Children playing with water outside in this weather

[Dillpickles]

I received a text from nursery yesterday asking me to bring another coat, socks and shoes for DC to change into when I collect a pick up because the children were playing with water outside and got wet. I always include a spare outfit in DC' nursery bag IE pants, trousers and a top aswell as nappies and wipes but not a spare coat and shoes..

We're not a well off family. I'm a single parent on a zero hours contract so my DC don't own several coats and umpteen pairs of shoes. He has one all-weather coat, a couple pairs of trainers that he's growing out of and his new well fitting trainers that he had on. I don't scrimp when I buy his shoes and coats because I want them to last a good while.

I get there and he's in his spare outfit but his initial outfit is handed to me in a bag absolutely soaked through, as is his coat both inside and out. Dripping wet. His trainers were like bogs. It was as though he'd been jumping in a flipping lake not playing with water in a garden. I'm not exaggerating.

So he had to walk home in trainers that barely fit him anymore which caused a meltdown and made me feel terrible.

I was made to feel bad as though he should have lots of spare coats and trainers in the event of something like this happening. I don't know about you but I tend not to send him outdoors to play in water to this degree in the middle of winter..

His trainers don't let water in when simply walking in the rain or even jumping in the odd puddle so goodness knows what he was actually doing.

He does have a pair of wellington boots but he can't wear them. He's autistic with sensory issues.

AIBU to think the children shouldn't be outside getting soaked in water in the middle of winter when it's blistering cold, or am I just feeling defensive because it has highlighted that I'm an inadequate parent for not having plenty of coats?

Op, are you on your local Facebook groups? I,and lots of others round my way, give all these types of clothing away for free once my dc have outgrown them. (Charity shops are full and save the planet).

YANBU for not having lots of extra clothes

YABU for wanting to restrict nursery activities because of it.

How about a splashsuit to completely cover his clothes? You can get them off amazon for £10 or as others have suggested a extra set of coat etc from a charity shop.

if they're autistic you find other way, waterproof snow boots? Waterproof shoe coverings? It's not rocket science is it?

Not rocket science no, but just as bloody hard at times.

Do you have any experience of raising an autistic child? It has taken 2.5 years to get him to wear gloves.

I suppose you're one of those people who think autistic children should just eat whatever they're given too or go hungry.

You can accept things from posters. It can be done via private message.

You have to be comfortable with giving your address and name to them which some aren't.

I've sent many things over the years to posters (sensory tots etc and SN stuff that costs a fortune!). Also a snowsuit at one point I'd got from the dump shop for £1 and lasted ds for 4 years before I passed it on!

I usually buy my 6 year old boy/girl twins a few nice outfits for going out in, the majority of their clothes I find preloved on ebay, facebook selling pages or on websites such as Build a Bundle or Lots a Love, I bought each a pair of barely worn Next ankle boots for £3 each.

On balance, I think YANBU.

Water play is great for children and I don't think it has to stop just because it is winter. My DC goes to a nursery which specialises in its outdoor provision and I know DC spends most of their day outdoors, including water and muddy play, even on very cold days. I disagree that children should be encouraged to stay inside on cold or wet days.

On the other hand, that was made clear to us when we signed DC up and we were provided with a kit list that included a fleece-lined puddlesuit, thermals, waterproof gloves, wellies or waterproof shoe covers and at least 3 spare pairs of gloves or mittens per day. The nursery has a pile of spares for kids who go though their change of clothes, including spare puddlesuits.

It's fine for nurseries to do these sorts of activities but they need to ensure children are sent in the correct kit and they have spare clothing available.

I think especially with Covid a lot of nurseries have jumped on the 'outdoor good/indoor bad' bandwagon without necessarily thinking through what is required to make sure the children are happy and comfortable. At the moment, I would say that includes a thermal layer, thermal socks and a lined puddlesuit.

@Soontobe60

OP, my only question is - was he enjoying himself? If so, then don’t be so anxious.

Undoubtedly yes he would have been. He loves water so much.

A lot of nursery have puddlesuits & wellies available for this

I can't believe that people are linking jojo maman bebe coats.

OP, are you on Freecycle or Olio? I'm at the other end of this, my kids are now adults and I'm all about getting rid of stuff, so I'm on both. But loads of people give away outgrown kids stuff. And it's an easy going feel, so not charity but recycling.

I'm really grateful when someone comes to pick up and reuse my stuff! I need the space and and glad that its not going to end up thrown away. The people so far who've picked up my free stuff have been lovely and often we have a bit of a chat. Someone picked up my griddle the other day, and said she'd always wanted one so that she could make Welsh cakes like her grandma used to make. Win win!

I'm sure there are people out there wanting to make space by offloading outgrown coats!

OP I only buy DD one winter coat and pair of trainers too so don’t feel bad at all. Letting kids get soaking wet at this time of year is ridiculous. They must have been absolutely freezing.

