Who should provide snacks?

[FinestChicken]

Ex collecting dc for his weekend. The arrangement is we take turns in doing the journey so one time I will take them both ways, the next time he will. He sees them one weekend a month (his choice - he was offered more)

When I do the journey I deliver them to and collect them from his door. When he does I have to drop them to and collect them from the station because he doesn't drive and won't collect them from school or their club. It's annoying but I don't mind because it's easier for the children. Also I will not have him come to or near my house due to past abuse.

He is demanding that I provide them with snacks and drinks for the journey to his house. He thinks this is reasonable because I have the children most of the time so I get the child benefit etc for them. He doesn't work and has to pay for the journey to get them and bring them back. He has apparently asked 3 different people who all think it's reasonable for me to provide food for the journey and not him.

AIBU to think he's a dick?
WIBU to send the dc with no snacks?

I don't want the dc to suffer, but I also want to maintain proper boundaries because ex is a 'give and inch and he'll take a mile' kind of a guy.

Sorry if missed
But how old?

I mean - it's not really a big deal. I sent him a text saying he could bring snacks for them and he's sent multiple texts telling me why I ought to provide them. I haven't responded

Yeah, you are rocking that Grey Rock, Chicken.
Just feast on the thought of his impotent rage in not being able to needle a response out of you. Well done xx

I often pack snacks for my children
PLUS my ex because I know he can get a bit ratty when hungry

Do I want to? Not really
But I want the children happy and settled and no tension so…. I do it. Not for him. For them

If someone with parental rights decides to move so far from their kids it's up to them to facilitate contact and all that entails.

Not when the reason for them running moving away was because they had to take a restraining order out on the kids dickwad father it isn't, @TheOrigRights.

Take kids out for nice tea and then meet him. Not worth battling with him

It does sound as if he is not keen to spend anything on the children and as if he is looking for ways of getting at you.

The comment about 'other people' think ( 'all my friends say' :) ) is a bit silly and childish - but clearly trying to manipulate you.

This isn't something you want to fight him on - you don't want to think of them hungry of course- but you need to be aware of what he is up to.

You could always present it to him as something you really want to do: the Mum-snack (a little red-cross parcel :) ) will be a lovely reminder of home and of you.

YANBU; he sounds like he's being a dick just because he can.

I’d ask him for examples of the snacks he will be providing the kids when they leave his home on the weekends you pick them up in the car, so you can provide similar on the weekends he is picking them up, via train, to leave your home.

@MayThePawsBeWithYou

YABU to send your poor children on any journey without a drink and a snack

Oh come on! Kids can last a couple of hours at least without a drink or a snack.

@Hankunamatata

Take kids out for nice tea and then meet him. Not worth battling with him

This is what I’d do

He's a dick. No more to be said.

He’s unemployed, so likely skint as on benefits, god knows where he got the Christmas money from, maybe a part time seasonal work, snd he’s clearly not going on lots of big holidays if he can’t even afford snacks for his kids.

I’d provide for the kids, he’s a loser. It is what it is.

It’s all about control , it’s not unreasonable that he provides snacks at all . A normal parent wouldn’t even ask that you should and I say normal cause what sort of lunatic doesn’t want to provide a snack for their own dc . I suspect these 3 people he asked have just nodded in agreement or are just as insane as him.
Don’t give it much thought op no your not unreasonable but like you say send a snack for the journey and don’t get into a debate with him about this .

I'd feed them before you take them to the station. They won't need snacks and you won't have "complied" with his request

@ChargingBuck

If someone with parental rights decides to move so far from their kids it's up to them to facilitate contact and all that entails.

Not when the reason for them running moving away was because they had to take a restraining order out on the kids dickwad father it isn't, @TheOrigRights.

The op only gave this info in response to me asking, so don't try and catch me out. Of course if there is abuse involved then the situation is not clear cut. None the less "my ex is abusive=don't provide snack" doesn't balance

@Tillsforthrills

What’s more important? Who’s right or wrong or making the journeys pleasant for your children?

I agree with this.

Yes he should provide the snacks but for the sake of a couple of quid I would just pack then something to take.

I’m guessing they’re young primary?

Ok so if he provides a snack… it’s going to be cheap shite

Or you can control the situation by providing a filling and healthy snack to see them on their way

Do it for them op. That’s the way to see it. Not him

If he is concerned they are hungry, he should address that rather than use it as way to wield power over you. Having said that, it sounds like he would give them the easiest, cheapest option. So if you feed them, they are getting something decent.

Do t be ridiculous OP. They will be hungry after 2 hours? Good grief. What do they do at home, graze all the time? Breakfast lunch dinner are the only meals and maybe supper if weekend and staying up later. If they have a decent breakfast with you at say, 8am or whenever, then they don't need snacks at 10.30 or 11 o'clock. They can wait till dad does lunch fgs. Anything else is overeating and they'll end up snacking all their lives.

Ultimately he should be providing snacks and a drink. But you know you are the better person and a few snacks and some water isn't lots in the grand scheme of child rearing and it stops your children being hungry. Whilst you can be silently mad he is a dick, it's not fair for your children to suffer. You could also ask some people if he should collect them all the time and see what they say...

Yes, you are a mother and should make sure your kids have snacks and drinks ffs. This is soooo petty. I can't even believe this is a question.

They dont need snacks
Simple

@MayThePawsBeWithYou

YABU to send your poor children on any journey without a drink and a snack

That's mad. Thousands of people take journeys every day without drinks and snacks, it's hardly essential.

@FinestChicken

The CMS is what it is and is what he can apparently afford. I don't really care but I do resent him telling the children that he gives me money to clothe and feed them, goes on about how his paying it means I should pay for xyz on his time, etc. I also suspect that he may be working cash in hand but I don't really give it any brain space since a I can't do anything about it. He spent about £1000 on them at Xmas and is planning several foreign holidays for them, though that may all turn out to be pie in the sky which goes poof at the crucial moment. Obviously I never say anything negative about him to the dc, and I stand up for him when they are moaning (if they're not being reasonable in their moans - sometimes they are). I reserve my rants for private chats with my friends and family and threads on here

You can explain the truth about finances at an age appropriate level without saying anything negative about him on a personal level.

BFF's ex-waste of space said the same thing to their son when he was paying the princely sum of $25 USD per month and generally didn't pay at all. When her son said something about 'all the money Dad gives you' when she told him she couldn't afford something he wanted, she calmly showed him exactly how much sports activities for him cost and what she paid per week for food for the two of them and explained how 'Dad's' $25 'didn't go very far'. She didn't say anything nasty, just gave him a lesson in finances.

Obviously a pre school-aged child won't understand, but even a 6 or 7 year old can get the basics of 'contributions vs cost'.

He should but you will.
I’m sure his mates all agree that you should provide the snack…they’re probably lazy, selfish wastes of space as well.