Page 3 | Who should provide snacks?

Lalala1 · 24/01/2022 16:37

@FreedomFaith

He refuses to see his own children more than once a month, despite not working so he's not busy, he's lazy.

He wants you to feed his kids all the time, even on the journey to and from his house when he does the trip.

He refuses to go out of his way and pick his kids up from their school or clubs (probably doesn't know where they are).

And yet others think you are being unreasonable... This is why men get away with this shit..

He's an ass and a lazy one at that. Do not send them with food, he can stop smoking for a week when he has them, or stop buying drugs, or stop buying shit or whatever it is he wastes his money on. Oh but that would mean actually considering someone else other than his useless ass.

This!! If he can’t afford a few snacks for a few hour journey how on earth does he feed his children on his weekend?!

People saying the op should just provide them as it’s petty and so kids aren’t hungry i get as I wouldn’t want to worry my kids are hungry BUT this is why dads like this take a mile when given an inch!

This isn’t about it’s just providing a few snacks so what’s the issue let it go this is about control and him knowing the op will do what most mothers would and provide the snacks n therefore he’s got what he wants.

It’s a hard one OP as u don’t want the kids to have nothing on journey but YNBU as he should be providing them

Doomscrolling · 24/01/2022 16:40

It would be reasonable to make sure their water bottles are topped up but he should be bringing a snack as it’s time under his care.

starrynight87 · 24/01/2022 16:40

He sounds awful.

Just focus on your kids, and give them the snacks. They know who cares for them.

Pallisers · 24/01/2022 16:41

Yes provide them with food - not their fault they have an arse of a father. He is a complete loser and tosser isn't he - he thinks he is someone being forced to take some random kids out for a weekend - he certainly doesn't think he is a parent.

The whole thing will have fizzled out in a few years anyway. You'll get a call saying he can''t make it this weekend and so on. poor kids.

affairsofdragons · 24/01/2022 16:42

He has them ONE weekend a month, and you do the running for half of them and then some.

He can provide snacks.

Whatiswrongwithmyknee · 24/01/2022 16:43

I thought you meant that the kids travel alone and he meets them the other end - in which case you provide snacks. But your update suggests that actually he is on the train with them - in which case he should. But if you think your kids need snacks (may not for a 2 1/2 hr journey?) then as he won't, I would (resentfully).

Askingforfriend · 24/01/2022 16:45

I would feed them right before handing them over so they weren't hungry. I would not be sending snacks though and being party to him abdicating his responsibilities.

Cantbebotheredwithausername · 24/01/2022 16:46

Absolutely his responsibility.

Two solutions:

For the sake of the children, you provide a small snack and bottle of water so they don't have to go without just because their father is an ass.

Don't provide anything. The children go without once and become a nightmare on the rather long journey.

If your ex is capable of learning his lesson, I'd go with number two. If he's not, and it's just going to create bad situations repeatedly, I'd do him the small favour for the sake of the children.

gogohm · 24/01/2022 16:46

Sending water bottles is fair enough but he should bring snacks. I'm guessing he pays no maintenance either?

PuppyMonkey · 24/01/2022 16:47

So do you also have to provide the snacks when he makes the return journey back with them?

What twat turns up to meet his kids once a bloody month and wouldn’t bring even a little treat for them to eat?

CousinKrispy · 24/01/2022 16:48

Yeah, provide the snacks, for the sake of the kids. But inside you know you have the moral high ground--he's being a complete tit.

ProudThrilledHappy · 24/01/2022 16:50

I’m guessing since he doesn’t work he doesn’t pay any kind of maintenance. Tbh he sounds like a total waster OP and he should supply the snacks but in your position for the sake of the kids I would probably do it. Then mentally count down until they are 18 and you can officially consign this useless waste of space to your mental “fuck off” bin.

Original poster

FinestChicken · 24/01/2022 16:51

@strawberrymilk7

Is he on the train with them or collects them at his local station? If he takes the train to your town to meet them and ride with them he can bring snacks for them! If they go on the train alone then I'd give them snacks.