If you want backups maybe have a look on eBay? You can get bundles of second hand clothes pretty cheaply

Hiya @Dillpickles I understand how you feel. I have two of everything now because of something similar that happened to me. I bought literally the cheapest coat from eBay (£1.50 plus postage) as a spare.
There are these welly type boots called Bogs wellies which are more fabric than plastic. Look them up, they're pretty expensive so might not be an option but might be tolerated from a sensory point of view.
Also, waterproof boots might be an alternative to wellies.

EBay is a good bet for second hand waterproof stuff.

OP please don't let is make you feel inadequate. We are well off but my children also would not have a spare coat or well fitting shoes suitable for January with absolutely no notice. I would have been just as annoyed as you, especially with soaking wet shoes. While money may not be an issue, I would not have had the time to go get an extra pair of shoes or coat in the evening after picking him up. It could be worth asking if any other parents had something you could borrow today? I am lucky that both nursery and school parents are very supportive and we all help each other out by lending things if needed

Ignore the ignorant posters, they have shown they are incapable of viewing things outside of their own little bubble

I will happily send you a puddle suit for your dc . Pm me if you like... no pressure. X

Hiya, also you mention that you buy good stuff that lasts. I cannot recommend this company more for kids waterproof outdoor gear. I only buy the stuff in the sale but my daughter is 4 and is still wearing the size 2-3 years. I have bought much cheaper puddlesuits from Sainsburys etc before and they've not lasted or been that waterproof but these will definitely last and they're 100% waterproof. My daughter has rolled around in a deep ish puddle in hers and been gone dry.

wetwednesdays.co.uk/shop?department=january-sale%21

I don’t think YABU actually. I’m all for outdoor play but water play in January that gets you soaked? Madness!

I was also reminded that the children need to arrive in a hat, gloves and scarf because of the weather. He does arrive in a hat and gloves but you have more chance of winning the lottery than you have of making him wear a scarf (again, sensory issues)

Oh yes arrive in full winter gear, then we at the nursery will submerge it all in freezing cold water for an hour or so probably, and then berate you for being a bad mum.

Sorry but this sounds like a shit nursery run by idiots. Playing outside is fine. Letting them get completely soaked so their clothes are dropping wet? Not OK. What did they do, throw them in the sea?

I'd pick up second hand or do what I did and buy a waterproof pull on and trousers from eBay that cost about 8 quid and can go over clothes to protect them. Also wellies, does he not have wellies? I understand your frustration though. I'd probably assemble some second hand clothes purely for nursery so his good stuff doesn't get ruined.

Tbh Op it sounds like you have made a complaint ,and nursery are trying to turn it back on you ,this has happened to me so many times ,when I have raised an issue .

Sorry I've just seen that he can't tolerate wellies. I do sympathise, my son is autistic and there was a point where he'd only wear wellies. Shoes have always been an issue.

@Winniemarysarah

I voted yabu, you’d be horrified at my school if you’re upset about a wet child. My school has its own forestry school where once or twice a week every class goes out and climbs trees/builds dens and fires and gets extremely mucky. Over the last year they’ve spent over a million pounds on the playgrounds including fountains/water features, a sand pit and mud kitchen, a sensory garden and 4 vegetable gardens. The children get filthy every day. They all keep a pair of wellies in school and a spare change of clothes which get handed over at pick up time to be taken home and washed. You can kit out a child with wellies a jumper and joggers for less than a tenner in primark and probably even less in a charity shop. I’ve never had an issue with coats because I always keep whichever one they had last for spare even if it’s a little small/stained etc. I think people are just being pedantic trying to complain about lack of space over storing a small coat and a tiny pair of shoes.

But this isn't a forest school and the OP has already explained the issue about wellies. Your experience of a muddy child is not what the OP was asking about.

As for complaining about the lack of space for storage - you have no idea of the OPs circumstances - I suspect she has a better idea of the space available than you do.

OP - I agree with you - a bit of splashing around is fine, but soaking through everything is not on unless proper waterproof clothing is provided / requested, especially in the middle of winter.

I'm surprised that the nursery doesn't keep spare clothes.
I taught in a special school, and we had loads of spare clothes. Our autistic children often seemed not to feel the cold and wet, and could get themselves soaked in the blink of an eye! We'd change them into our spare stuff straight away, and the parents would return it next day.

You're not an inadequate parent.

All these others saying you should have sent him in etc- you weren't aware they were going to be doing messy water play!
Yes there's charity shops and 2nd hand to make things cheaper but nursery should have prewarned you.

Thank you again to those of you offering to send DS a coat or rainsuit, I want you to know that I'm very grateful and touched.

I'm due to be paid on Friday so I will look at getting a second hand one, if I can't find any suitable in my local charity shop or on eBay I'll update the thread and perhaps buy one of those offered from somebody here.

I can afford to do that if I skip a couple of other things this month. It shouldn't be an issue.

It doesn't feel right to accept things for free unless absolutely nessecary.

It doesn't feel right to accept things for free unless absolutely nessecary

I do appreciate how you feel. But as my daughter found it when she had her baby, people are often thrilled to be able to offload outgrown stuff. Too much so! She ended up with bin bags full of baby clothes that she felt dreadful about then having to get rid of herself!

So as per my early post, don't see it as charity, but as recycling, helping someone make space in their kids wardrobe, and generally saving the planet!