Family staying after new baby

[Carey55]

Just had DD (3 weeks old) DS is 3. In laws coming to stay for two weeks, I think this is too long and would prefer a week or at most 10 days. My hormones are all over the place so quite prepared to be told I’m being unreasonable.

I would cap it at 2 nights

NO.

It's up to you - your DH should be backing you.

Hotel or nothing if it's going to stress you out.

Tell him it's a nice time with a hotel stay or a stressful week at most before you lose your shit and scream unforgivable things at them all.

Should be an easy decision.

You get the final say here. If you aren't listened to, then you and the baby decamp to your parents' house.

Your DH is off his head to invite them for 2 weeks!

@Carey55

Thanks. DD will be 6 weeks when they arrive. Hubby thinks it will be great. I’m feeling very emotional about it all. My parents stayed for a few days but they were looking after our toddler whilst I was having DD. My parents are local, hubby’s are 6 hours away.

Let me guess Hubby will be at work most of the time? Tell him and then mmm NO. A long weekend I.e. 3 nights at most if coming from abroad is acceptable and it has to actually be at the weekend when he is around.

Just say no and keep saying it.

God no this is a massive no for me. My in laws came and stayed when our baby was a couple of weeks old. I could get still annoyed about it years later. The last thing any new parent needs is an audience, however supportive they may think they are.

Why has this just been imposed on you!?

No way, let your husband know 1-2 days is fine.

We have a simple rule about visitors- whoever invited the guest must be available throughout the visit i.e if DH is working during the week MIL can visit during the weekend. This happened because DH invited MIL to stay with us for a week when DD was a newborn. I did actually cut the visit to 3 days, but she stayed with us the whole time and I found it very difficult. She wasn't at all helpful and wanted to hogg my baby the whole time. I had to force her to give the baby back for feeding. Since then we put this rule in place and it works well. Will DH be taking the whole period off work to look after the guests?

If I were you OP I'd be a bit brutal- cut the visit to one week max and insist that guests stay in a hotel/Airbnb so you get some privacy and rest.

My parents flew from abroad to visit DD, they only stayed for 3 days and stayed over in an Airbnb.

I have a 5 week old. We said before he was born our parents were welcome to come but only if they stayed in a hotel. Mine stayed a night in a hotel and my in laws for 3 nights. 3 nights was pushing it even in a hotel when I wanted to breastfeed in private and my mil kept wanting to pick him up.

Congrats on your baby OP, but that is just too much, far too soon after having a baby. Surely MIL would realise this?

Only if your DH is taking those 2 weeks off to do all the entertaining etc then yes.
Otherwise, hell no.

DH thinks it's great

OK making a big assumptions here - he'll be back at work by then?

Sorry - guests are like fish - they both go off after 3 days. Even if you love them and they are considerate guests.

They can come for the weekend - when he's there. And with strict instructions that you will not be cooking, making beds up, tidying, making cups of tea and not handing the baby over. Buy a sling and keep the baby with you.

Be firm on this one - it will set the tone for the future

Bloody hell absolutely no way would I have this. Is your husband going to be at home during those two weeks or are you expected to entertain and feed them all that time?

No it shouldn’t be happening. Week at the very most, as long as they helped, washing, ironing looking after toddler, letting you sleep etc

Otherwise just no

If they come and don’t help out then I would be getting very cross and snarky with them. DH wants them to come he looks after them

Oh hell no.
A few nights at most. If they want 2 weeks then they get a rental. Not even a hotel as that still assumed you will need to be cooking all their meals. Unless your DH is taking extra leave then, or they are the kind of wonderful people who will just leave you in a room with your baby, not try and hold them, take your DS to the park and bring you war, tea and cook all the food without asking, then no.

Two weeks is way too long, even in a nearby hotel visiting every day, dropping in daily could well be extremely inconvenient.

I think it would be helpful if you could provide some more context OP, for example have they come to help. No way would I let them stay unless they are prepared to take over the day to day drudgery, housework, shopping and cooking. If they are staying that should be their role. No mother with a new born and older child should have to put up with house guests, 6 hours away or not. So if they expect a nice little break whilst turning up to coo over their new grandchild, they need to book a hotel and then ring you every day to find out a convenient hour to visit.

Good luck, perhaps show your husband this thread to focus his mind on your feeling of being emotional and over whelmed is entirely to be expected for a woman in your position.

That would be too long for visitors unless you have a huge house and they are helpful and don't expect to be waited on. If they will pitch in with housework, cooking, shopping and entertaining 3 year old it may be useful but depends on how you get on. It is not up to your DH. If you are breastfeeding it may be awkward so ask if your DH would be willing to get naked with your parents around and you feel uncomfortable with them being there until you have a feeding schedule sorted for DD. Tell them to book into a B and B or hotel.

This is the first time ever in the history of mumsnet that I have seen this 🤣 - congratulations OP, a full house!

Not you as well! Pil are staying 9 days before the birth and two weeks after here, only asked them to come and look after the other two while I'm in labour, I thought they'd stay at their house, but aparently they are staying here(coming from abroad, but have a house here in england) ! Haven't had the courage to tell dh that I'm not up for it yet

I come from a culture where in laws have to do a lot to earn the right to stay with you just after a baby, otherwise it’s just not done. So if, as a minimum, they’re not cooking for you, providing free childcare for your eldest, taking over all household chores etc then they shouldn’t be staying.

If he thinks it will be great has he booked time off work ? as I suspect a big fat no.

It would be an absolute NO! from me.

Ask yourself, without kidding yourself or being optimistic, but completely realistically, whether you will be expected to feed them, entertain them, clean up after them, and generally play hostess. Because if the answer is in any way 'yes', then you cannot have them to stay.

Even if your DH will stay home and look after them while you hole up in your room bonding with your gorgeous baby, that's time he could have been looking after you or taking care of the house rather than amusing his parents.

Why on earth does he think it's a good idea? Ask him. And also ask him very clearly what role he sees everyone playing during these two weeks.

No, no, no, no, no! JUST NO. Show your partner this thread and esp the aibu vote and tell him they are not staying not one night. They get a hotel or you do. End of.

The only person I wanted to have staying with me for any length of time after each of my three births was my own mother.

She did stay for two weeks each time. She cooked all meals, shopped, cleaned, did the laundry etc. When I had DD2 and then later DD3 she was also looking after the older child / children too and taking them to school and preschool.

If your in-laws can be relied upon to give that sort of help every day for a fortnight then that might be OK, but if they will want to just be looked after and waited on then the answer would be no. In that case I would agree to a few days only, when DH is around.

Congratulations.
If I was in your situation 1 week would be 6 days too long and 3 weeks would cause a full blown mental breakdown or a divorce!!!

Two weeks?!
Hell no. FAR too long. Tell your dh to pull his head out of his arse and really think about what he’s expecting from you. Why on earth are they coming for so long?