He take train to my town, I bring them to my station and hand them over to him, he takes them on the train back to his town. He expects me to provide snacks for the dc to eat on the train while with him.

I am sure that if I sent them snackless he would probably buy them something either at my station or his, and would complain loudly to them about how unreasonable it is of me not to provide them with snacks.

I will probably just send snacks with them for their sake.

OP posts:

Chloemol · 24/01/2022 16:51

@MayThePawsBeWithYou

YABU to send your poor children on any journey without a drink and a snack

Why? He’s in charge of them, he pays

oatlattetogo · 24/01/2022 16:51

@MayThePawsBeWithYou

YABU to send your poor children on any journey without a drink and a snack

Are you being serious?

Children manage to go hours at school without eating!

Original poster

FinestChicken · 24/01/2022 16:52

@Mummyoflittledragon

He should provide the snacks. However, more to the point, why are you facilitating contact with this loser?

They like seeing him. Also it is court ordered.

OP posts:

Butteryflakycrust83 · 24/01/2022 16:53

He sounds delightful.

OP, I totally hear you, but dont let him have this level of control over you. Do it for the DC, not him.

Original poster

FinestChicken · 24/01/2022 16:54

I agree, if this is your biggest issue I think you are lucky! It’s a small thing to get worked up about, send a bottle of water and a pack of 40p biscuits to share, it’s really not worth even arguing over

It's not and I'm not worked up. Just sense checking against his people who think I'm unreasonable really. Idly.

OP posts:

Marmelace · 24/01/2022 16:55

My ex may have been a horrid abusive git to me, but never once did he ask me to provide for OUR children on the rare occasion he had them.

LizzieMacQueen · 24/01/2022 16:59

Is the reason you live several hours apart because you chose to move away? In similar circumstances I know it's been a condition of contact that the resident parent, who's chosen to leave the former home, it's their responsibility to provide transport (& snacks & other costs). I accept that that may have been a unique case though.

greyspottedgoose · 24/01/2022 17:00

So does he provide snacks for the car journey home when you collect them?

Marmelace · 24/01/2022 17:01

@LizzieMacQueen

Is the reason you live several hours apart because you chose to move away? In similar circumstances I know it's been a condition of contact that the resident parent, who's chosen to leave the former home, it's their responsibility to provide transport (& snacks & other costs). I accept that that may have been a unique case though.

Why automatically assume it's the mother who has moved away. I despair at the stupidity of people on this thread only holding the op to account.

ChoiceMummy · 24/01/2022 17:02

@FinestChicken

Ex collecting dc for his weekend. The arrangement is we take turns in doing the journey so one time I will take them both ways, the next time he will. He sees them one weekend a month (his choice - he was offered more)

When I do the journey I deliver them to and collect them from his door. When he does I have to drop them to and collect them from the station because he doesn't drive and won't collect them from school or their club. It's annoying but I don't mind because it's easier for the children. Also I will not have him come to or near my house due to past abuse.

He is demanding that I provide them with snacks and drinks for the journey to his house. He thinks this is reasonable because I have the children most of the time so I get the child benefit etc for them. He doesn't work and has to pay for the journey to get them and bring them back. He has apparently asked 3 different people who all think it's reasonable for me to provide food for the journey and not him.

AIBU to think he's a dick?
WIBU to send the dc with no snacks?

I don't want the dc to suffer, but I also want to maintain proper boundaries because ex is a 'give and inch and he'll take a mile' kind of a guy.

Does he pay child maintenance via cms? Though it's not the point, if he's paying more than £10,hed be entitled to a reduction in maintenance charges. That would cover the snacks etc and tbh, I'd rather than, so he has to actually take not just the financial responsibility for them but the practical responsibility of being a parent with 2 children making a 2.5 hours journey to spend time with him.

GinIronic · 24/01/2022 17:03

He doesn’t work, sees the DC once a month (his choice) and doesn’t want to feed them on a train journey. What a bloody waste of space and air. Luckily your DC have you.

SophiesMummySaid · 24/01/2022 17:04

Then he should supply snacks for your homeward journey from his house, when you do the driving, no?