Who should provide snacks?

[FinestChicken]

Ex collecting dc for his weekend. The arrangement is we take turns in doing the journey so one time I will take them both ways, the next time he will. He sees them one weekend a month (his choice - he was offered more)

When I do the journey I deliver them to and collect them from his door. When he does I have to drop them to and collect them from the station because he doesn't drive and won't collect them from school or their club. It's annoying but I don't mind because it's easier for the children. Also I will not have him come to or near my house due to past abuse.

He is demanding that I provide them with snacks and drinks for the journey to his house. He thinks this is reasonable because I have the children most of the time so I get the child benefit etc for them. He doesn't work and has to pay for the journey to get them and bring them back. He has apparently asked 3 different people who all think it's reasonable for me to provide food for the journey and not him.

AIBU to think he's a dick?
WIBU to send the dc with no snacks?

I don't want the dc to suffer, but I also want to maintain proper boundaries because ex is a 'give and inch and he'll take a mile' kind of a guy.

I think he should be providing them with the snacks but I would let my dc suffer because they've got a shitbag of a father. I would send them with a snack and a drink so they don't have to rely on him for a snack.

I would send some so you know the DC have a proper drink etc. I don't think you should have to but if he is that useless then I wouldn't want the DC to be hungry just because dad is rubbish

I wouldn't* let my dc

@OneSolitaryCornflake

Whats he going to do if one of them scrapes their knee in his care? Insist you provide them with plasters? Ridiculous man

Funnily enough he did actually ask me to provide plasters when I told his dd had scraped her foot.

The journey is a couple of hours by train and bus at the other end. They will be hungry - yes.

How can he provide the snacks and drink, if the children are leaving from your house? I'm confused here,

It seems an incredibly small thing for you both to get wound up about, when it happens once a month at most. A travel cup of water and a couple of biscuits or a banana? Have you asked him to pay for them or something?

He refuses to see his own children more than once a month, despite not working so he's not busy, he's lazy.

He wants you to feed his kids all the time, even on the journey to and from his house when he does the trip.

He refuses to go out of his way and pick his kids up from their school or clubs (probably doesn't know where they are).

And yet others think you are being unreasonable... This is why men get away with this shit..

He's an ass and a lazy one at that. Do not send them with food, he can stop smoking for a week when he has them, or stop buying drugs, or stop buying shit or whatever it is he wastes his money on. Oh but that would mean actually considering someone else other than his useless ass.

We meet at the station where I hand the children over to him to take on train then bus to his house. I suggested that he should bring snacks for them on the journey with him and he and apparently his friends think this is unreasonable of me.

I will send them with snacks so that they aren't hungry.

If the children end feeding then either or their parents need to feed them. It's not about snacks is about control and him needing some power. The issue is between you as the parents not the kids. Incidentally he seems like an arse OP.

If he’s that petty over giving his children some snacks I don’t even think I’d let my child’s father see her at all. What a waste of fucking space he sounds.

Is he on the train with them or collects them at his local station? If he takes the train to your town to meet them and ride with them he can bring snacks for them! If they go on the train alone then I'd give them snacks.

If the kids like going, enjoy his company and value that time I would suck it up and provide snacks/drinks. Water bottles and something he doesn't like ideally.

If they dislike going and are only doing it to fit with court/because they have been told to I would say "if you can't afford to feed the children we can reduce contact. Feeding the children in your time is your responsibility".

Either way I would keep messages about things like this as proof he is incompetent incase you ever need to cut contact in the future.

@saraclara

How can he provide the snacks and drink, if the children are leaving from your house? I'm confused here,

It seems an incredibly small thing for you both to get wound up about, when it happens once a month at most. A travel cup of water and a couple of biscuits or a banana? Have you asked him to pay for them or something?

OP drives kids to station and hands them over to their father who can have a backpack or similar with supplies in and rides on the train with the kids back to his house.

Were it not for the other passengers I'd have said that this calls for some egg mayo sandwiches OP...

@Clymene

I'd send them with snacks and tell them their dad is too cheap to feed them

Whatever you do OP, don't follow this advice. Yes, their Dad is a cheap loser, but don't tell your kids that.

How can he provide the snacks and drink, if the children are leaving from your house?
Does he not have a tap or shops where he lives? All he needs to do is put a few food items And either cartons of juice or a water bottle in a bag (Even just a packet of biscuits Would be fine as an after school snack) before he leaves the house and he has a snack. Presumably he has a vague idea of what his own children snack on?

He sounds like a rubbish parent tbh.

Of course he should be the one providing snacks for the time they’re in his care. It’s ridiculous that he’s even questioning this, but I have the feeling he’s a ridiculous person all round.

I also have an arse of an ex husband who was controlling and abusive. In your situation, I would just bite my tongue and bring snacks for the sake of the children. Yes, it’s not right that it’s another responsibility on you, but he isn’t going to wake up one day as a different, better father and human. Pick your battles.

He should provide the snacks. However, more to the point, why are you facilitating contact with this loser?

Obviously he should provide the snacks for the children when they are in his care. But it doesn't matter as no doubt you will be reasonable and make sure the children are well-cared for while he continues to act like a dick.

You should send them off with their water bottles refilled but he should provide snacks

YANBU, of course he should provide the snacks but if it was me I'd pack some snacks. Pick your battles and all that. Without a doubt there will be times down the line when you will need to stand your ground but this is not one I would waste my energy on.

Funnily enough he did actually ask me to provide plasters when I told his dd had scraped her foot. What a weirdo he is

Of course this is about control.

How old are the kids? Send them with a drink and a banana each and tell them to tell their Dad if they're hungry after that. They are on 'his' time then.

I assume he does actually feed them when they are with him? Do they enjoy spending time with him?

@saraclara

How can he provide the snacks and drink, if the children are leaving from your house? I'm confused here,

It seems an incredibly small thing for you both to get wound up about, when it happens once a month at most. A travel cup of water and a couple of biscuits or a banana? Have you asked him to pay for them or something?

I agree, if this is your biggest issue I think you are lucky! It’s a small thing to get worked up about, send a bottle of water and a pack of 40p biscuits to share, it’s really not worth even arguing over

Ah, after your update about him meeting them at your station, then yes, obviously it's his responsibility to provide any snacks or drink that they need. Good grief, it's not like it costs a fortune to bring a couple of supermarket cartons with him and a packet of biscuits. Does he resent providing their meals when they stay with him?

(But yes, they don't deserve to have such an arse of a father, so rather than them be hungry or thirsty, I'd provide said cheap snacks, and resent him even further)