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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Children playing with water outside in this weather

166 replies

Dillpickles · 25/01/2022 08:28

I received a text from nursery yesterday asking me to bring another coat, socks and shoes for DC to change into when I collect a pick up because the children were playing with water outside and got wet. I always include a spare outfit in DC' nursery bag IE pants, trousers and a top aswell as nappies and wipes but not a spare coat and shoes..

We're not a well off family. I'm a single parent on a zero hours contract so my DC don't own several coats and umpteen pairs of shoes. He has one all-weather coat, a couple pairs of trainers that he's growing out of and his new well fitting trainers that he had on. I don't scrimp when I buy his shoes and coats because I want them to last a good while.

I get there and he's in his spare outfit but his initial outfit is handed to me in a bag absolutely soaked through, as is his coat both inside and out. Dripping wet. His trainers were like bogs. It was as though he'd been jumping in a flipping lake not playing with water in a garden. I'm not exaggerating.

So he had to walk home in trainers that barely fit him anymore which caused a meltdown and made me feel terrible.

I was made to feel bad as though he should have lots of spare coats and trainers in the event of something like this happening. I don't know about you but I tend not to send him outdoors to play in water to this degree in the middle of winter..

His trainers don't let water in when simply walking in the rain or even jumping in the odd puddle so goodness knows what he was actually doing.

He does have a pair of wellington boots but he can't wear them. He's autistic with sensory issues.

AIBU to think the children shouldn't be outside getting soaked in water in the middle of winter when it's blistering cold, or am I just feeling defensive because it has highlighted that I'm an inadequate parent for not having plenty of coats?

OP posts:
Mumdiva99 · 25/01/2022 09:16

If money is an issue please go on your local FB group and ask if anyone has a spare old coat in age x to x that they could give you for nursery. Ditto old trainers etc. People usually do when requests come onto our local pages.

If space to store a spare coat is an issue the get a thin (But largeish) waterproof. You can layer under it, and hopefully it will last a couple of years.

Dillpickles · 25/01/2022 09:18

When I was getting my lecture about spare coats and shoes I said I would be sure to get him another coat but that I was surprised the children were outside getting soaked to that extent in this weather in the first place.

She said that it was warm water, but does that make much of a difference when it's freezing outside? It certainly doesn't stay warm when it's soaked through all layers of clothes and he's out there for god knows how long (Even his pants on top of his nappy were soaked)

She asked whether I don't want him to play with water outside and I said that's not the case, I just don't want him being soaked to that degree because spare clothes aside it's freezing. Plus he's just getting over a cold

OP posts:
Moonopoly · 25/01/2022 09:20

How old is your DC? I have a spare coat and puddle suit (depending on age) that I’m happy to post to you if they fit

Talipesmum · 25/01/2022 09:20

I do think it’s fine for them to be playing outside with water etc even in the winter.

BUT the nursery needs to make sure in advance that they have a full change of clothes before soaking the ones they’ve got.

It’s not ok for them to presume you’ve got spares of shoes or coats, certainly not at the last minute. What if you were picking up straight from work and couldn’t bring anything extra? And of course you don’t always have spares of shoes or coats. They grow out of things so quickly.

Def a good idea to have spares if you can. But irresponsible of nursery to assume you can provide coat and shoes spares at a moments notice.

miltonj · 25/01/2022 09:20

Out door play is usually good for children sure... but getting absolutely soaked through when it's 3 degrees out side is unfair and not an appropriate activity. I can't even imagine the kids really enjoying it.

You're absolutely not unreasonable to not have multiple shoes and coats for him at this age. And the nursery shouldn't have made you feel bad about it.

Deadringer · 25/01/2022 09:24

I only ever had one decent pair of shoes and coat for my dc too, i would just hang on to their old ones for emergency spares, i think outside play is great but if they are going to get that wet you should be told in advance so you can dress him accordingly.

morechocolateneededtoday · 25/01/2022 09:24

I think it is absolutely fine to play with water outside in this weather but nursery really do need to warn you in advance that they will be and also request the relevant clothing before they do.

Nursery told us when DS started that they do this and requested he has a puddlesuit and wellies to be kept there. If we need them at home because we don't have multiples, he can bring it in each day but they do not allow water/mud play without it. I would also be very annoyed if his everyday shoes (which are not cheap as you pointed out) came home absolutely soaked in water. Likewise for his coat as we often go out after he is picked up and he needs to wear it.

Dillpickles · 25/01/2022 09:29

DS is 4 but quite tall for his age, thank you so much Moonopoly that's such a kind thing to do although I don't think I'm allowed to accept as I might get in trouble with MN? I know they tell posters not to give/accept.

With regards to getting messy, I don't mind that. He has come home with his spares covered in all sorts before, paint, kinetic sand stains etc. I expect nothing less given his age. I like to know he's having fun, it's just the degree to which he was soaked given the weather at the moment.

Its a good job I was home when the text come in (half an hour before pick up) otherwise I wouldn't have been able to bring anything in time.

I should add that the first text only requested shoes and socks, there was a follow up message sent afterwards requesting the coat by which point I'd already left (we walk, its 1.5 miles each way) so even if I did have a spare I wouldn't have arrived with it.

OP posts:
EL1984 · 25/01/2022 09:30

I wouldn't want my son playing with water outside in this weather, sounds ridiculous. He gets enough colds as it is.
I do think he needs to run around outside though.

As everyone has said previously, I too buy the expensive items like coats, puddle suits and shoes on vinted or ebay, charity shop is also a good shout.
I started off buying shoes in clarkes but he grows out of them so quickly so I soon cottoned on to just getting him measured every now and again and buying the shoes second hand.

