.

I wouldn't expect nursery to encourage children to get completely soaked with water in January, but I think it's ok to play with water outside, and possibly your child got excited and soaked himself when nursery were intending them to just splash a bit.

Probably they didn't consider that he wasn't wearing wellies, the other children were probably wearing wellies so had dry shoes to change into.

Getting feet soaked will be an issue in summer too. Are there any other types of shoes he would tolerate instead of wellies, to have a spare pair at nursery for water activities? If you asked on local fb groups for old shoes in his size for spares I'm sure somebody would gift some shoes, people are often unsure what to do with old shoes.

It's very concerning that the nursery initially only asked for coat, socks, shoes. This suggests that they didn't even know that he was soaked through until later. Iwould ask exactly how he got so wet.

TBF to the nursery it's hardly concerning when the OP had already provided a spare set of clothes so they just needed the OP to bring stuff that wasn't already at the nursery - coat/socks/shoes.

When DD was at nursery and for most children they always have a full spare set of clothes - top, jumper, leggings/joggers, underwear and socks - in their bag but it would never have occurred to me to have spare shoes/coat too (though at DDs nursery they didn't wear shoes indoors so they asked for us to provide slippers which stayed at nursery so if she got soaked she would have had something to wear on her feet for the rest of the day but would have needed me to bring new shoes to walk home in)

I think YANBU

There's a huge difference between a muddy walk or play and kids getting soaked through to the point where their coats are unwearable.

I've now seen 3 children through nursery, all which encouraged lots of outdoor play and activities. I can't think of a single occasion where I've been asked to provide an extra coat because they plan on ruining the old my child arrived in. Don't get me wrong, I've arrived to some absolutely filthy coats and shoes but never unwearable.

If they're going to be doing that sort of play they need to provide puddle suits or tell parents to.

The thing about the scarf and gloves is ridiculous too. I drive, they don't even arrive with their coat on, I chuck it in their bag with their gloves etc and leave it at that.