Page 7 | Family staying after new baby

Carey55 · 2022-01-24T13:44:24+00:00

Just had DD (3 weeks old) DS is 3. In laws coming to stay for two weeks, I think this is too long and would prefer a week or at most 10 days. My hormones are all over the place so quite prepared to be told I’m being unreasonable.

PleaseSendNoodles · 25/01/2022 11:04

Thank you @diddl - I need to hear that!

Original poster

Carey55 · 25/01/2022 18:31

Thanks everyone, thought it was me! They are lovely people but not the type to pitch in or take DS out. Hubby doesn’t really see this as he’s always at work when they visit…..I’ll have to spell it out for him!!

OP posts:

Nanny0gg · 25/01/2022 18:33

@Carey55

Thanks everyone, thought it was me! They are lovely people but not the type to pitch in or take DS out. Hubby doesn’t really see this as he’s always at work when they visit…..I’ll have to spell it out for him!!

Maybe he should be around to see his parents?

mugoftea456 · 25/01/2022 18:34

Not a chance. I love my in-laws but I honestly wouldn't put up with more than a night with a new born.

buckingmad · 25/01/2022 20:10

Mine came for a few days in the first week (but I insisted they stay in a hotel) and then came again a few weeks later and stayed with us but again only a couple of days. Absolutely no way would I have even entertained the idea of any longer.

Will your DH be back at work by then? So it would be you hosting them by yourself whilst looking after a 6 week old and toddler? If that’s the case then tell him he can take time off work to entertain his parents. I bet he suddenly agrees to them staying for a shorter length of time!

2022success · 25/01/2022 22:49

Hubby doesn’t really see this as he’s always at work when they visit

Wait! What? he isn't even going to be off work?????

Fuck that shit!

AsYouWishButtercup · 25/01/2022 22:54

Fuck. That.

Unless you actually like to lose the will to live if tell them plan have changed.

I also wonder what kind of people think it’s ok to do this to a new mum

AsYouWishButtercup · 25/01/2022 22:55

They sound like Julia’s in laws from Motherland! “We’ll come to help” but just get in the bloody way

I0NA · 26/01/2022 09:42

@Carey55

Thanks everyone, thought it was me! They are lovely people but not the type to pitch in or take DS out. Hubby doesn’t really see this as he’s always at work when they visit…..I’ll have to spell it out for him!!

No no no. They are his family and his guests and he need to be at home to look after then, cook their meals and entertain them.

Maternity leave is to allow mother to recover from birth, breast feed and bond with baby. It’s not up to him to hijack YOUR LEAVE to carry out his duties to his family.

And PLEASE don’t listen to anyone who says they are your family too now. They are not, as anyone who has divorced will tell you.

Puppyseahorse · 26/01/2022 13:43

Good god. This would be awful even if they WERE the type to pitch in!

Why are you considering this?

Hotel, one week max, H takes time off to entertain them. Those would be my rules

I don’t know what happens to MILs once a grandchild arrives. Don’t they remember what it was like for them?

Cakecakecheese · 26/01/2022 13:52

@Carey55

Thanks everyone, thought it was me! They are lovely people but not the type to pitch in or take DS out. Hubby doesn’t really see this as he’s always at work when they visit…..I’ll have to spell it out for him!!

Then you'd be signing up for more work, whilst having a newborn and your other child to look after. Hell. No. Definitely spell it out to him how difficult this will be for you.

NameChangeCity123 · 26/01/2022 14:00

If you're not happy, say so or you're going to spend the next two weeks (and likely longer) resenting the precious time lost with your brand new baby. You can't have this time back and it's so important for you to bond, if you're not happy please just say you would prefer they either visit for a shorter time or come later on when you're settled
Congrats on your baby x

NameChangeCity123 · 26/01/2022 14:02

@Threewheeler1

No. It's the worst time. They don't need to kip at your house. Why do so many IL's think this is a smashing idea? It was bad enough after an awful birth with DS1, beginnings of PND and some nasty birth injuries that wouldn't heal, when useless DH thought it was a cracking idea to give his parents a set of keys so they could 'pop in' whenever. Let's just say that didn't last long. Rest, recovery, privacy, bonding, finding your feet without endless 'advice' - all this stuff is really important. You can't do that with other people there 24/7. It's about you & DD OP. Do what you think is right and no guilt attached.

Omg this is awful 😞 hope you got your keys back and got your house back to yourself.

ByeByeNye · 26/01/2022 14:05

I wouldn't for 2 reasons. The obvious one being you just had a baby, and need to bond with said baby. Second is that you don't want to resent your MIL or FIL. Ours kindly let us stay with them for 4 months whilst our house was being renovated, but it did change my relationship with them, as they were constantly butting in and telling me what to do with baby all the time e.g. I said I didn't want DS having a dummy during the day, but MIL wouldn't listen and insisted on it, and went behind my back to my DP when I said no.

I was told by them when I could hold my child and when I couldn't, I was told how to do his washing (not advising me, telling me). I remember once MIL was holding DS and feeding him his bottle and a bit of milk slid down his chin, I leaned over to mop it up and MIL slapped my hand away. When I changed my DSs nappy my MIL would always come over and stand over me and tell me how to do it instead of giving me space and allowing me to do it myself.

I felt very thankful for their kindness and generosity, but I also feel very resentful that they didn't give me space to bond with my baby at the beginning of his life.