Dillpickles · 25/01/2022 09:32

His shoes are still pretty wet inside today despite me going at them with a hair dryer last night and this morning in a last ditch attempt to avoid him having to wear his older ones that barely fit now.

The thing is if I sent him in the wet shoes I'd be judged, similarly I'll probably be judged for the fact his other shoes barely fit.

I can't win with this one.

OP posts:
Sebastianthecoo · 25/01/2022 09:32

You can get welly shoes which only come up to the ankle if that would be an option? Our nursery let them play outside all day too and with water but only if they are wearing their puddle suit and wellies. I had to hand in both in august and I’ve never seen them since, they all get hung up to dry at the end of the day and they must be filthy but if they are happy and DS is dry and outdoors it doesn’t matter. What size is he? I probably have a spare puddle suit (have 3 older DC) and would be happy to post you one if I do.

Momicrone · 25/01/2022 09:33

Getting kids outdoors is almost always a good idea in my book

kateg27 · 25/01/2022 09:35

Primark and matalan have brand new coats for under £10 in the sales. Facebook marketplace and eBay have second hand coats for a few £.
Shoes and wellies can be picked up cheaply.
Get a cheap puddle suit and some wellies and send him in them. Parents like you who moan, spoil it for everybody else. I want my child to play with these things at nursery.

x2boys · 25/01/2022 09:37

@Momicrone

Getting kids outdoors is almost always a good idea in my book
Getting kids outside is good Getting kids outside soaked to the skin in the middle of January ,not so good...
LittleMG · 25/01/2022 09:37

I just feel really bad for you, I’ve had so many people gift me clothes I’ve not ever bought a coat for my 3 yr old. Shoes are an issue tbh they are expensive and I put off buying them. Wish I could help x sorry op x

x2boys · 25/01/2022 09:38

@kateg27

Primark and matalan have brand new coats for under £10 in the sales. Facebook marketplace and eBay have second hand coats for a few £. Shoes and wellies can be picked up cheaply. Get a cheap puddle suit and some wellies and send him in them. Parents like you who moan, spoil it for everybody else. I want my child to play with these things at nursery.
Did you miss the bit where the Op,s child is autistic and can't wear wellies due to sensory issues?
Momicrone · 25/01/2022 09:39

X2boys, I don't agree

x2boys · 25/01/2022 09:40

Well we will have to agree to disagree then...

kateg27 · 25/01/2022 09:41

@x2boys if they're autistic you find other way, waterproof snow boots? Waterproof shoe coverings? It's not rocket science is it?
I'm sorry but with the opportunity to buy things second hand, there isn't really any excuse.
Also why wouldn't you have a spare coat? What happens f it needs washing and it's cold outside? Do you just not go out?

ThisTownAintBigEnoughForBoth · 25/01/2022 09:42

OP we are well off and my kids don't have spare coats. I'm not convinced they have spare shoes that fit at the moment. So i don't think it's necessarily all about money, perhaps more that neither of us had planned for this kind of event. I wouldn't expect kids to be soaked through from playing at nursery either, but I guess if they have fun doing it, it's a good thing. I think it would have been good to get warning of this when he started nursery, eg "the children sometimes play with water in all weathers and so a spare pair of shoes and a spare coat would be useful". Then you would have known and could look in charity shops or ask friends if they had hand me downs.
I'm sorry it's made you feel bad and i can understand the feelings of defensiveness.

x2boys · 25/01/2022 09:44

[quote kateg27]@x2boys if they're autistic you find other way, waterproof snow boots? Waterproof shoe coverings? It's not rocket science is it?
I'm sorry but with the opportunity to buy things second hand, there isn't really any excuse.
Also why wouldn't you have a spare coat? What happens f it needs washing and it's cold outside? Do you just not go out? [/quote]
Not everyone has the money for spare coats it's as simple as that .

Dillpickles · 25/01/2022 09:44

@kateg27

Primark and matalan have brand new coats for under £10 in the sales. Facebook marketplace and eBay have second hand coats for a few £. Shoes and wellies can be picked up cheaply. Get a cheap puddle suit and some wellies and send him in them. Parents like you who moan, spoil it for everybody else. I want my child to play with these things at nursery.
I'm not spoiling anything for anybody, but thank you for your shitty comment which has achieved nothing but to make me feel even more inadequate.

You do realise not everybody can afford to spend £10 without sacrificing other things right? Other things being some of the shopping budget, gas or electricity. Check your privilege before judging somebody who is trying their best.

As you can see up thread I'm not the only parent who's child only has one coat or pair of shoes.

To the kind posters offering to send things to DS, thank you so much I'm incredibly touched. I won't be able to accept but I truly appreciate you offering.

OP posts:
ToykotoLosAngeles · 25/01/2022 09:45

We are asked to provide a puddle suit. If you hunt round in the latter part of winter there are some good deals.

E.g. - here

DS goes in a pair of Sainsbury's trainers to nursery but I absolutely agree it gets expensive. Between a puddle suit, spare wellies kept at nursery, spare outfit, spare swimsuit, spare sunhat - every time he goes up a size it costs me about £50 extra!

Soontobe60 · 25/01/2022 09:46

@helpmehelpmetoday

They should absolutely not be playing and getting completely soaked in this weather.

That's absolutely ridiculous and I would be very concerned if my nursery let my kid do that. Absolutely ridiculous.

Playing outside is fine. But it's not fine to be getting soaked down to your shoes at the moment. They're insane.

Or maybe, just maybe, they’re doing what every nursery should be doing - letting children explore their environment in order to learn.
Soontobe60 · 25/01/2022 09:47

OP, my only question is - was he enjoying himself? If so, then don’t be so anxious.

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