Family staying after new baby

[Carey55]

Just had DD (3 weeks old) DS is 3. In laws coming to stay for two weeks, I think this is too long and would prefer a week or at most 10 days. My hormones are all over the place so quite prepared to be told I’m being unreasonable.

1 day would be too much for me.

Erm mine will come to visit when we are home from hospital and settled then go home after an hour like they always have. This is far too much and I would not be allowing it. Not a week nor 10 days. Tell them no.

No, No No.

They stay at a hotel or don't bother coming at all.

Do you have a DH problem? You need to put your foot down very firmly here. if they are coming, you and the DC will not be there.

Thanks. DD will be 6 weeks when they arrive. Hubby thinks it will be great. I’m feeling very emotional about it all. My parents stayed for a few days but they were looking after our toddler whilst I was having DD. My parents are local, hubby’s are 6 hours away.

I couldn't even do 1 night. It would be fine if it was just my Mum as I know she would do all the cooking and cleaning and look after baby when I needed a nap. But I would feel awkward with my in-laws and feel I should play host. Even if I didn't have a newborn, I wouldn't want anyone staying at my house that long!

Are they coming from abroad? Who told them they could?

No way. I wouldn’t even stay with my own daughter unless she asked. Why do people think this is ok??

@Carey55

Thanks. DD will be 6 weeks when they arrive. Hubby thinks it will be great. I’m feeling very emotional about it all. My parents stayed for a few days but they were looking after our toddler whilst I was having DD. My parents are local, hubby’s are 6 hours away.

It doesn't really matter what your dh thinks op. He hasn't just had a baby. This is absolutely your call.

Why though? Is husband taking annual leave to accommodate them? If not then it's not happening. I'd pack up baby and perhaps eldest and go to my parents in your shoes.

Why 2 weeks? They might live 6 hours away but that's just torture.
I would just put your foot down 7 days max or they get a hotel. Nobody needs guests with a newborn!

Are they coming to stay to help?

If so I think you're being unreasonable, it's your DHs house as much as yours etc.

But if it's a social type visit just to see the new baby keep it to a few days max, they have to travel a distance so I think saying no overnight at all is unreasonable

As it being precious about them not seeing the baby

Oh God no. I wouldn't have them stay at all. They can stay in a hotel surely. You need to be able to relax and feel safe at this time, not intruded. You and your lovely daughter are the people who matter most right now. Anyone who has an ounce of sense and decency in them would understand this. If you feel uncomfortable about it, you need to have a heart to heart with your DH and get him to ask ILs to change the plan. If you're not ready, you're not ready. End of!

Remember that in the fourth trimester, what you need/what your instincts are telling you is what your baby needs. The hormones are there for a reason!

One night would be pushing it, there is no way I’d accept someone being in my private space at that time.

I’d be insisting that they stay elsewhere

I’m so cross on your behalf. Absolutely not.
The fourth trimester is about the new mum, and the baby. You need to be relaxing, getting used to having two children, recovering etc. absolutely not entertaining guests for two weeks!! I’d say a firm no. They can stay at a nearby hotel for a few days but not at the house and not for two weeks I can’t believe they (or your husband??!!) ever thought this was a good idea.

Mine came for a month, yes you heard that a month, never lifted finger and when the tension started to build went home, (not before the month was up, whatever would people think) and told my brother that they didn't feel very welcome.

My heart had failed postpartum, following a few days of investigations and in the space of an hour three consultants came into my room, told me it was permanent, that I would be on life long medication and by the way you can't have anymore children.

And they didn't feel welcome. >

Do yourself a favour and say no.

Could your DH suggest they get a bnb/hotel etc? At least for some of the time.

Two weeks is a long time to have a couple staying. It wouldn’t be so bad if it was just one person who would help lots. Both my mum and my MIL came and stayed with me after the birth of my children. It was lovely, but they both came to help me rather than be hosted, so was brilliant.

Mum and MIL came at different times to help, bless them.

Its your dh's bright idea, isn't it. No overnight guests when you have a newborn. Isnt there q Premier Inn nearby?

No fucking way. Thinking of getting "don't invite yourself to stay when your DIL has just given birth " tattooed on my arm so I don't forget when DS is grown.

How the fuck does anyone think it's acceptable to do this to another woman?

They can stay nearby in a hotel or for a night. No way would someone be staying in my house for 2 weeks when I had a 6 week old.

Hubby can entertain them on his own then because you will be staying at your mums/mates/elsewhere.

He cannot insist on this - you just had a baby and your needs and wants come first. If they don't, you have much deeper problems than this.

How well do you get on with your MIL? If you asked for that kind of help, would she give it?

You could get DH to ask if she would come and stay for a week to help with new baby once he has gone back to work. That way it’s not as bad as having guests and you’ll get some help, and she gets to feel involved with new baby.

Then he could scale back this visit and get them into a hotel for some of it at least

That would have been a no from me - even a week! They would have to stay somewhere else

No.

Just no.

And then no again

yy *copy" this "How the fuck does anyone think it's acceptable to do this to another woman?"

I'm 15yrs on and still feel crap about how I put up with endless visitors expecting tea and to hold my baby. Instead of leaving me in peace to feed and rest.

Hubby thinks it will be great

You need to tell Hubby that NO, it will not be great. Is he planning on looking after them, cooking meals, entertaining them while you're breastfeeding etc?

Big fat NO!